Separation Anxiety
by Kira Douji
Summary: [Discontinued] Introspective songfic on Yue and the YueClow relationship. Contains major flashbacks made by myself, and a few adult scenes. What was their relationship? What happened when Clow died? What happens when things change? Set after th
1. It Starts With One Thing

**_Separation Anxiety_**

In The End

By, Linkin Park

_It starts with one thing _

_I don't know why_

_It doesn't even matter how hard you try, keep that in mind _

                Silence, darkness, this was where he would always retreat to; if he couldn't have the one he loved, he wanted nothing. The cards were too polite to disturb him so he didn't have to worry about the only other occupants of the book. He just had to get away, get away from his other self and that boy. That stupid, silly boy had given up his own magical powers to support him – no, to support his other half. A little voice in the back of his mind, or maybe it was Yukito's, whispered to use his name. _Touya._ He thought back, satisfying the other half of his mind. Not that he needed to be reminded of the name of the human that had stolen the heart of his other side. 

                And that was what had sent him spiraling back to the book again. He couldn't understand how one half of him could just fall for that other human when the other was still so devoted to his first master. It made no sense, especially with the arrangement he had with Yukito. Yue often wondered about that; was Yukito what he would have been like as a human? Or was he simply a reflection of himself: a mirror image. Perhaps they were really not at all alike, and simply shared a body. No, it was much more intricate than that. 

                The Moon Guardian still had not figured out exactly why his master had made, molded, and melded together that other half of him. _Didn't he love me as I was? Or was that not enough - was I too cold? Was that why he made Yukito? _But the calmer part of his mind soothed him with reassuring thoughts of Clow's protective embrace, that warm disarming smile, and of those few words which, though never uttered seemed to hang between them still, even after Clow Reed's death. 

                A death that Yue couldn't save him from and that, strangely enough, Clow hadn't fought against. Although Yue was positive his former master could have hung on for centuries longer… He just couldn't understand humans. This only furthered his problem with his other half. Yukito was much more human than himself, he was composed the same at Yue was; yet he required food for energy, and relationships with others to ground his own existence. Yue on the other hand never needed food, drew his energies mostly from his master (Which was why Touya had to help out, all that weight on still such a young, developing master was simply too much for his kind mistress.) the moon, and darkness like the one he now occupied. 

                He sighed as much as one could in a void and emotionally curled in on him. So much grief still; it lasted for so long… Why was it that Yukito was the one to escape from their past? It seemed that no matter what he did, he would forever be haunted by the love of a former master and a cherished lover. 

_I designed this rhyme_

_To explain in due time_

_All I know_

                Soft, blurry images of the past flowed slowly through his consciousness as if trying to comfort him. When Touya and Yukito had become lovers Yue found himself retreating to his memories far more often during their times of love… times like now. It was like throwing his mind into a box, closing the lid and eating the key: anything to get away from the emotions and feelings that spilled over from his other half. 

                "To-ya…"

                _No, close your eyes, turn away, and pull back. It won't hurt if you don't let it touch you. _He repeated to himself mentally, walling his senses from this fierce onslaught. Inwardly, he groaned; knowing that he needed to be touched again; also knowing that he would feel so filthy if he gave in to the dark haired boy's stirring touches. He felt filthy now. Deep down, he knew that the young man cared about his welfare as much as Yukito's… though in a different way. But he could never understand, every time they did this… It felt like rape.

                Distantly, he was aware of his back, Yukito's back, touching the mattress, but all other senses were faded by now. He could no longer hear nor could he watch as his body was taken against his will – no matter how unintentional it was. The sensation of tensing muscle slipped over the top of his emotional wall: telling him what has coming. Yue stole back as much as his mind as he could identify and fled to the recesses of the book until they finished. 

_Time is a valuable thing_

_Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings_

_Watch it count down to the end of the day_

_The clock ticks life away_

                Their first time had been under a tree in the cool spring weather. Yue could easily call the image up to his consciousness. The Sakura trees were starting to bloom and the grass was green again. Though the flowers were abundant, none grew in Clow's backyard. There had been a rocky path that led to a small enclave of trees a little way from the house. Clow Reed had liked going there for relaxation, and was there for that very purpose when Yue had set out looking for him. 

                The Moon Guardian could never remember what had made him search out his master that day, but it hardly mattered anymore. For whatever reason, he had been looking for and eventually found his master relaxing in his favorite spot under the trees…

            Clow's hair was tied back at the base of his neck, and falling over the tree root he had laid his head on. His eyes were closed, upturned gently most likely because of some nice thought. His robes were colorful and almost glowed in the late afternoon light as they fell over his lean form lying so innocently on the earthen floor. 

                Hesitating a moment, Yue took a few steps closer and kneeled down next to his master. He was a little wary of how to address this situation, for although Clow had been close lately he wasn't sure of his master's feelings and therefore had not acted on his own emotions. Still, Clow looked so beautiful lying there like that. As gently as possible, Yue pushed back a lock of dark hair that had found its way to Clow's face. Unfortunately, he found it impossible to return his hand to his lap. Instead, he trailed a finger down the side of Clow Reed's face before forcing himself to stop. He started to get up, when he felt a gentle hand on his arm. Shocked, Yue looked back down, to see his master watching him while sitting up.

                "Don't you think it's wasteful to come all the way out here to find me, and then leave before you give me a reason fordoing so?" Clow asked quietly, smiling that unarming smile.

                Slowly, the Moon Guardian sat down once more, and nodded silently. Truth be told, though, he'd forgot why he was looking for Clow in the first place. Taking a chance, he slid closer to Clow, and placed his lips against the other man's. At first his master tensed, but after Yue had prodded his lips open, Clow seemed to relax. As if physically being pulled away, the angelic creature broke the kiss, and stared at the ground between them. Astonishment floated through his mind: astonishment at having been so forward. But it was drowned out but other, warmer feelings, as he could still taste Clow on his lips.

                "Is that what you came out here for?" Came a whisper that was tinged with sadness. 

                Not knowing what to do, and having no real reason, Yue nodded, and looked up. "I'm sorry, I know you're still getting over the loss of your wife, and my actions were uncalled for." 

                Silence bloomed between them, while Yue patiently maintained eye contact with his master. "You're that strongly attracted to me?" Clow whispered, breaking the gaze, and looking thoughtfully sad.

                Confused at first, Yue watched his beloved master sadden so completely. "I'm sorry, forgive my actions, I will not do so again." He whispered and moved to stand, but was stopped once more

"Don't be sorry, Yue, you can't help it." Clow answered, his voice bordering on normal once more as he stood beside his creation. "It's not your fault." He added with a small smile.

"…Can't help it?" The Moon Guardian looked to where his charge's hand grasped his arm and suddenly understood. "Of course I can help what I feel. I decide what I feel, and whom I love is my own decision as well."

Clow Reed shook his head sadly and released Yue from his hold. "I should be apologizing: it's my fault you're so strongly attracted to me. It's the spell I created you with that draws you so close to me-"Yue cut him off.

"You think it's not real." He turned facing Clow evenly in his stance and in his gaze. "My love is not a spell conjured up by you as a sub-process for ensuring my loyalty. It is not fake, or then so am I!" His master considered him momentarily, but Yue went on before Clow was able to respond. "I know I'm not human, nor will ever be one. I don't desire to be any different than I am, because how I am now is how you made me to be, but I have emotions too, and I am no less a creature for my lack of humanity. Master, I know you see this." Lowering his voice and moving forward, Yue laid a hand over Clow's. "If you want me to stop my advances, you know I will at any moment you wish, but I will never stop loving you."

"Yue…" Clow Reed looked at his creation from the slightly taller view he had. The perfection he beheld; the angled yet beautiful features, the sharply intelligent crystalline of his eyes that still held a spark of innocence within, the angelic wings and smooth, hauntingly stunning body that he knew lay under folds of cloth. "I'm going to break your heart someday." 

Smirking, the angelic creature moved closer still, "To break it, you have to take it first." Taking a chance, Yue pressed his lips against his master's once more. This time, though, it was different: a few strands of his hair brushed Clow's face as his own tilted slightly. Watching for a reaction through barely opened eyes, he brought his right hand to hold the man's chin gently and pull his face closer. Slowly, he was able to slip his tongue past scarcely opened lips, and deepen the kiss further. The Moon Creature's soft tongue coaxed its creator's into a dance that ran along the tops of their mouths and against each other. Finally, he pulled back.

Clow ran his tongue leisurely across his lips as if tasting them, and regarded his creation for a long moment. The kiss had left a light, hazy feeling in his mind. Briefly, he wondered if Yue knew just how seductive he was being with that kiss, and the way he was looking at him. His hand strayed to the side of his angel's face, swiping back some long strands of hair that had been freed. He was still uncertain. _I don't want to hurt you… _

A simple mental thought caused Yue's hair tie to come undone and float to the earthen ground. His hair fell freely down his back, and scattered about his feet, while coming forward to frame his face perfectly. Another quick thought and his sash was discarded to the ground as well, opening the top part of his outfit, and revealing the cloth still beneath it. His wings disappeared softly, and the top was dropped from his shoulders as he sought to undo the shirt the remained on his skin. The entire action was like one ghostly graceful movement. The hand he held again, and seemed never to have let go of, was brought back to his cheek and nuzzled softly. 

A smile crept across Clow's face before he could stop it and he felt himself moving closer. He brought his lips close to Yue's again, and whispered softly, "I can already see your pain to come, but I do not fear it. I know you will succeed, and I know you will make me happy, but I cannot see if you accept the relief of your pain to come…" before kissing him again.

Trying not to let his master's words worry him, Yue leaned into the kiss increasing the passion between them to a blinding level. He felt Clow's hands slip from his face around to the base of his head and play, tugging gently at the hair there. Unconsciously, he moaned against his first lover's lips, and encouraged the contact. Clow broke off the kiss, but didn't move away; instead he tugged a bit harder on his angel's silken strands, forcing his head to tilt up so he could lay a path of kisses down his neck. And Yue didn't even wince, closing his eyes and letting out a long sigh of pleasure.

The kisses moved along his collarbone then back to the base of his neck, and Yue could feel the transfer of his master's hands from his hair to his right arm, and lower back. He looked down again in time to catch his lover's mouth once more. He reached out with his left hand, beginning to undo the ties on Clow's shirt. Finally, he reached skin beneath the fold, his touch like cold fire making his master shiver from the contact. Then his hand was captured and moved away, and he looked back questioningly when the kiss was broken. 

"Not yet." Clow Reed smiled that disarming smile once more, and guided Yue gently downward so that they were both kneeling on the ground. "You've been holding this in… you're so insistent." He chuckled a bit at the end, and leaned forward again.

Feeling himself being pushed back, the Moon Creature submitted to and helped the movement, lying with his back on his dropped clothes and his master lying on top of him and between his legs. Clow dipped his head again, this time to Yue's chest, licking and kissing one nipple while letting his hand play with the other one. Yue groaned, and arched into the touches, while finding the cloth of his master's top and pulling it off. Finally finding bared skin; he traced patterns along the man's back, rejoicing in the small groans the touch elicited. 

Clow drew back to an almost sitting position, making Yue drop his hands and look up curiously. "Your wings, Yue, grow them back." 

A little unsure of this request, Yue closed his eyes and arched his upper back from the ground. The wings had always grown out straight from his shoulder blades and did not change that now, except, now there was a very solid ground only a few inches away, which the wings hit rather quickly and coincidently very hard. He winced slightly as they flared out below him; scraping the ground and bruising what skin and bone they had on them. Opening his eyes again, Yue lay back down and watched to see Clow's reaction. 

"You're just like an angel…" He whispered, straddling Yue's hips, and gently ran his hands over the wing's structure. The touch made the Moon Creature coo loudly and his wings quiver. "Sensitive, there, I see." The man whispered, smirking and continuing his touches.

The light contact on such a sensitive area was quickly going to Yue's head. He gasped and shuddered as heat raced through his body. It felt so good, a pleasure he'd never felt before and was not likely to ever be paralleled. Then the hands went away, and Yue felt himself whimper. For a moment he was scared Clow had suddenly had second thoughts, and then he opened his eyes again and realized he was changing positions. Yue watched transfixed, as yet inexperienced, and showing it from the blush that raised the lower his lover went. 

Clow left a hot trail of kisses down his creation's torso, and lower as he divested the pale body beneath him of its last clothing. The action caused a gasp as the white skin touched the cool air.  Trailing his fingers back up Yue's legs, Clow came back to what had been the focus of his teasing touches.  His breath danced over the tip of his lover's erection, making him shudder and grab the cloth beneath him. His angel was so innocent, always trying to please him, even now, when he was so ignorant of these pleasures, even now, Clow could feel him give himself over completely. No reaction was kept back, nor any touch ignored, and even as Clow was teasing and heightening the experience physically, Yue was reaching out with his senses and his magic, draping it across his master in the most erotic ways. Yet, he probably didn't even notice he was doing it. He chuckled at the paradoxes in his creation.

"Clow..."

He looked up and was met with the pleading gaze of eyes that seemed both sharply blue and softly violet at the same time. A pair of cool hands warm with life tangled in his hair and pulled him closer. He smirked and followed the movement, licking the tip of the erection before engulfing him entirely. Yue almost immediately thrusted deep into his mouth, moaning loudly from his plea being answered so quickly.  Clow played circular patterns down Yue's length before he felt the telltale shudders and tasted his lover. Yue came with a yell and grasped Clow's head as if afraid he might leave.

Finally, the Moon Creature sank down to the earth again, spent so completely that not even his wings twitched in the afterglow. His lover drew back, taking off his pants as well, and then lying back between the pale legs and on top of the angel. Yue found his hands were once more upon his master's back. A pleasant sluggishness clung to his body with the afterglow of passion and he could only overcome it enough to fold his wings over and around both of them. They shivered as the open air was let into the cuts received from hitting the ground. 

"Just relax Yue…" Clow murmured while setting himself on his elbows over his creation. "This may hurt at first." A slight nod from the angelic creature below him, not even a sparkle of fear. The human gave a small smile and shivered lightly as a magically created substance lubricated his own erection. He coaxed Yue's hip up a bit, then captured his mouth in a kiss as he penetrated in one swift thrust.

Bluish purple eyes went wide as a cry was devoured by the kiss. His mind was spinning even as Clow stilled inside him. The pain was still there, raw and open but also there was pleasure that welled and grew, helping him to relax as his master had wished. When he had relaxed completely the man began to thrust slowly inside him. Deeper and longer each time. Lips withdrew from his as his moans increased and his wings shook with tremors of passion so hard feathers fell upon their bodies.  He sought out Clow's face with eyes that lighted at the expression of sheer ecstasy he found there.

At last, the magician came, thrusting one more time then slipping out and earning a whimper for his movements. He slipped to the ground next to his companion and was enfolded in soft wings as he slept in his afterglow under the watchful eyes of his guardian. 

_It's so unreal_

_Didn't look out below_

Watch the time go right out the window 

_Trying to hold on, but didn't even know_

_Wasted it all just to watch you go_

                More memories flashed with vivid detail, each one either destroying his heart or putting it back together. Yue floated in the darkness of the book and the longer he stayed the emptier he felt. He knew now that this is what his master had meant about breaking his heart, but he also knew it wasn't Clow's fault. All humans die, even ones that live as long as the magician had. Of course, that didn't help the stream of tears he knew would be flowing were he anywhere else in the world, but in the book all that amounted to was immense sadness spreading through him. In some ways the book was worse than a crowded room for mourning. 

                His thoughts strayed back to Touya; often he had wondered if that boy had been what Clow Reed spoke of when he had mentioned a relief for his pain. His master wouldn't stand for seeing Yue like this, and he knew it, but what did it matter if Clow wasn't there? The Moon Guardian berated himself for that, of course it mattered it had always mattered…

The hallways were cool and dark in the early days of autumn, freshly cleaned, and not attempting to keep warmth present. To some it was eerie, but to those who lived there, just another part of the house. The moon guardian liked the hallways; it was his nature to be cold in the absence of others just as the moon was in the absence of the sun. Yet, the hallways were not without light: it was still mid-afternoon, and the sun was shining brilliantly onto the thinly carpeted floor in slits of brilliance darkened every three feet by a wall between the windows. 

"What are you doing here, Yue?" Clow's voice floated on the air like light itself. 

Yue turned to his master, with the same stoic aura the walls gave off. "I am not certain." He replied quietly respectful. "I find myself wandering today."

"Are you looking for something?" Clow slowly walked towards his creation.

"I don't believe so." The creation replied, shifting softly to gaze once out of the window, before returning to speak to his creator. "Is there something I may do for you?" He questioned, hoping there was.

Clow paused a moment, then smiled in that way that could melt you were you stood. "I was just going to the library to read up on an old friend of mine, but some company would be nice."

"Of course," Yue answered lightly, starting to follow his master the remaining length of hallway. Unlike his solitary creation, Clow did not like being alone in the library for hours on end, or anywhere else for that matter; his need for companionship reflected any human's, a need which although Yue could not understand, he accepted easily. 

                The moon creature felt his heart constrict further, he _had_ never understood his master's need for companionship until it was given and taken away in one blow. It was like being giving a taste of some knew, and exotic fruit, then being told you could only see it, and never eat it again. Deep within his sorrow, Yue felt his mind drift to more unpleasant thoughts, ones that hurt just to come into his consciousness. He knew for a fact that Clow would have never furthered their relationship if he hadn't pushed, but not for the first time he wondered if his master had really wanted the relationship to be as it became. Although his love was quite evident, Clow Reed's was not. He knew that Clow loved him, but perhaps not as he had wanted him to: not as he had loved his wife…

Night had once again fallen peacefully over the estate of Clow Reed, and its residents had already begun to settle in for the night. All, except for the master of the estate, whom still sat in front of a warm fire, in a soft chair within a cozy room, simply watching the flames dance as he had been doing for most of the day. Yue glanced in as he was walking by, and paused, putting his hand on the doorframe while watching silently. A part of him wanted to go inside and see what was wrong, after all Clow didn't spend so much time alone. But another part told him to go, not to bother his master, that if he had wanted to, Clow would have called for one of them. 

After a few moments, the moon guardian looked to his master once more; slightly shocked that he didn't seem to have noticed his presence. Slowly, he quieted his mind and emotions to get rid of his current confusion, and stepped into the room. A smell of cinnamon wafted through the air and met him as he entered_. Cinnamon… that was her favorite smell._ _Mourning again, then. Yue had no illusions about Clow's feelings towards his deceased loves, this one in particular. Still, not daring to speak, Yue knelt softly beside the chair his master rested in, and gazed silently at the fire; if nothing else, he could offer the companionship Clow needed. _

That night, Clow Reed's face sparkled with the brilliance of a thousand tears.

_I kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart_

_What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when_

                The manor had been cleaned, the lawn tended, magical perimeters established, travelers chased away, straying animals taken care of… Yue clicked the list off in his head. "That's it, finished." He stated to the large cat panting in the middle of the room.

                "What do you mean 'That's it'? You didn't even do anything!" Keroberos huffed and flopped on the floor. 

                "I put up the perimeters, and made special arrangements with Clow." The moon guardian answered coolly.

                "Special arrangements my furry butt." The cat snorted, and sat back up. "You never have to do anything!" Yue just shrugged in return, and started to leave the room. "Where are you going now?" Keroberos asked, exasperated.

                "To get ready for Clow's guests." He paused, "You should groom yourself as well."

                Letting out a long sigh, the large cat picked himself up and padded after Yue. "It never ends… Hey, wear's my head adornment anyway?" He growled.

                "I believe you left it in my room that one time you gave it over to be polished." Yue replied dryly.

                Kero snorted and followed the other guardian. "It's amazing how much you change when you're around Clow." He muttered, entering into the room behind Yue and starting to search for the adornment.

                Ignoring him, the moon creature sat down and started looking for a brush while silently commanding his hair tie to drop to the floor. He had never liked it when his master invited friends over: it felt like he was being put on display. – Finally finding the wooden brush, Yue picked up the ends of his hair and started thoroughly brushing his hair.  – And it wasn't like the creatures they brought along were very talkative unless the magicians hadn't made them. It wasn't just pride or arrogance that made him believe his master was the best out there; he had solid proof. 

                Yue was mostly finished with his task when Keroberos finally managed to get his headpiece on right. Stretching once, the large feline walked swiftly to the door, and then paused. He turned back and glanced at Yue, his eyes softening for a moment. "Are you coming?"

                "I'll be out after a few guests arrive." He replied, looking as the he really didn't want to.

                "Hey, at least you _look_ human." Kero snorted, "That's more respect than I get." He trotted off.

                Sighing, the moon creature stopped his ministrations and looked at himself in the mirror. As much as he loathed admitting it, the cat had a point. Well, he could put up with it, he decided as he started brushing once more. _It's just a few hours, I don't really mind…_

"Clow Reed! How nice to see you again!" Chirped an overly happy young lady as she walked through the doorway and gave him a hug. "So this is where you've been hiding yourself, not bad…" A falcon sat on her shoulder, looking here and there with eyes that showed intellect. He ruffled his feathers once then inclined his head at Clow.

                The magician smiled, "It is good to see you too, Soya, please have a seat." He answered, giving a smiling nod to the bird.  He led the women over to a sofa where she smoothed out her simple, silk grey dress and fixed her wavy red hair before sitting down. 

                She smiled at him, as her partner fluttered to a roost on the fireplace. "I'm the first one here, I take it."

                "Yes," Clow replied politely, "But don't think you'll get to hear anything before anyone else." He added lightly. Soya chuckled once and conjured up some tea for herself. "But don't worry; you'll have some company while we're waiting for everyone else."  
                Keroberos padded in a second later looking at the new arrival and smiling. "I didn't know you had a lady friend coming over!" He laughed and leapt over to her feet, sitting next to them. 

                Both magic-users chuckled, Clow scratched his creation's ears, "Soya, this is Keroberos; I think you'll find him very entertaining."

                "Indeed." She laughed, and petted him as well. "Well Keroberos, tell me about yourself…"

                Clow Reed left the room to wait by the door for more guests; he glanced once down the hall, and gave one small, sad sigh before continuing to his destination.

                Yue walked lightly through the corridor, a soft silver light emanating from him as it always did at night. He didn't bother with the few stray pieces of hair that fell over his shoulders because Clow liked it that way. His wings twitched once as he paused outside the patio door and listened to the light conversation and soft laughter coming from the half-room on the other side of the doors. Then, opened one door as quietly as possible, folded his wings back and slipped through to the lukewarm air of the night.  

                A few of Clow Reed's guests watched this new figure enter, a soft silver glow flooding the area as the moon might have if it were out that night. More looked up as the creature that wore a stoic air about him as a cloak moved to stand silently beside their host. Soya spoke up first, gesturing with her wine glass.

                "And who is this, Clow?" She questioned, smiling brightly and moved closer. "Aren't you going to introduce us?"

                Clow chuckled, as his friends moved a bit closer to his icily calm companion. _Just the opposite of me, always so closed off and cold in public. _He thought amusedly. "This is Yue." He spoke aloud. 

                "So this is the one we've been hearing about." Spoke a man with graying hair and dark clothes. "Very well done, Clow." He added before sipping his drink.

                "He looks almost human." Another added, his green eyes sparkling at the thought. "How'd you do that?"

                "Looks and feels like a human." Clow corrected, still smiling, "It just took a lot of extra planning." He answered politely.

                Another lady walked up and inspected Yue from a short height and through short brown hair. She moved around to the back. Yue let out a yip of indignation when she tugged on his hair, and turned to look frostily at her. She chuckled, "That hair certainly is long, Clow, don't you think you went a little overboard there?" She winked back at Yue, ignoring his gaze.

                "Well, perhaps, but I like it." Clow replied good-naturedly.

                Soya drew in closer, and pushed some of the moon creature's hair back, causing him to look at her. She chuckled a bit, "There, now we can see him." She moved in real close, as if inspecting his face. "He's cute!" She chirped suddenly, dinging his nose and giggling.

                It was all Yue could do not to turn bright red and grab at his nose. A soft laughter rose among the crowd. "Thank you, Lady Soya; I don't believe anyone has put it quite that way before." He finally answered dryly.

                A third man, this one built like a soldier with a blond beard and hair, and strange blue eyes that Yue couldn't place spoke up from the back. "A sense of humor, how'd you do that?"

                Soya chuckled again and glanced at Clow. – By this point Yue had concluded she was slightly intoxicated. – "I didn't do anything but give him life, everything else is his own." The host replied casually laying a hand on Yue's shoulder. "Come now, I don't want him to turn into a statue, let's continue our conversation sitting down." He offered, smiling as usual. 

                Silently thanking his master, the moon guardian took a seat beside Clow at the table, while Keroberos sat next to him on the floor. A few people looked slightly surprised at this, as all their pets were either behind them or elsewhere. Soya came over and nudged Yue's wings a bit, indicating she wanted to sit next him. Groaning inwardly, the guardian managed a small smile and let his wings disappear. 

                "That's handy." Soya stated, still smiling, getting a few agreeing nods from the rest of the group.

                Clow silently withdrew a seemingly bare, leather book from his robes and set it on the table, a murmur arose from the gathered guests as they looked at it. "Rather plain for this new form of magic you wanted to show us, Clow." Commented the man with graying hair and dark clothing.

                "Plain for now, yes." His host conceded. "But you must remember that both Yue and Keroberos are its judge and guardian, so they will add to its decoration when it is time for them to complete it, Adzuki-san." Yue's eyes softened ever so slightly, then stared twice as cold as before. Adzuki just nodded a small smirk on his lips. Gently opening the book, Clow Reed flicked his wrist once, sending a card out to each of the guests present. "These are what I wished to show you. They are a combination of summoning, elemental, spirit, and my own imagination." He explained.

                The magic-users carefully picked up the card in front of them, and turned it over while muttering to either themselves of the person nearby. Across the table from Yue sat the man that looked more like a soldier than a magician, he sat looking at his card intensely, then paused and drew it close, trying to make out the odd language on the bottom. "The-" 

Yue shot out of his chair, hand raised, "No, don't-" 

"Windy."/ "-read it!" They both finished at the same time. A gust of wind blew as a young wind nymph sprung from the card. It was a simple matter for Yue to command the card to stop, of course, but it was rather irritating to the other guests who had their clothes and flying friends ruffled up. The moon guardian looked to the offending magician, no amount of respect showing in his eyes, his stance or tone of voice. "These cards, though made by, and bend to the will of Clow Reed are also activated by others with large amounts of power when read aloud. I suggest you don't do so in the future, Lord Saizu." He stated coolly as Windy settled down to floating above the table. 

Saizu looked like he wanted to rip off Yue's head, but refrained from doing so long enough for Clow to recall Windy and the other cards to his hand and place them in the book as his creation took his seat once more. "What Yue has said is true, if one does not know how to control the card's powers, then its will shall guide it. Unfortunately, most are elementally or spiritually based, therefore the primitive thought process." 

The others nodded, a few re-adjusting their clothing and calming down their pets. Saizu stood, "Is this all you wanted to show us?" 

"No, I also wanted to tell you that these cards will be the only magic known centuries from now." Some angered and shocked faces, but Clow rose from the table, turning as he continued to speak. "I, as all of you, am extremely disheartened by this. So what I wanted to do was show you my advances in hope that it will spark some thoughts of your own. You are all very skilled, and I do not wish to see such knowledge be thrown away. What I would advise is to acquire disciples and teach them, don't keep the wisdom to yourself anymore. I will do this through my lineage and have made further arrangements for what is to come; I hope all of you will do the same." He finished, standing a bit away from the group and looking at them with a sad, serious expression.

Kerberos got up from his spot and trotted over to Clow, nuzzling his leg softly for support, while all Yue could do was sit and keep to himself. A profound silence settled over the guests as they let the information sink in. After a few minutes past, Soya stood, and walked over to Clow, touching his shoulder lightly. "I thank you for the advice, dear friend." she answered quietly, and then turned to the group with a small smile. "Well, I think we'll all take the advice to heart." A few muttered affirmatives and the rest nodded. "Now, shall we not continue sharing for tonight? I don't wish to leave burdened so heavily without merriment." 

They began milling around again, talking with each other; Saizu walked over to Clow after Yue himself had done the same. "I'm really intrigued to know how you achieved such animate servants, Clow." He began, seeming to ignore Yue and Keroberos both of whom were trying for Clow's sake not to glare. A small dot of light shown on the ground and a small figure wavered into a view. It was a young girl no higher than Yue's waist with deep, large green eyes that had no pupil and wavy forest green hair. Her hands were webbed and long, and she was dressed in a simple dress of flowers. She smiled, but her eyes were blank. "This is Suza; I've been working on her for a while now and haven't been able to come near what you've achieved." He explained, almost asking for help. 

Kneeling, the moon creature looked at Suza; she turned to him in response. It was automatic, he observed, there was no recognition of another being resting in her pupil-less eyes. Both magicians watched this movement carefully, one waiting for the other to call back his pet, and the master gazing down with pride that his own creation was assessing the situation. "You created a sentient being and gave her response, actions, from what I can tell personality as well, but you did not… connect her." Yue finally explained quietly. "The life is separate from the entity…" He continued trying to explain what he was feeling from the young girl. He extended his right hand to the figure's temple, "Try doing… this." As he finished his sentence a strong flow of magic snapped into Suza and clicked into place. She blinked once, then looked at him and smiled before turning back to her master, and siding next to his leg, the spark now filling her pupil-less eyes. Yue stood up.

Saizu bristled with anger, and withheld it quickly as jealousy from being showed up like that crept in as well. He smirked, "I see you've also taught him some nice tricks." 

That struck deep, for a moment Yue wished that the magician had kicked him while he was still kneeling so he could at least retaliate, but he couldn't now, so he just bit the inside of his cheek and tried not to glare too hard. He looked to the cold sky once, and then turned to Clow. "I'll go get that extra tea you wanted now, Master." He stated as quiet and as respectful as he could manage before walking back through the patio doors and deep within the house.

_I tried so hard_

_And got so far_

_But in the end_

It doesn't even matter 

                The moon creature watched the last guest leave as he stood beside his master. Clow gave a long sigh, looking very worn, and for once, old. The very thought made Yue's heart freeze over solid, turning his eyes to diamonds that twisted the light to keep his grief from showing. His master turned from the door, and started walking slowly down the hallway to his room as if in deep thought. Yue followed closely, his light illuminating the halls just enough for them to see. Clow paused in the entrance to his room, on hand on the doorframe, before turning around suddenly and looking at Yue closely, as if inspecting him. 

                His creature stood silently, meeting his gaze once before it swept over the entirety of its body: memorizing each detail lying beneath creases of clothing. Finally, that inspecting gaze came to rest on the adornment fitted upon Yue's left ear. Feeling the intense stare fix on the piece of metal, Yue looked back at Clow with a solemn question in his eyes. 

                "I made that for you and Keroberos as a gift," He sighed and his shoulders drooped as an unseen weight fell upon them. "But they saw it as a tag. I have marked you as nothing more than pets."

                _He feels bad for what they are like._ Yue realized with a shock. "I still see it as a gift; it always has been and always will be an endearment to me." His master didn't seem convinced, so he went on. "I don't mind…"  
                Black hair swung softly as Clow shook his head, "I saw your reaction; I felt your reaction to what Saizu did. If you had reacted differently, I would have asked him to leave."

                One of Yue's wings enfolded, and brushed the man gently. "It's alright, Master." He extended his hand slowly as well, "I have grown used to it, and I have you: that is enough."

                Clow caught the soft skin of his angel's wrist. It was wrong, he made Yue like this, he make him accept anything if only to keep him happy or in good standing. He couldn't stand that cool touch, not tonight… "Not tonight, Yue." The hand was instantly withdrawn and the wing refolded. "I need some time to think."

                "As you wish." The moon creature murmured and pulled back, sadness and concern welled inside him, gathering like a hot power behind his eyes, then was scattered through those diamonds and refracted into the light. "I'll get you some tea-"

                "No, go to bed." Clow answered, then saw his lover withdraw and hastened to add, "You won't do me any good half asleep because you stayed up all night worrying." A smile spread across his lips. "I just have some things I want to sort out, I'll be fine." 

                Yue felt torn apart; a part of him wanting desperately to console his master, and the other part wishing only to follow Clow's commands and hope that would please him. He looked away mutely, and bowed slightly, indicating his acceptance of an order, then went swiftly down the hallway. _What did I do wrong?_ He thought, leaning against his door a moment before walking to his bed and making his wings disappear. _If he's unhappy it must be something I did… but what? I was polite and I followed his orders… Clow, why are you so sad? Why won't you let me help?_ He peeled off his clothes, and slid into a bed that, like everything else, Clow had provided. He curled up, not tired, never tired, and not wanting to dream.

_I had to fall_

_To lose it all_

_But in the end_

_It doesn't even matter_

                Clow watched Yue with soft eyes until the angelic creature had left his cone of vision, then sighed, suddenly feeling much more tired. Turning, he stepped into his chambers and closed the door behind him. He began to absently change from day clothes to his nightclothes. The sounds made by the cloth as it slid off his body or on were the only piece of reality that made it to his mind. His thoughts were down the hall, resting silently on his elegant creation. ­_Pet._ he corrected, sinking into the gentle comfort of cushions on a sturdy wooden frame. 

                Frowning as he leaned against the back of the furniture, Clow closed his eyes and let the light of the moon calm him. He knew that he was the only magician that truly viewed things like Yue and Keroberos to be living, breathing, and sentient beings. They were different from a cat or a slave – not that he believed in that either – unfortunately, not many shared his views, and he had forgotten that. It was easy to forget now, living how and were he was, the only sadness left in his life was his dead wife, and the sadness of life itself.  Yet even those were easily forgotten around Keroberos, with his playful personality, and Yue… He opened his eyes and looked thoughtfully at the moon. Yes, Yue, the breakthrough, the one being all the magicians wished to watch and observe, _his_ Yue. 

                 It surprised him, somehow, that he had never let himself think of the situation between himself and Yue. He had never meant it to be such that it was. _I have never before been attracted to a man, yet when I made him it was to bring a sense of companionship…_ His thoughts trailed off and he cursed himself silently for being such a fool. _Of course you'd be attracted to him; you made him everything that you're not. Calm and reserved where you're open, cool, when you're warm. Even physically: long, silken, thin white hair, versus your short, thick, black hair. Tall enough to be intimidating to others, but shorter than yourself: perfect._ The word rang across his mind: perfect. 

                The moonlight was getting painful to look at, Clow turned away; causing the loose strands of his hair to fall in front of is face. It's true that it was because of him alone that Yue lived and breathed, but it was also true that it was because of his forgetfulness that Yue now lay in his bed; most likely blaming himself for something that wasn't his fault at all. He was putting that beautiful creature through more than he ever had to go through himself, and he knew it wasn't right. Now, nothing was right, but… _But I'm still here. I can make at least some of it right._ He thought determinedly, standing and leaving his room.

_One thing, I don't know why_

_It doesn't even matter how hard you try, keep that in mind _

_I designed this rhyme to remind myself of how_

_I tried so hard_

                He slipped silently down the hallway, until he reached Yue's doorway. He paused, watching the pale form lying still on pristine white sheets. Everything about his room was crisp, clean, without defect. It was exactly what he needed, and never was anything asked for, nor wanted for decoration or comfort. A sad smile formed on his lips, as Clow Reed walked inside without a whisper of noise. _Always perfectly content with what's been given to you…_  Soundlessly, Clow glided under the white sheets, and wrapped Yue in a gentle embrace. 

                He nestled his face against the base of Yue's neck, and inhaled deeply. Slowly, the realization that his angel was shaking washed over his senses. Gently, Clow ran his hands down Yue's arms; warming them with his touch.  "Yue," He whispered. "I'm sorry I never thanked you for doing such a good job. It's alright now…" He felt Yue shift slightly, and pulled his head back, and noticed the dim light catch the silver adornment on Yue's ear. Clow frowned slightly from the feeling of utter happiness that swept through him at the sight of it. 

                Yue turned around so he was facing Clow, hands and arms between their chests. He looked unabashedly into his master's eyes as tears streamed down his face.  _Crying, he's... crying…_ Clow bit back a gasp of surprise, and raised his hand to wipe away the tears. 

_In spite of the way you were mocking me_

_Acting like I was part of your property_

_Remembering all the times you fought with me_

_I'm surprised it got so (far)_

                Ducking his head before his tears could be wiped away, Yue leaned his forehead against his master's chest. "Master, I'm sorry, please forgive me… I – I know it's not my fault, but I am the _cause_ of your problems… I know I am." He whispered, placing a still shaking hand to the cloth just below his eyes. "I never wanted to cause you any pain-" 

                "You have never caused me pain, Yue." Clow answered evenly, as if merely stating the truth. 

                "That's not true." Yue stated, looking back up. "I'm causing you pain now, because I'm crying, I'm sorry, I'll try to stop." He tried wiping away the tears but they never ceased. "I can't seem to stop though…" He continued, "Just the thought that there was something wrong, that… that I couldn't fix…" He trailed off again, and looked away, whispering yet another plea for forgiveness.

                Arms immediately held him tighter and Yue suddenly found his lips pressed against Clow's. His eyes drifted shut as his lips parted to allow their tongues to meet, pressing gently between them. His mouth was completely invaded; the kiss going far longer and becoming far deeper than they had previously shared. He had been claimed. The moon creature relaxed entirely; completely malleable to the will of the man next to him. When he was finally released, Yue found himself panting for breath even as his eyes shone brightly from the lack of tears, and his body stilled from the quiet shaking his crying had caused. 

                "You can't fix everything, Yue." Clow whispered, pushing some hair out of his creation's face. "I had to learn that tonight as well. I was disappointed and depressed with how they treated you, but I was only proud of the way you acted in return." He smiled, and Yue felt any semblance of cold left inside of him flow out. "And I finally gave myself a chance to think over our relationship. It was wrong for me to send you away when all you wanted was to help me, for that I'd like to apologize. I know the extent of your feelings very well, Yue, remember that."

                The moon guardian's breathing that had once been shaky was now soft and easy, his eyes, once hard with grief, fear and remorse, now shone with tenderness never before seen there. He leaned close, bringing their bodies together, and touched his lips to Clow's. "I know I can never hide anything from you, nor do I feel the need to." His hands roamed across the body beside him, exciting it under his velvety touch, as his eyes met the dark gaze of his master. "Will you let me comfort you now?"

                Clow smiled warmly and kissed Yue's forehead. "Yes." He breathed against the pale skin while pushing Yue to the bed and setting his already aroused body on him. His mouth blazed a trail from Yue's temple to his ear, "I only wish I could save you the pain to come…" He murmured into his creation's ear, causing a shiver to run through the body below him.

                "When you leave me," Yue stated, giving his body over entirely to his master's wishes, "it won't matter, I will still love you." He finished simply, nuzzling against Clow's neck as his master situated himself. Their eyes met once more as Clow silently asked if Yue was ready, Yue answering in much the same way. His neck arched up and his mouth opened silently as Clow penetrated him. There had been no preparation this time, but Yue would not yell out, would not twist and squirm, would not cry… As long as master was okay, as long as Clow was happy, nothing else mattered. 

_Things aren't the way they were before_

_You wouldn't even recognize me anymore_

_Not that you knew me back then_

_But it all comes back to me (in the end)_

                The room was painted white, yet it still felt so dark inside it.  The walls were plain, and there was no carpeting, nor mats lying across the bare floor.  The moon creature felt cold; colder than he had ever felt in his life. Standing in the middle of such a room made him want to hug his arms tightly around himself to fend off the frigid air.  It wasn't even winter yet, yet… he felt something strange in here.  But, he couldn't move his arms or even turn around, he was held firmly in place by a binding spell.

                Which was… odd.  Clow knew he would not move from this spot if he had simply told him not to, but he hadn't.  The man had shown him in, told him were to stand, given him a light, sweet kiss, placed the spell on him, and left again.  Yue didn't question it of course, though he had wondered more than once as to why his master had put him here.  The spell itself was weak, the moon guardian could easily break out of it on whim, and so he wasn't too worried about being able to get to Clow if something happened. But still, something nagged him, after all; the last time he had been in this room was… when he was created. 

                The thought struck him as yet another thing that was wrong here. How long had it been since Clow had brought him to life?  Did it matter?  _No._  He thought silently, but he was starting to wonder what his master had in store for him.  Clow had been gone for a few hours now, leaving Yue to stand there, alone, in the brightly dark room, surrounded by magic, enveloped in his emotions.  _I wonder…  Is this nervousness?_  Nervous of what though: he had nothing to fear.  Indeed, he'd never had to even think of such things before, especially not around Clow.  That worried him, an emotion he was well acquainted with. 

                Suddenly, there was another being in the room with him; Yue could feel the presence behind him the second it had entered. It wasn't Clow. He itched to turn around, to look over his shoulder, to cast a spell, to do _something _that would reveal this unfamiliar presence, but he didn't. His master had put a restraining spell on him for a reason, right? The moon creature found himself in a situation that most would find utterly terrifying, and yet, he was only curious. 

                Whatever it was moved, he couldn't tell how he knew, but Yue had the distinct impression of a hand reaching to his back. He couldn't even tense in anticipation. Just when he should have felt the touch of another being between his shoulder blades, a strange sensation overcame the same spot. Strange was the only way to explain it. It felt, almost like a cloud was passing through him, not that he had ever experienced that. He found himself even unable to gasp at such an odd feeling. Something had just gone straight through his back, but not out through his chest, and it wasn't even painful. 

                More of the strange feeling followed the initial touch, as Yue felt something drift _into_ him. Suddenly, another set of thoughts came to his consciousness. That startled him. The spell held well, though, and Yue didn't even blink in surprise. 

                _Its all right Yue just relax…_ Clow's soothing voice floated through his mind.

                _What's happening?_ Yue asked in return, showing only concern and curiosity. When no reply came, the moon creature let out a mental sigh and tried to clear his mind. 

                Something, some­_one_ else was there with him, inside him. A small, warm ball of consciousness was lying comfortably in the back of his mind. Comfortably for the creature, it made Yue feel uneasy. Who or what was this thing? It was there, and with a sinking feeling, Yue realized Clow had _wanted_ it there. _Why? Why did he do this?_ Thoughts of failure screamed through his mind as he tried desperately to get a hold of _something_ that would ease his mind. _Calm, that's what Clow said, there's always a reason…_

_You kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart_

_What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when _

                Clow walked back into the room he had vacated hours ago. He saw Yue still standing in the middle, frozen, he hadn't even tried to move. Clow Reed had not meant for the preparation to take so long, a feeling of sadness veiled his normally happy, calm expression. He had not wanted to scare his creature. Yet, even now, as he felt nothing to indicate Yue fighting his spell, he felt his creature's mind stumbling over itself to grasp what had happened. 

                Before noticing he had moved, the magician found himself standing next to the guardian, watching him intently. Yue didn't see him, didn't even recognize that he was there. He frowned, and placed a hand gently on the cool flesh of his angel's cheek. Nothing. Taking his hand back, Clow watched silently, waiting for Yue's blank gaze to register his presence. Suddenly, it stopped; all the mental energy just… stopped. 

_I tried so hard_

_And got so far_

_But in the end_

_It doesn't even matter_

                Yue found himself staring eye to eye with his master, a moment later, he sensed the spell leave him and he still didn't move. Thousands of emotions ran rampant through him. _Fused. That was the only thought in his mind now. __He fused me! But why? WHY? His face remained still despite the one single thought that kept repeating itself. That lump of consciousness was another life, another soul, another mind but not - not another body. They had been fused together like two pieces of metal. _

                Slowly, the moon creature dropped his gaze to the floor, thinking, hurting, condemning. _I wasn't good enough. His thoughts stopped and his emotions ran wild inside him. Empty, he was utterly empty._

                "May I be excused?"

                His master touched his chin, bringing their eyes together again. "Yue-"

                "Please, I would like to leave now." Yue interrupted.

                Clow watched him closely for a moment. "What's wrong, Yue?"

                "I would like to go outside, master, may I leave?" The moon creature repeated.

                "… Of course." The magician finally answered, something discernable showing in his eyes. 

_I had to fall_

_To lose it all_

_But in the end_

_It doesn't even matter_

                He hadn't realized that he had left the room before he was outside. The sun was setting, and the air was crisp, but he didn't notice either. The dirt road leading from Clow's house to the surrounding villages was empty, as usual, so he didn't have to worry about anyone else. The emptiness welled inside him, making him walk faster, extending his wings to the air, moving him quicker. He had to get away, had to think, to clear his mind. Yue almost laughed out loud. _His mind?  __Not anymore. The thought was pulled inside the void with everything else. _

                Streams of sunlight thinned as the forest around him thickened, and he came to a part of the road he hadn't been on before. One of his senses told him that this was the farthest he had ever been from his master's estate. He didn't pay attention to it, just kept walking, a calming dizziness settling warmly over his mind. Part of his logical mind told him that he should go back, should stop and rest because he had never had to draw from Clow from such a distance, never had to rely completely on the moon, that he was drained from what just happened, and so many other things that he knew he should have listened to. But he didn't, and the dizziness finally overcame him, causing him to sway and his wings to tear against low hanging branches. The ground welcomed him with open arms.

_I put my trust in you_

_Pushed as far as I can go_

_And for all this_

_There's only one thing you should know _

                Light, something was glowing on the other side of his eyelids. Slowly, he was able to open his eyes enough to squint at the bright light of the sun streaming in through a window to his left. After a moment of disorientation, Yue opened his eyes completely and was shocked to find he was staring at a ceiling he didn't recognize. 

                "He's up!" A small voice called out next to him.

                He sat up too quickly, and watched as the far wall twisted and blurred. Delicate hands caught his shoulders and stabilized him until his vision cleared. Yue nearly jumped from the contact, and jerked his head to his right, finally able to see the person helping him. "Who are you?" he asked coolly.

                "My name's Cela." She answered, smiling reassuringly. "Don't worry, my father found you on the road and brought you home, you've only been out for a night."

                Letting the information sink in, the moon creature observed the human next to him. She looked considerably shorter than he was, about 14 years old, with short black hair and dark skin. Her face was small and round, with large brown eyes, a small nose and rosy lips. The rough gray dress she wore didn't suit her, but he supposed she really didn't have a choice in clothing. At second glance, the room looked like it was old and poorly kept. Cela had moved to get something on the floor; _I should tell her my name: she seems nice enough.  "I am Yue."_

                The young girl looked back to him, holding a bowl. "That's pretty, it fits you." 

                _Of course it does, he named me after what he made me like. Before he could comment, though, an older woman entered the room. She looked like Cela only a bit taller, and sterner. Her hair was pulled back in a tight bun and had a few gray streaks in it. Instead of a dress, she wore a smock and pants that stopped halfway down her shins, with a rope tying the smock to her waist. _

                "Did you give him something to eat yet, Cela?" She asked in a strict, alto voice.

                Cela held up the bowl. "I was just about to mother, he just woke up."

                "I don't need anything." He answered before the soup was offered. Between waking up and the mother walking, Yue had finally realized that his wings were gone, probably because he had lost consciousness, and most likely the only reason why these humans weren't afraid of him.

                "Don't give me that, you're exhausted that's why you collapsed, you should eat something." The mother replied, walking in further. "What's your name?"

                "Yue." The word was cold, but for some reason, Yue didn't glare or fight with the woman. Something about the way she held herself and talked told him that she was just worrying for him, and utter stranger. It startled him, after all, the only humans he knew besides Clow treated him like a pet, and were cold towards him. He watched her curiously.

                "Motoko-san said he found you on the intersection that leads to the Reed estate." She continued, bringing a cup of water over and giving it to him. "Are you from there?"

                _Motoko? Must be her husband… "Yes, I am." He said finally, dropping his gaze to the sheets. _

                "Couldn't you tell mother? Look at his outfit, it's so pretty." Cela giggled, and offered the bowl to Yue.

                That was right, these people obviously didn't have the kind of wealth or resources that Clow had; they weren't used to seeing people clothed as he was. Amazed at his own sloth since awakening, he spoke softly. "I work for Clow Reed; my clothes are just what he gave me." 

                "Does he treat you well?" The mother asked, sitting down and shooing her daughter from the room.

                "Excuse me?" His head shot up, eyes staring frostily at the woman beside the bed he sat on. 

                "You look exhausted, Yue-san, but it's not a physical exhaustion." 

                He looked at her in astonishment; someone was worried about how he felt? What he thought? Clow was the only one that ever cared. His mind swirled with new thoughts and realizations. "Yes." He finally managed, looking to her eyes. "Of course my master treats me well. I just… I had to get away for a while." 

                She didn't seem to by that answer completely, but was smart enough not to pursue the topic. "You may call me Aemi. My husband will be home from market in a few hours, why don't you eat something in the mean time, and I'll warm some water for a bath?"

                Yue blinked, "A bath?" This woman was really confusing him.

                She laughed a bit at his expression. "You were so cold when Motoko-san brought you in last night. Food to warm you inside, a bath to warm the outside, and all your fears will melt away."

                That actually sounded rather nice. For the first time, Yue felt himself smile in the presence of someone other than his master. He gently picked up the bowl of soup and tried it, finding that the concoction did, in fact, spread warmth through his body. The emptiness receded just a bit, and the consciousness in the back of his mind hummed slightly. "Thank you, Aemi-san." 

_I tried so hard_

_And got so far_

_But in the end_

_It doesn't even matter_

                A few hours later, Yue sat outside with the young girl he'd met just that morning. It was strange, to feel so relaxed around a human, a girl for that matter, so young and naïve, and yet… something about her made him feel comfortable. He had never experienced that from anyone other than Clow himself, let alone a girl, part of the species he'd had the least amount of contact with. Even with Kerobearos, Yue felt the need to keep some kind of guard up, but with Cela and her mother, it was somehow different. Everything was so confusing, and yet, Yue didn't feel the need to sort out everything. 

                A small hand in front of his face brought him out of his thoughts even as he heard Cela inquire, "Yue-san… that's the third time today! Are you sure you're alright?" 

                "Yes, I am sure," he replied, sitting up a bit straighter on the grass covering the lawn behind Cela's house. "I'm sorry, were you saying something?" His tone was cool, yet the way he held himself, and the way he talked didn't seem to affect these people. Another curious thing, he'd remind himself to look into.

                She giggled and plopped down next to him, "Yes I was, Mr. Daydreamer." When he automatically drew back from their close proximity, Cela grabbed his hand and jumped up, pulling the poor creature off balance. "And now, I'll have to show you instead!"

                Yue let himself be pulled up with only a slight glare of indignity. "Show me what?"

                "Yue-san, is it this beautiful all the way to Reed's Estate?" She asked suddenly, guiding him along a dirt path. 

                The question took him by surprise, as did everything this child did, but he managed to answer, "Yes, Kerobearos takes care of the grounds-"

                "Is he a friend of yours?" Cela interrupted.

                "…He's more of a brother… a younger one." 

                Chuckling quietly, Cela pulled her stoic friend up to stand next to her on a rock. "We're here!"

                Yue looked around silently, below him was a small stream that looked like you could easily walk across it, to his right was the house they had come from, and to his left was the meager start of a forest with some flowers at its base. The sun shone down gently, warming the scene slightly while a soft breeze blew. It wasn't as beautiful as Clow's agriculture, but it _felt so comforting. _

                "Nice, isn't it?" Cela asked, sitting down on the rock slab, and hanging her feet off the edge and just above the stream. "I come here once every day, after chores and before afternoon lessons. Sometimes it's nice to just sit and relax, you know?"

                The moon creature felt out of place, _No, no I don't know what that's like, he admitted silently.  He sat down beside the young girl, putting his chin on the top of his left knee. His hair fell to the ground below the rock and was tugged gently by the wind. Yue closed his eyes momentarily to enjoy the little moment of peace. "This is pleasant."_

                Cela laughed, and leapt to her feet. "Yue-san, I have to go, but you can stay as long as you want, okay?" Without giving him a chance to reply, she hugged him tightly then ran off. 

                And the angelic creature was left in shock by the stream. 

_I had to fall_

_To lose it all_

_But in the end_

_It doesn't even matter_

                Dinner had been enjoyable, to Yue's surprise, and although he didn't need to be nourished as humans do, he found the food a delightful change of pace. Motoko-san had showed up about halfway through dinner, and had sat down without so much as a word or glance to Yue. Afterwards, however, the man excused the girls from the room, and asked to speak with the moon creature privately. Yue was automatically apprehensive, and fell back on years of frosty arrogance the moment the women left the room.

                "Don't worry, Yue-san, I just want to talk." The man tried in a gruff voice, but to no avail, he noticed. He had dark brown hair that was tied tightly into a ponytail at the base of his neck, and brown eyes that looked at Yue sharply as the man talked. "You know I'm the one that found you, right?"

                "That is true, your daughter told me." Yue answered coolly, then added, "Thank you."

                "You're welcome, although I must say you were quite the sight when I found you." He leaned back a bit and lit a pipe; smoke swirled up to the wooden ceiling. "First thing I thought I was imagining things, then I thought you a fallen angel, wings torn and muddied," he watched closely for Yue's reaction, and seeing none, continued, "after that, though, I decided to help you out, and the moment I pick ya' up, -poof- no more wings."

                The moon creature shifted his gaze slightly, not sure where he was trying to look. On the one hand, this man had shown good hospitality, and caring for picking him up in the first place. On the other, he was asking questions that were rather personal and surely not his right to add… right? "What is it you want to know?"

                "What and who are you?" Motoko-san set his pipe on the table and clicked it once against the surface. "I do have my family to worry about after all, and although we're far from the village, rumors can start. I just need to know something about the stranger I'm harboring, you can understand that, ne?"

                Yue sighed, Motoko-san did have a point, and both Cela and Aemi had treated him well. With less than a thought, the angelic creature grew his wings out behind him, not surprised to find them already healed. "They go away when I loose consciousness." He explained in a quiet voice, then looked up to meet Motoko's gaze with one full of pride. "I was created by my master, Clow Reed, some time ago, as his guardian. Unfortunately," he paused, not sure why it was he had even left in the first place, "I felt I had to leave for a while…" 

                "You don't have to worry; you're welcome to stay as long as you need." Motoko-san announced, to the utter disbelief of the creature in front of him. "However, you should know that your master himself came by looking for you today, while you were with my daughter."

                Yue's gaze flickered to some emotion unknown even to himself. "Clow? Clow came here?"

                "Yes, he did, seemed pretty sure that you were here too. He just showed up, knocked on the door –Aemi answered it of course- and asked to see you. Remember, this is all second hand from what my wife told me, but she tends to tell a story straight." The smirked and chuckled a bit, "She off and told 'im that you were getting some 'much needed relaxation' as she put it, and that you'd come back when you were ready."

                "She-…" The thought died on his lips, as Yue struggled vainly to overcome an onslaught of emotions. Shock, disbelief, fear, even through joy, the magnitude was amazing, causing the emptiness to shrink again.

                "Got some nerve, that woman; 's why I married her, though. Aemi told me that your master just smiled a bit sadly and gave her this." At that moment, Motoko pulled out something that caught the flickering light of the candles lighting the room and glittered green. 

                Yue took it, studying it intently with crystalline eyes. _This used to be his wife's, why would he give it to me? "That's all?"_

                "He also said to come back when you're ready." The man reclined against the back wall of the room. "I'm assuming you know what he means."

                "I do."

_I tried so hard_

_And got so far_

_But in the end_

_It doesn't even matter_

_I had to fall_

_To lose it all_

_But in the end_

_It doesn't even matter_

                Yue looked at the road behind him to see if it was clear, and finding it was, turned back to the direction he was going and gently lifted into the air. He glanced down at a pair of small ornaments in his left hand. One was the green lacquered hair piece that used to belong to Clow's wife and the other was a small chain Cela had made secretly in her father's silver smithy. It was simple, but Cela had been so proud of it that she practically glowed when she gave it to him. Tucking both inside his outfit, Yue trailed his now empty hand along the tree tops as he flew.

                He still wasn't sure how to handle this new presence in the back of his mind, or the new thoughts the Makita's had spawned, but at least the small family had given him a small retreat from his life. Landing gently on the familiar lawn, Yue took a moment to look around before re-entering the estate of Clow Reed. Though confused in other points, he knew an apology was in order, which meant he had to find his master immediately; no doubt Clow already knew that he was back. 

                A small fear sank back into his mind; _will he be upset? Angry? Disappointed?   Yue shuddered at the very thought of displeasing his master so, it wasn't like him and certainly not what he had intended. But, if he had, he knew he'd face the consequences even if he did not have to. Briefly he wondered if Clow had missed him at all, and felt the lump of consciousness clearly in the back of his mind. It didn't matter; nothing seemed to matter any more. If he had bothered to feel around, he would have noticed that the manner felt like night, like something had changed. But that wouldn't be something he would notice until he looked back on his memories some many years in the future. _


	2. The Wounds That Hurt The Most

**_Why does it feel like night today?_**

**_Something in here's not right today_**

**_Why am I so uptight today?_**

**_Paranoia's all I got left_**

_I __guess I shouldn't complain about my situation, or rather, I never thought I should. I always knew I wasn't like everyone else, but it never really mattered to me. Everyone was supposed to be different, right? But at the same time, I knew that my grandmother and grandfather weren't really mine, weren't really there. Just like knowing that the difference between me and everyone else wasn't just the difference between people. I remember asking Touya once, about my other half. He had looked mildly surprised, but I guess it's only natural to question what another part of you is like, right? That's what To-ya-kun said. _

_                I never was prepared for him to be so different: his appearance, his stature, his demeanor, his speech. It was all… so opposite. It's odd now, to think that he's sitting in the back of my mind, watching everything I do. He's probably even listening to my thoughts on him now, but it doesn't bother me. Go ahead; after all, it was your body first, wasn't it? I am not really sure how I know that, like so many other things. But then, I really don't think about this all too often. That doesn't mean I can't hear you though; like how you react to To-ya's touches. You don't have to be afraid, Yue, he loves you too._

_                Or maybe, that's what you're afraid of, ne? You're afraid of loving and I'm not? Does that mean I am supposed to be your opposite? I don't think that I am; I believe we have more in common than you think. I wish you wouldn't hide from me, or everyone else. You aren't as cold as Touya says, I know because such a cold person wouldn't be afraid to love. What happened to you? You don't have to tell me; I never liked inconveniencing people, I hope you know that, Yue-san. _

_                That's why I don't mind ending up somewhere, and not remembering how I got there. Now I know that it's because of you, so it doesn't confuse me, and I have no reason to be upset. To-ya told me that you promised to watch out for your welfare as well as Sakura's, but you probably think he just means my welfare. It makes me wonder how people can see you as un-caring, promising to watch out for me like you do. I know you don't have to, and I'm thankful that you let me live with To-ya, Yue-san. Please don't keep so closed off, though, it won't help you. _

_                I've begun to feel you in the back of my mind, and your reactions to things. I don't know how or why, but it is comforting to know you're there. I don't know how you think of me, but I hope it's not in anger._

**_I don't know what stressed me first_**

**_Or how the pressure was feed/but_**

**_I know just what it feels like_**

**_To have a voice in the back of my head_**

_                My opposite, maybe, but that's what Kereberos was supposed to be, and how my master was to me; how can one being have three opposites? How you can even sense me at all is beyond my reasoning, I would laugh now were it physically possible while I lie dormant in your mind: why am I even talking to you if you'll hear none of it? It doesn't matter though, not anymore, I have been empty for far too long, and you will continue to overflow for as long as you live. However long that is, I haven't a clue. _

_                It's interesting to think about, actually, how distant two beings can be while they are so close together. But you are not distant enough to be my opposite, Yukito, not near distant enough. I am still jaded from my past, my life before I was sent to the book. I am still too weak and too lost to come back yet. This is far more than I would say even to my mistress, so it's just as well that you cannot hear me. I have heard of and observed a human's need for companionship and a human's need for release. It can be dangerous to let feelings sit within you and fester instead of letting them out slowly they come out in a tumult of chaos that serves only to worsen things. Again I find myself wondering if things would have been easier were I human. _

_                I would never have lived as long as I have… but then, you survived, so maybe I would have. Though, I question my abilities to perform as Clow wanted me to, were I human. No use thinking about things that never could have and never will happen, though I find little else that will take me from grief very long. You think me closed off, but if that were so I don't think I should know the meaning of the word 'open'. Being subtle is in my nature, I suppose that is why my master was the only one to touch me that deeply; the only one who could understand me. _

_                I'm sure Kereberos understands to an extent, that lion continues to surprise me. I was made to balance him, but sometimes I wonder if it wasn't the other way around. After all, not all things can go by design. This makes me question, again, the fusion of us. If we are as close as we are supposed to be, why is it that you cannot see my thoughts or my movements when I can see yours? There is no spell in place for that… so is it me? Am I keeping these thoughts away from you? If I am, I assume I do so not to spare you, but to keep something that is mine alone. _

_                If you heard me speak, I wonder if you would still consider me as you do now. I do care for you far more than I do myself, but sometimes I wish… Ah, but wishing is for the stars, not the moon._

**_It's like a face that I hold inside_**

**_A face that awakes when I close my eyes_**

**_A face that watches every time I lie_**

**_A face that laughs every time I fall_**

                "Still, I worry about him, Soya," Adzuki continued, speaking as the thoughts came to his mind, "I don't think he yet understands all that he does."

                "He's not a child anymore," Soya answered the man sitting on a low branch a few feet from her. 

                "He'll always be a child to me, Soya dear," he answered with a smirk, and brought his right foot up to sit on the branch with him. The movement caused his dark blue overcoat to slip away and reveal loose black pants bunched slightly at the knee where the silver of his shin guards stopped to allow movement. "No matter how old he gets, I'll look after him. Perhaps I'm just getting soft in my old age."

                "Perhaps," The druid answered with a light laugh. Her plain, light brown and dark green dress shifted around her body as she leaned back against the tree that the branch she sat on was attached to. "But I do not think that is so, Clow does that to anyone regardless of age or occupation. Doubtless, you have seen this."

                It was Adzuki's turn to chuckle, making the flesh at his temples crinkle into familiar patterns that tugged at the grey streaks of hair that flew through his otherwise black hair from his temples. "So I have, so I have, as much could be said about anyone who not only befriended Saizu, but also kept him under control." 

                Soya's eyes sparkled less at the mentioning of the warrior. "Perhaps physically hold him back, but not enough to keep damage from occurring-"

                "You speak of Clow's Moon Shadow," the old sorcerer interrupted with a pointed look, "and that is exactly what I was talking about."

                "You are almost as subtle as that white bird, then, if I am to grasp your implications," Soya answered candidly, winking at her friend.

                "And what would those implications be, fair lady?"

                Sitting up straight once more, the druid held an arm out for her falcon friend and petted it softly so she could think straighter. It was a habit Adzuki had noticed of all his Druid friends, and thus did not speak out against the delay. "That Clow's creation of guardians was not for the reasons he gives, but for others that he will not admit to himself. Is that really dangerous to him, though?"

                "You almost have it, and yet what you have said is dangerous by itself, dear Soya, can't you see that?" Adzuki replied, laying a hand on his right knee, and leaning against the tree he sat on so that he may look at the night sky. "Although he created both guardians on a well known, thoroughly debated, old, and yet effective and true premise, if he does not know his true reasons for doing such it will be disaster both for him and them now, and in this future that he sees for himself and others. This much is still clear to me, though other things may not be."

                "You speak as his father once did, Adzuki," Soya answered in a soft voice. She sighed and let the falcon go free again, watching it take flight into the night sky. "The moon is waning tonight, much as our age is, beloved friend. Perhaps it is an omen of the ill fortune you see. Yet, my people have long watched the moon, and long served this nature, and I feel nothing of ill traveling through my veins. I do, however, feel a change that can be ill for people such as us. The age of magic is coming to an end, and an age of science begins. What Clow wishes to save is not the magic itself, but its knowledge and logic, so that our descendants may not be lost in currents of a time and place that they do not understand."

                "And to do so, he needed someone or two persons to guide those that are to come," Adzuki murmured thoughtfully, and dropped his gaze from the sky once more.  "It fits, and yet, I still wonder if he really knows… His guardians are very different, Soya, why have one with the form of a lion and the other the form of an angel if they are but truly guardians and guides?"

                "Perhaps that is a question best asked of their creator," she winked and stood from her resting place. 

                "What are you up to, Soya? You have that look of mischief in your eyes," Adzuki spoke, smiling, and rose from his spot with her. 

                "As you said, grown though his is, a child he remains… and a child must always heed the call of an adult they respect," she said gaily as she took a stick from the ground and drew an image on to the forest floor.

                "A summoning circle, Soya?" Adzuki laughed softly, "Clow will be very surprised to be summoned as a beast or demon."

                "Let him be, he needs to experience more than his own magic," Soya spoke crisply, but not without mirth. Without further conversation she held her hands out in front of her and spoke an incantation of a language long ago lost. Little straining that concentration in less than the minute it took, Clow stood within the circle blinking like a blind man given vision for the first time. However, Adzuki and Soya were not to be spared a similar amount of surprise when both guardians appeared as well, instantly moving defensively around their master. 

                There was a pause after the magic dissipated that was broken the moment Kereberos saw Soya. "You!" he yelped gleefully, while he pounced her to the ground. 

                She laughed and fell on her butt, trying her best to control the overly joyful greeting of the sun creature. "Yes, it's me, Kero-chan," Soya laughed as she pushed the great cat back enough for her to stand again. 

                Despite the tension suddenly breaking, Yue didn't move from where he stood between Clow and Adzuki. After getting over his initial shock, the magician chuckled softly, and addressed his sorcerer friend. "This was Soya's idea, I take it?"

                "As always," Adzuki replied, glancing about at those gathered, "although, she only meant to summon you, and not your guardians as well."

                "Well, it was definitely a new experience," Clow Reed answered, a smile still on his face as his laid a calming hand on Yue's arm. "It's okay, Yue, they're just having fun with me."

                Yue frowned but nodded and moved a bit forward to answer Adzuki's unasked question. "We are bound to our master, Adzuki-san; after all, what's the point of creating guardians if they cannot be there to protect you?"

                "Good point, good point," Adzuki raised his hands in yet another calming gesture while Kero trotted back to the group with Soya at his side. Apparently, the moon creature was not as happy when it came to suddenly popping up in the forest in the middle of the night, among friends, as the sun creature was. 

                "I'm glad it was a new experience, I thought you could use one," Soya laughed, and waved Clow to one of the low branches they had been using as chairs. "Come, we wished to talk with you…" she trailed off at the end, glancing at the other two creatures present. 

                "Alone," Adzuki finished in a tone that said they would not talk otherwise. 

                Clow looked long at his friends, and then softly told Yue and Kereberos to return home. The large feline thumped his tail and pouted, "Aw, we never get to stay for the interesting stuff!" He turned and went back to the summoning circle, heading home the moment he was fully inside. 

                Yue was less pleased with this turn of events, and gave Clow a look that said as much. "Master," he began, but a hand gesture from Clow caused the moon creature to instantly cut himself off.

                "Yue, leave me, you know I face no danger from Soya and Adzuki," Clow's voice has cool and crisp, but he smiled softly to try and take some of the bite from his words. His creation's face went completely blank, though he could feel some emotions warring within him, and Clow would have spoken again had Yue not stepped back, bowed once, and disappeared. Since he had not used the summoning circle, Clow assumed Yue had gone back to his own room. The magician frowned and turned back to his friends, taking a seat between them. "Sorry that took longer than expected," he let the frown drop away, and smiled at Soya, "next time, though, it would be easier to just ask me to come."

                Soya and Adzuki shared a glance that caused Adzuki to sigh and lean back into his previous seat. "Yes, next time," Adzuki finally answered.

                Clow looked between his friends, and grew serious the longer he sat on the tree branch. "What is it you wanted to talk about?" he asked eventually. 

                "Truly?" Adzuki spoke lightly from Clow's left, and almost chuckled as he continued, "The two creatures that just left." 

                "But I have already shown you all I can about how they came about," Clow began, but was cut off by Soya.

                "No, my dear Clow, those secrets belong to you and your father, none of us could follow your instructions anyway," she said, while shifting so she leaned on her left elbow and looked at the magician. "We wished to speak of the why, not the how."

                "Indeed, we wondered if you knew the why enough to speak of it," Adzuki continued.

                "I have already told you," again, Clow was cut off.

                "No, you gave us an answer that was both tactful and plausible, but you did not give us the real answer," Soya replied.

                "Then you will have to rephrase your question, because I do not think I understand what you are asking," Clow answered, looking from Soya to Adzuki with a light gaze backed by heavy thoughts. 

                "Why have you made one guardian as a beast from the nature around us, and another as an angel from the heavens above us?" Adzuki clarified in a quiet, but firm voice that was indeed like a father's. 

                "Because I created them to be opposite," the magician started, only to realize that he was not going to be allowed to finish much of what he said.

                "So man and beast are opposites?" Soya interrupted again. 

                "Why did you need one to be as you are?" Adzuki's low voice rumbled softly.

                This time, Clow Reed did not answer straight away and gazed up through the branches above him to the starry not. "Because, though both were made as guardians and guides I needed both for companionship after she died," he sounded strained, almost as if saying such words was physically hard for him.          

                "You could get companionship from a domestic cat, or bird or dog, but you did not want the company of a pet, or indeed, that is what you would have made," the druid answered, laying a reassuring hand on Clow's forearm.

                He looked down from the sky, a deep sadness showing in his eyes, but did not speak. Instead, the sorcerer said, "Usually one finds the companionship of a friend from traveling and meeting many people, like you met us, and I can think of no one else who knows as many creatures human and not, than you."

                "That may be true, Adzuki-san, but I have found what I needed in both Kereberos and Yue, and I have also been able to prepare for my daughter and my son with those same guardians. I can think of no others that would fill both spots." Clow answered, turning defensive eyes to Adzuki.

                "Friends do not answer every beck and call you have, nor do they anticipate your needs and find ways to meet those needs before you even speak. Indeed they do make you feel better when you are down, and are always there when you need them, but they do not serve you, and they are not dependant upon you," Soya replied gently.

                "What are they dependant on me for?" Clow asked in return, "I gave the power and personality of the sun to Kereberos, and the power and personality of the moon to Yue," again he was cut off, but this time by Adzuki.

                "But the moon is inherently dependant on the sun for its light to shine, and though it may determine the change in tides, nature, and have its own life and magic, it depends on the earth to stay the moon and not float away. When the sun falls behind the earth, the moon is thrown into darkness and cannot be seen. And when the moon stays between the earth and the sun, it is rimmed by a fiery halo and changes so that it will not be changed back."

                "You are upset, then, that I made Yue too dependant?" Clow questioned, looking at both once more. 

                "No, for it is human nature to be so dependant," Adzuki spoke casually.

                "…Human…" Clow Reed looked very much like the shocked young boy that Adzuki saw him as. 

                "Will you say now, why you created him to be as you are?" Soya asked again.

                "I needed close friends after she died," the magician began slowly, and looked to the sky again, "but what I really needed was someone who needed me, so I could grow strong again. I needed someone to just understand, and not pity me. That's why I created them, as friends, Kereberos for my wilder side that seeks activity, warmth and unyielding joy, and Yue for my contemplative, stationary and sad side that sought only my memories."

                "But a simple friend would not look at you that way," Soya pushed.

                "And a friend would tell you when they were upset with something you have said or done, or stop being as friendly," the sorcerer added kindly.

**_(And watches everything)_**

                Clow reappeared in his manor a few hours after he had been summoned to the forest. He was met by his sun guardian, who gazed up at him from the floor where his head lay on his front paws. "That was a long talk," he yawned.

                The thoughtful, almost sad expression on Clow's face faded somewhat, as he knelt down and scratched Kereberos behind the ears. "Longer than you know."

                "I'm sure I can guess," the feline laughed and leaned into the pleasant touch. 

                "And you, I'm sure, had a wonderful night instead of getting any work done," the magician said jovially, while starting to stand again.

                "I," Kereberos began, rising as well as stressing the word, "cleaned the library, the sitting room, the kitchen, cleaned up your experiment, and put away your notes."

                This information startled Clow somewhat, and he looked down at his creation, "Well then, have you and Yue switched minds and not told me?"

                It was meant as a joke but, oddly, the large feline didn't laugh, and just thumped his tail on the floor. "No, though I sometimes think that would be a good idea, so I could smack some sense into it."

                His master arched an eyebrow as the statement came out with no mirth in it at all. "What do you mean?" Clow questioned tiredly; it had been a long night.

                "He's probably still in his room, I haven't seen him all night, and he wouldn't answer when I talked through his door. And he's not just being arrogant this time, he's upset over something you did," Kero answered bluntly, and looked up at his master.

                Sighing, the magician turned towards the hallway. "He must think he did something wrong again," he would have said more, but it seemed that everyone was going to cut him off that night.

                "No. I think he knows that he has done nothing wrong, and you're still treating him as if he has. I'm not blind," he growled irritatedly, but was also cut off.

                "If it was that, then he would have said something," Clow answered, and turned for the hallway again.

                "Will you listen?" Kereberos yelled, and latched onto his master's hand with his teeth, dragging the shocked man back into the living room. He let go, and looked up, "I'm worried about him because he won't say anything! He doesn't know how to be upset with you! I tell you when I'm upset, mad, or just plain irritated because I know you want to know when something is wrong. And I'm carefree enough not to worry about what I say to the point of it hurting you even slightly! Yue's not like that, and he doesn't know how to deal with it! Think, Clow, when have I ever worried about him before? Don't you think that it would take a lot for me to just worry, let alone get mad at you for it?"

**_So I know that when it's time to sink or swim_**

**_That the face inside is hearing me/ right underneath my skin_**

                Darkness that wasn't really black and a kaleidoscope of colors that wasn't really light surrounded him. He wasn't really floating, just sitting, or standing, maybe lying down, there was no real sense of direction to tell and no touch to tell whether his knees where bent, or if there was a floor. It wasn't disorientating, though, because he couldn't see or feel any of it. It was like falling into a light sleep on a water bed, and knowing that you were asleep, but not being able to identify what position you were in, or even the room, and not having the willpower to wake up and find out. 

                Yukito shifted under the covers and unconsciously moved closer to Touya as he continued to remember those few times that he had been forced to the back of Yue's mind. He drew in a quick breath, as some images he didn't recognize spun in his mind, and he felt another's shock at the leakage of memories between them. He rolled over, dragging the sheets with him, and rousing the body next to him from slumber.

                "Yukito?" Touya groaned tiredly, and opened his eyes. He looked to his left, and seeing Yukito twist and turn so much, he put a hand on his lover's shoulder. "Yukito, wake up," he said gruffly, and shook his shoulder.

                But Yukito just rolled over and curled up more, giving a moan of struggle. Worried, Touya sat up, now fully awake, and pulled on Yukito's upper arm, then shook him again, but his lover just fell deeper into the dreams. "Yukito!" he tried calling out again, "Yukito wake up!" Before he had a chance to react, white light covered his vision. 

**_It's like I'm/ Paranoid lookin' over my back_**

**_It's like a/ Whirlwind inside my head_**

**_It's like I/ Can't stop what I'm hearing within_**

**_It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin_**

                Something was wrong… Yukito was reacting to the images _he was remembering. Yue did the mental equivalent of blinking in shock and realized that Yukito reacted to __that too. Something was happening, and Yue couldn't stop it. He tried not to panic, but he was quickly drowning in thoughts and emotions that came out of know where, and threw his mind and soul at odds with Yukito's. The result was an unplanned battle for dominancy. Before he knew what was happening, Yue opened his eyes and sat bolt upright in bed, panting from exertion, with a cold sweat making his long hair stick to his back and neck._

                Again, the thought that something wasn't right rang through his mind a moment before realization hit him. He was cold, and he could feel his hair against the skin of his back… which meant… his eyes widened, and he looked around frantically.

                "Yue!" Touya's shocked voice came from his right, even as Yue turned to look at him. The look on Touya's face was clearly one of worry and a little bit of hesitation. "What," he started, but Yue started talking at the same time.

                "I don't know what happened," the moon creature's voice wavered, making his panic and confusion very evident. Never before had he felt as weak and afraid as he did then, gripping the sheets hard and shaking from the cold of the night.

                Touya was struck at the emotions the moon creature was showing so openly, he looked like a frightened bird, and was about as jittery, he found out after he tried to put his hand on Yue's shoulder. "Just… Just calm down, Yue-san," he murmured softly, trying to think of something to do that didn't involve touching the stoic and frightened creature next to him. "If you're here, then something must have happened that forced you to take control…" he began to think out loud, hoping it would cause Yue to fall back into rational trains of thought. 

                Slowly, Yue was able to stop his shaking and closed his eyes, drawing in a shuddering breath. "Yes, Yukito was dreaming, and somehow some of my memories slipped between us, and I don't know what happened afterwards… There was shock, and surprise, then panic…" he couldn't finish, and trailed off, staring hard at the wall on the other side of the room.

                Tugging on the covers lightly, Touya pulled them from Yue's hands in an attempt to get the moon guardian to relax. "All right, let's try going over it again, slower this time, maybe we'll find something we missed before," he suggested, speaking as he would to a scared child.

**_I know I've got a face in me_**

**_Points out all my mistakes to me_**

**_You've got a face on the inside too and_**

**_You're paranoia's probably worse_**

                Warm air misted around him as the hot water soothed his chilled body; Yue drew in a deep breath of the hot, moist air, letting it fill his lungs and relieve his tension. He let the air escape, and opened his eyes, choosing only to gaze down at the water he sat in, knowing that he'd only blush and feel dirty the moment he looked up to find Touya's pity-filled gaze. It was bad enough that neither his clothes nor his wings had appeared when he awoke, probably something to do with Yukito sleeping naked, but he'd had the sheets and blankets before. He couldn't even remember how, but Touya had mentioned a bath to warm him up, and memories of Aemi came back; the next thing he knew, he was sitting in the bathtub of Yukito's house that really belonged to both him and Touya now. And his thoughts were rambling to keep him from realizing that _he, not Yukito had walked naked from the main bedroom to the bathroom._

                Not that it really mattered, because Touya had already seen Yukito naked many times before, and in a sense saw nothing new, but it was different when Yue was in charge. He couldn't even begin to explain it, and thus, tried to put it out of his mind and just let the bath calm him into rational thinking again.

                Touya watched from the doorway, holding a cup of steaming tea that he'd brought up for Yue, but the minute he'd entered the room, he'd stopped and just watched. He felt a little guilty looking at Yue lean against the far wall of the tub and sigh as he tried to collect himself. Mentally, Touya berated himself, _He just went through the shock of his life, and you're watching him like a voyeur, that's got to be helping things. Narrowing his eyes, the dark haired man forced himself to move forward and kneel down next to the plain white plastic of the outside of the bathtub. _

                "Here's some tea," Touya stated quietly, holding the ceramic cup out to the stoic creature soaking in his bathtub.

                Yue regarded the human through heavy, wet bangs and somehow managed to keep his skin the pale white it usually was. "Thank you," he murmured softly, for the sake of politeness and delicately took the cup into both sets of fingers. Holding it from the bottom allowed the tea to warm his fingers before he drank enough to warm him from the inside. He smiled softly as he remembered Aemi's voice: _"Food to warm you inside, a bath to warm the outside, and all your fears will melt away."_

                Sighing, the human leaned against the tub as he moved from kneeling to sitting next to the soaking creature. "That should take away the chill."

                "It does," Yue answered softly, then added, "Feels like a memory."

                Touya didn't feel he had the right to ask what memory that was, and sighed quietly. "I wish it wouldn't take something nearly as frightening to get you to come out for a bit." 

                The angelic creature arched a delicate eyebrow, feeling more like himself once more. "What do you mean? I thought you wanted to be with Yukito."

                "I do, anyone would want to be with the one they love," Touya reassured him, and turned to look at Yue's questioning gaze. "But you're apart of him too, and I can't stand to think of what it must be like to be crammed in the back of someone's mind for years on end. Not only that, but Sakura is worried about you," he would have continued, but it seemed like fate would never let anyone of Clow's bloodline say entirely what they wished.

                "She's worried?" Yue repeated, slightly confused. "If that is true, why hasn't she summoned me to her?"

                The human sighed, and couldn't help smiling before replying, "She didn't want to bother you. She loves you as a friend, Yue, not as a servant, and she would never impose, interrupt, or inconvenience you if she thought she didn't have to. But she is worried that you haven't come out in a few years, and Kero's getting antsy about _something."_

                Yue's eyes dropped back down to the floor. "Then I should apologize, I did not wish to worry her," he sighed and set the empty ceramic cup on the tile floor. Something was bothering him now; what had made Kereberos act 'antsy' the last time…? "But I stayed away so I wouldn't bother anyone, and I won't start now. Please tell Kereberos that I am fine and tell my mistress as well."

                "Why don't _you tell them?" Touya prodded, "They'd believe it more if you were saying it and not me."_

                "I am sure," Yue found himself looking away again, "but I cannot do so right now."

                "Why not? You're talking with me, aren't you?" the human insisted. 

                "Because," the moon creature spoke as he turned to look Touya in the eyes, "if _I told them I was fine, I would be lying, and I will never lie to my mistress."_

**_I don't know what set me off first but I know what I can't stand_**

**_Everybody acts like the fact of the matter is_**

**_I can't add up to what you can_**

                _I really am not bothered by this love that my other half has fostered with my mistress' brother. And yet, I am confused how one half of me can love this human when I will love none other than my master. Yue let his eyes wander around the room, his gaze landing conveniently away from Touya. __How does one answer such a question? A sigh escaped his lips, and his gaze shifted again to the floor as he thought further. __Why am I even acting like this? He does not need to know, had know right to ask… I should have gone back to the book an hour ago. But Yukito, you don't feel settled yet, by any god, what is happening?_

_                Again, he shifted, but this time lifted his head and flicked some of his hair back with a slight twitch of his neck. "Yukito's love for you," he started, and then rethought what he was going to say, "it is his own, and I have not, and will not interfere because I know that you return it. I have seen no reason to stop your relationship and will not in the future." _

                Touya looked long at Yue, noting that the air of stoic arrogance had once again formed around him. Yue's voice had been soft, but crisp and cold as it normally was, though the subject was something he had not expected to get an answer about. However, the reply did little to answer his question. "But what I asked you was whether or not it was okay with you. Yukito mentioned something about you… not appreciating," he valiantly fought back a blush and almost succeeded – almost – "us…"

                Again, an elegant eyebrow was raised, as cat like eyes regarded the human with a sideways glance. "Not appreciating you…?" Yue prompted.

                "When we, well, when we," Touya felt awkward talking with Yue about this; somehow, the moon guardian made him feel almost childish at times, "When we make love, he said that you didn't appreciate it." 

                A shadow passed over Yue's eyes as he pulled the cloth of his outfit absently. He had been relieved when his clothes had come on his summons, but they didn't help him from feeling stark naked and vulnerable right then. Just as suddenly as they had been shadowed, his eyes turned to the frosty diamonds they normally were. "Of course I do not appreciate it; you are having sex with the shadow of my body. I cannot think of many people who would appreciate such touches and feelings granted at the whim of another's lover," he answered coldly.

                Touya winced slightly at the harsh words; it wasn't that he'd never taken Yue into consideration: he cared a great deal for the moon guardian, but that didn't help him to stop when Yukito was nestled softly against him. But how to tell Yue that eluded him entirely. "Yue," he started, but fell silent when Yue held up his hand.

                "However, I also know that Yukito usually initiates those touches, and the pain of not being able to touch the one you love. That is why I have not spoken against that kind of involvement," he added softly, though no less crisply, "I do not wish to put either of you through that."

**_But everybody has a face that they hold inside_**

**_A face that awakes when they close their eyes_**

**_A face that watches every time they lie_**

**_A face that laughs every time they fall_**

                The warm night air filtered in through a window above his bed; it was just strong enough to gently sway the light, white curtains hung over the sides of the window. Yue watched the curtain move with mild interest. He could clearly see the night sky from where he lay on his bed. The clear, dark blue sky shone with the light of many summer constellations that he had named off in his head until he could no longer focus on them. He briefly remembered the sun guardian's presence, but could not remember how long ago that had been.

                He turned his mind, once more, to the tumultuous emotions within him. They were fanned out across him in such a conflicting array that he could barely distinguish any of them. His eyes slid shut as the pangs of a headache started again. In the back of his mind he felt a strange, hesitant set of bundled emotions and knew it was that thing that Clow had fused him with. A small smile flitted temporarily across his lips when he realized that the being was trying to comfort him. He felt no anger or resentment towards that creature nestled tenderly in his mind, he regarded it with a kindness and care usually shown only to his master.

                He sat up straight with the sudden realization that that very man had already been back for a few minutes. Finally having something to focus on, although he didn't know with what emotion he was focusing, Yue rose from his bed, silently commanding his clothes to change back to his normal outfit, and tying his hair back to the way Clow liked it. Confused or not, his master was back, and he would greet him. He didn't even bother with the door, and just slipped through the wall, knowing that he only needed to bother with doors when there were guest present. 

                Floating a bit above the floor, he hovered forward at a walking pace, and wondered idly how long Clow had been home before he realized it. He felt calmer now that he had something other than his own emotions to focus on. In fact, it felt as if he was sinking back into his normal ways: a comforting thought. The hallway outside of his room was lengthy and passed the patio, Kereberos' room, Clow's chambers and a large bathroom before splitting and opening ways to the library, living room, and many other rooms that Yue had yet to even visit. The moon guardian was just passing his master's quarters when he saw Clow walking down the hallway wearing a thoughtful expression. 

                "Master," the moon creature started saying only to trail off when he saw the condition of Clow's left hand. Blood was seeping to the surface of the skin and trailing down his fingers to where it dripped on to his right hand held beneath it. Yue's eyes grew wide in shock; he had never seen his master bleed from even a small paper cut.  He didn't like the look of it one bit. "Clow! What happened?" he asked with a shocked voice as he sped forward to gently observe the wound. 

                "Kereberos just got a little… antsy," Clow Reed spoke softly, not even sounding in pain as he continued to walk forward. He couldn't help smiling at the way Yue fussed over him like a mother bird. The mental comparison nearly made him laugh out loud. 

                "I hope you were going to the medical supplies in your room," the moon creature said in a 'you better have been' voice. He ignored, for a moment, Clow's answer to his earlier question, and practically dragged the injured magician to Clow's own chambers and set him on some random piece of furniture. He remembered where the medical supplies were from the numerous times when Kereberos had come in with this problem or that. "Do you need me to mix up a pain relieving tea, master?"

                Clow gave a soft sigh, and watched Yue from where he sat, "No, I'm fine, Yue. You know Kereberos would never purposely badly hurt me."

                "You're back for a few minutes, and you're already playing with him?" the moon creature asked incredulously as he knelt down in front of the human's chair and delicately began cleaning the bleeding hand. 

                "Not exactly," Clow answered, silently noting that any other person would have sat next to him instead of kneeling in front of him, "actually, he was worried about you."

                "Me?" Yue blinked, glancing up from his ministrations. Earlier, when he came to my room, he must have been checking on me… He quickly moved back to bandaging his master's hand. "I don't see why he was worried, or how that amounts to a shredded hand."

                Another sigh slipped through Clow's lips, he seemed to be doing that a lot lately. "I was leaving for my rooms, but he wasn't finished talking, so he grabbed my hand," he explained, then added lightly, "Of course, it would have been a better idea, and a lot less painful if he had hands to do that with."

                "I'm sure," the creature agreed, and finished tying the bandages on the top of Clow's left wrist. He tucked the ends under the wrapped parts of the white cloth.  Carefully, he set down the injured hand and placed his own hands in his lap. Normally, he would have rested his head on his master's thigh, but that somehow didn't feel… permissible tonight. 

                Clow took note of that, and leaned forward to slip a finger under Yue's chin and lift it so he could look his creation in the eyes. "Yue, he was worried because he could tell something was wrong, and if it was worth getting a bloody hand over, I think it's worth knowing." The end was spoken with a slight chuckle to show he didn't mind getting the injury.

                Something inside the moon guardian froze then, a stinging coldness seeped through his body and showed in a sharpened gaze. "That would be something worth knowing, master, and could I tell you what it was I would."

                The magician was taken aback by the way Yue looked at him, and the stinging words. Kereberos was right, Yue didn't know how to deal with it, and it was also evident that his dear creature was upset because of something he had done. He watched Yue continue to kneel there and look back as if waiting to be scolded or told to leave. "Yue," he spoke quietly, reaching down and grabbing the moon creature's right wrist, "join me on the seat."

                Blinking, the guardian rose, and did as he was bid, letting Clow guide him to a spot directly beside the magician. He looked back at the man he was now sitting next to and felt so many jumbled emotions that he couldn't settle his mind enough to speak. Clow, on the other hand, used the leverage of Yue's wrist to pull the creature to him and capture his lips in a soft, loving kiss. Yue let his eyes drift shut and responded to the kiss without hesitation; no matter what mood he was in, he always knew that he loved this man and would never let any of his thoughts or actions come in the way of that.

                When he broke the kiss, Clow held his creation close to him, and set his head on it's shoulder. Yes, Yue was definitely not the friend he had originally intended him to be. This being he held was far more complicated and far more to him than just a friend. "I want you to tell me what is bothering you without keeping anything back," he whispered against the pale skin.

                Yue felt himself calming under his master's touch and laid his upper body against the soft material of Clow's furniture. For a while all he could hear was their soft breathing and all he felt was the magician's hold around him. He shivered when Clow's breath danced over his skin as his master asked him a question. He had a faint memory of anger, but his mind was now still as he gazed as if through a fog at the closed door to the hallway. "I think I was… upset with you, but that can't be-" 

                "It's all right to be upset or even angry with me, Yue. If I had wanted you to be mindless I would have made you that way," Clow interrupted lightly. "But I made you to have your own mind and emotions, and if those emotions are ever hurt in any way, I want to know."

                "Why did you send me away?" Yue asked abruptly. He placed his left hand on Clow's shoulder and regretfully pulled back from the embrace. "And why did you come after me when I left, but leave without me?" Tears were hastily blinked away as he looked up at his master.

                "I left without you because you needed time to adjust, and I thought that time could be well spent among that family. I knew you were safe and could take care of yourself. I sent you away before because Soya and Adzuki wanted to speak with me privately," they were both such easy answers, and Clow seemed surprised that Yue had even asked.

                "About what?"

                "If I told you there would have been no point in dismissing you earlier," the magician smirked a bit in an attempt to lighten the mood. 

                The angelic creature had such a wounded look that Clow was hard pressed not to pull him into another comforting kiss. "There are so many things… but I could never be mad with you, Clow," Yue finally answered, dropping his gaze and removing his hands. 

                "Yue," the man smiled comfortingly and reached out to tenderly hold Yue's chin in his right hand, and rub his thumb over a pale cheek, "I never wanted you to be mad with me, but that does not mean you cannot feel anything bad towards me." 

                Yue's eyes glistened with an extra sheen of water as he melted into Clow's touches. He nodded as much as he could before his head was placed, either by his will or his master's, against the yielding fabric across Clow's chest.

**_(And watches everything)_**

**_So you know that when it's time to sink or swim_**

**_That the face inside is watching you too/ Right inside your skin_**

                Touya looked up, suddenly feeling something change. He couldn't put his finger on it, but something had definitely happened. Pausing in stirring the stew, he turned the stove to low, and walk out to the living room. "Yue?" he called out hesitantly.

                Looking over his left shoulder, Yue regarded Touya with a distant gaze, "Yes?"

                "Is something wrong? I felt…something," Touya trailed off as he entered the room, realizing how odd that sounded. Then, he remembered who he was talking to, and picked up the thought again. "I felt something change, are you okay?"

                The guardian dropped his gaze to the couch he sat on and thought for a moment while he checked on Yukito. He was almost lost in his thoughts again when the cushion next to him sunk under added weight, causing him to look up and meet the human's dark gaze. "I'm fine," he finally answered, "I was just thinking, and I checked on Yukito, there is nothing wrong with him either." The last statement caused Yue's emotions collapse into each other.

                "Are you sure? I know I felt something," Touya prodded, still looking critically at Clow Reed's creation. 

                No, now he was starting to doubt whether or not everything really was okay. Yue had told Touya already that he was _not fine, but he could already feel the emptiness starting to ache again. He didn't want to deal with this, not now, not when he could even think straight. Abruptly, he stood up from the couch, and replied, "You have nothing to worry about, Touya."_

                "What're you talking-" Touya began, but stopped short to cover his eyes when a white light erupted around Yue.

**_It's like I'm/ Paranoid lookin' over my back_**

**_It's like a/ Whirlwind inside my head_**

**_It's like I/ Can't stop what I'm hearing within_**

**_It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin_**

                And suddenly, Touya was blinking an image of Yukito into focus. The gently human looked around with a mild amount of shock before his eyes met with Touya's. "It was him again, wasn't it?"

                Touya nodded, and gritted his teeth, trying to keep his anger in check. "Yeah, it was, and he _just left without as much as a warning," he closed his mouth to keep from yelling and tried to settle down. "I hate it when he does that."_

                "He was just overwhelmed, To-ya," Yukito smiled reassuringly, moved back to the couch, pulling Touya down to sit next to him. 

                "How do you know that? You usually act like you've just woken up," Touya questioned, calming mostly because Yukito helped him.

                "I don't know," he shrugged, and then chuckled softly, "I seem to be shocking a couple of people recently."

                "That reminds me, I could hardly get a word out of Yue all night; do you know what happened? I mean, one minute I'm sleeping next to you, and the next Yue's sitting next to me like a frightened bird."

                Yukito laughed at the comparison, "I doubt he'd like to hear that, Touya-kun."

                "I doubt that he _didn't hear me," Touya joked, snaking an arm around Yukito's shoulders. "Just try to stick around for a bit, okay? Yue only stayed because he said you needed to 'settle'. Could you tell me what __that is supposed to mean?"_

                "I'm… not sure," Yuki lamented and snuggled against Touya with a small smile. "I remember being shocked then something… twisted and I don't think I could handle it, so Yue must have taken over so I didn't have to. Afterwards I just had this uncomfortable feeling… and that's all I can really remember."

                "That's a bit more than what Yue could piece together… are _both of you all right for now?"_

                "For now," Yukito nodded, and then grinned a bit sheepishly, "Um, Touya…"

                "Yeah?"

                "I'm really hungry…"

**_It's like I'm/ Paranoid lookin' over my back_**

**_It's like a/ Whirlwind inside my head_**

**_It's like I/ Can't stop what I'm hearing within_**

**_It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin_**

                "So, did you two talk?" Yukito asked in-between spoonfuls of soup.

                "A bit, he's not really one for conversation," Touya replied, pouring himself a bowl of soup.

                "And…?" his lover prodded.

                "And he's a very depressed and closed off person," the dark haired man answered while taking a seat. "But, I know he's got a heart in there somewhere, because he's also very self-sacrificing."

                Yukito nodded, "Like you."

                "Well, I  ... Uh…" Touya stuttered, and blushed; he never could take a compliment from Yukito.

                "So…?" Yukito pushed, still chuckling at Touya's reaction.

                "So… even though he said he doesn't want to… erm… come between us, I don't want to … do… anything until everything is settled," he concluded, trying to beat his best record for the most prominent blush, and then quickly added, "If you don't mind."

                "You're so caring, To-ya," Yukito smiled, "I don't mind."

                Touya grumbled something incoherent about not being able to eat, and managed to smile back at his lover. "Well, as long as you're okay with everything, Yuki."

                Yukito chuckled at the nickname, "I don't mind, I want Yue-san to be happy too. And anyway, it'd be easier if both sides of your schizophrenic, high-maintenance boyfriend were happy, right?"

                Touya nearly spits his soup across the room; choking down the hot liquid he stared at the boy across from him. "What?" Yukito looked like he was going to say something, but Touya rode over him, "Who said that?" he shouted, clearly upset.

                "It was a joke, Touya-kun, really, it was just a joke," his boyfriend insisted.

                "You know I don't see you that way, right?" the dark haired man asked in a suddenly quiet voice.

                "Of course!" Yukito reassured him, raising his right hand in a calming gesture, "Li-chan said it once in jest, he was just upset about Yue-san, and don't get upset, To-ya."

                Trying his best not to look like he had anger management problems, Touya settled for going red and mumbling obscenities.      

**_The sun goes down_**

**_I feel the light betray me_**

                "Since you know about everything, I just wanted to… I don't know; I'm really worried that something's up." Touya sighed and flopped on to his father's couch.

                Fujitaka looked down at his son from the side of the couch as he walked into the room, "Why are you talking to me about it then? It seems to me that there a few other people that would be concerned and provide better answers than I could." 

                "But I don't want to ask you about the magic, I wanted to talk to you about my situation with Yue-san and Yukito," Touya explained, laying his head on the top of the couch and staring at the ceiling. "I'm so worried I'm doing something wrong; I don't want to hurt either of them."

                "Do you love them?"

                "Of course I do!" 

                Fujitaka's face appeared in Touya's line of vision as the tall man looked with a small smile, "No, do you love _them, both of them?"_

                Touya faltered and sat up, turned around and looked at his dad. "I… don't know."

                Taking a seat on the top of the couch, Fujitaka continued smiling warmly, "For years after you two met, I watched my son slowly fall in love with his best friend. Then, from what I here, save Yukito's other half from fading away, and then, when everyone's settled down in their own homes with their own families, and Yukito is no longer in danger of disappearing, you _still worry about Yue-san. This tells me that you at least care very deeply for this person, even if it is not in the same way you love Yukito-san."_

                Saying that Touya was blushing then is like saying that giants are moderately tall: a complete understatement. He unconsciously rubbed the back of his head and stammered out, "I don't see how that helps things…"

                "Well, I'm just saying, if you love them that much, you'll find a way to deal with everything," his father replied.

                Touya managed to stop blushing and smiled hesitantly, "I suppose you're right, I just wish I knew what that way was."

                "Have you tried talking with Yue-san about it?"

                "Oh yeah," Touya replied wryly, "but he has the unfair advantage of being able to disappear if he doesn't like how the conversation's going."

                His dad chuckled and stood up again, patting Touya's shoulder lightly. "That is something you'll have to work around…"

**_The sun goes down_**

**_I feel the light betray me_**

                _I hope he doesn't try anything like last time. Yue thought dryly, but not without a shred of fear. __I don't want to bandage any more hands, Kereberos. Why do you have to be worried about me anyway? Aren't we supposed to compete against each other to improve further? Isn't that the point of being opposites? Not to befriend each other, we're brothers; brothers don't have to worry about each other. He felt a familiar shuffling as the Clow Cards shifted in the darkness around him, and would have chuckled if he could physically move right then. __So why am I trying to convince myself not to worry about him?_

_"Hey, at least you look human." Kero snorted, "That's more respect than I get." He trotted off._

_                Yue gave the equivalent of a sigh and uncurled slightly. __That's right; he'd tried to comfort me… and then when he would always find me when I was in a bad mood… Absently, he thought he heard Touya's voice, but he ignored it when another thought popped into his mind._

                Clow took note of that, and leaned forward to slip a finger under Yue's chin and lift it so he could look his creation in the eyes. "Yue, he was worried because he could tell something was wrong, and if it was worth getting a bloody hand over, I think it's worth knowing." The end was spoken with a slight chuckle to show he didn't mind getting the injury.

                _Kereberos, you fool cat, you better be taking better care of Sakura than you did with Clow. At least he didn't mind your roughness and could take care of himself, Sakura isn't like that, don't cause her to worry any more than she already is. When Yue realized what he was thinking he nearly wiped out three cards in his shock. He knew how much Kero cared for their mistress, but he hadn't realized how much __he did. _

**_The sun_**

**_(It's like I'm/ Paranoid lookin' over my back_**

**_It's like a/ Whirlwind inside my head_**

**_It's like I/ Can't stop what I'm hearing within)_**

                _Don't just sit there, come out and talk. Yukito chastised softly. He still could not tell what the moon guardian was thinking, but he knew very well that Yue could hear his thoughts and knew what was going on._

                "I can't believe this," Touya sighed, rubbed his temples. "This is so aggravating, any ideas, Yukito?"

                "You've talked with him more than I have, Touya-kun," Yukito answered gently, "I keep telling him to come out, but he's not listening."

                "That moon reject can be blind, deaf and mute when he feels like it," Touya grumbled angrily.

                "I doubt that's going to get him to take over, To-ya." Yukito said flatly.

                "Well, I don't know what to do, if I touch you at all, he's not going to come out, but I can't goad him at all, because he never takes the bait, we've _tried asking… If he doesn't wake up soon, I'm just going to talk to you."_

                "But if I'm here you'll just keep blushing," Yukito replied, poking fun at his boyfriend's embarrassing habit. 

                Touya just continued pacing for a moment, and then flopped into an easy chair next to the couch Yukito was sitting on. "If he doesn't want to talk, I don't know what to do."

                "Well, instead of making him take dominance, do you think it would work if I were just passive?" Yukito put in, looking at Touya curiously. "I don't know how the magic works –you would better than I could – but one of us has to take control, right? And he's not being submissive, just not doing anything to assert dominance, so if I could find a way to… stop being dominant, it would force him to come out, right?"

                There was a short silence as Touya stared at his boyfriend. Then, finally, he spoke, "Yukito that's a great idea! I'm not sure how to pull it off, but… maybe doing that is something along the lines of meditation? In karate, at least, when we meditate it's to clear our mind, and I've found that with magic, it tends to… detach you a little. You want to give it a try?"

                "If he doesn't want to come out on his own…" Yukito answered quietly.                

**_I feel the light betray me_**

**_(It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin)_**

                Yue felt a strange pulling sensation wash over him, but easily stayed his ground. Yukito didn't seem deterred at all and continued to focus on the moon creature in the back of his mind, while trying not to pay attention to anything else. At the additional interest, a stronger feeling of being dragged grabbed Yue's mind and sent it back to his body where it snapped into place in much the same way as he had done to Suza centuries before. He blinked back the white light, and gave a sideways glare at the human waiting for him.

                "There you are!" Touya announced with a grin.

                It took all of Yue's will power not to slap the fool. "We've already spoken, I don't see what else there is to say," Yue frostily informed his companion.

                "Hey, just because you've got my magic doesn't mean I can't tell when something's happening to you, nor does it mean I can't 'see' you," the dark haired man countered.

                "You didn't have to give me your magic; you could have let me disappear," Yue answered icily. "It would have caused a lot less pain."

                Touya narrowed his eyes, "And what makes you think that? You're so set on fulfilling Clow's wishes that I have no doubt you'd be miserable if you had disappeared and were unable to do so. _I would have been upset, __Sakura would have been upset, and I bet, for all the cold words between you, that Kereberos would have been sad too."_

                "You don't seem to grasp the fact that I'm just a tool," Yue said in his usual monotone as he turned to look Touya in the eyes. "I was made by the will of a magician, and I will be undone in much the same way. The only reason I am here is to fulfill my first master's wishes and serve whomever masters the cards, and that is all I can and will do until the end of my existence which may not even happen." A breath of air abandoned Yue in the form of a sigh, at the look Touya was giving him. "Let me try to explain this for you," he began, thinking back to his memories; his gaze grew distant as he recalled one in particular, "Clow told me a story once, about a man and a sword…

                "The man was a great warrior, with a family to protect, admirable talent, and was respected by many people. Excelling even his hand to hand combat skills were his abilities with the sword, in which none could beat him. However, he wasn't one of a kind; all his family before him had been great fighters as well, and had many stories told of their deeds. In each story it mentioned the sword each man carried and described it thoroughly, for the sword was the family heirloom and highly prized. 

                "The man's father had given him the sword when the man married and produced a male heir. And the man treasured that sword like it was one of his children. He would sit for hours polishing it, and making sure the blade stayed sharp. The sword was the best you kind find for miles around, and yet, the man never used it. He set it above his hearth and bade no one to touch it. So prized was his heirloom that it never saw battle while in his possession. 

                "Soon, war came to his land and he went out to fight the invaders, but the sword remained in his house, and he took another to fight with. Such was the man's love for the tool handed down through generations of his family. He would not fight with it, and because he was such a good fighter, survived long with a lesser weapon. But tools are made to be used, no matter how pretty, respected, or loved they are, and if that tool is not used for it's intended purpose, the owner will find short comings in all his attempts to use something in place of the tool.

                "The man found this out when he fought a strong warrior from the invaders. The battle lasted long, and the man stood fast against all onslaughts, but he used a different sword in place of his family heirloom, which had never let down his ancestors. Because of this, the man was killed when the blade of the sword he used shattered and he was struck on the head. He lost his life, his home and family because he refused to use his treasured sword. 

                "Do you see now? Tools are meant to be used, and no matter how loved a tool is, a tool it will remain, and if you use it for its intended purpose, it will not fail you. When the invaders came to take the man's house and family, his son drew the sword and fought them, and the sword did not fail him," Yue finished and looked back to the human sitting a few feet away.

**_The Sun_**

**_(It's like I'm/ Paranoid lookin' over my back_**

**_It's like a/ Whirlwind inside my head_**

**_It's like I/ Can't stop what I'm hearing within_**

**_It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin)_**

                Touya let all of what Yue said settle in his mind before he considered the meaning. The guardian had told the story in an attempt to drop the subject, but he had unknowingly showed Touya more of his thoughts and feelings than he would have liked. Touya felt himself growing distressed, made sure to keep it in check. "So you think you're no better than a sword?" 

                "My thought on the matter is meaningless," Yue answered in the same, emotionless, monotone he'd been using for the entire conversation.

                Shaking his head, Touya replied, "I think you do not see what Clow Reed did for you, Yue," he waved off the moon guardian's attempt to speak. "No, listen to me now. He gave both you and Kero two forms, one of your forms is the original you that remembers you past and your mission or whatever you want to call it, and from what I can tell, not many of those memories are very happy ones. But Yukito, your other form, is free of these memories, has his own thoughts, his own spirit, and even if he did remember what you did, it wouldn't be the same because he's not technically you. So he can enjoy life without burden, just as Kero-chan does when he's a stuffed animal, just as my father does while the other half of Clow is weighted with his knowledge and magic on the other half of the globe.

                "Don't you see that he split all of you, including him, so that you could live happily? He had a family as my father, and took care of things magical as Eriol, but he was able to live happily because he wasn't burdened with his past. And the part of him that remembers can learn from the part of him that doesn't, and also live as he wanted to in the first place. He did the same for you, Yue-san," Touya took a minute to collect his thoughts, and then finished, "He just wanted you to live, and connected you to Yukito so you could learn _how to live. I just want to make sure that in showing you how to live, neither Yukito nor I am hurting you."_

                Yue's eyes had narrowed the longer Touya talked, and when he was finally done, the moon creature spoke again. "You are forgetting that I'm nothing more than a servant, a tool. I'm like the heirloom: I will be passed on to each new generation as my owner wishes," Touya stopped him before he could say more.

                "Stop it!" the human shouted; his anger had finally got the best of him. "I don't know what happened to you in the past, but I'm trying to help you _now, so stop acting like it doesn't matter to you because I __know it does! I know happy isn't exactly your thing, but you could at least try live in the now and the future instead of walling off everyone and brooding over your past!" By the time he was finished, Touya was standing over Yue, just barely keeping himself from shaking some sense into the stoic creation._

**_It's like I/ Can't stop what I'm hearing within_**

**_(I feel the light betray me)_**

**_It's like I/ Can't stop what I'm hearing within_**

**_It's like I/ Can't stop what I'm hearing within_**

**_It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin_**

The moon creature rose to his feet with a slowness described only as a deadly grace. He looked down and met Touya's burning, dark gaze with his own piercing cold one. Then he spoke in a tone of voice that would send shivers down any sane person's spine, "I don't _want to live. I prefer the past over the present or future because to live __now means I must live without Clow, but I __do live because that is what he wanted of me, and I promised you I wouldn't let anything happen to Yukito. Do not make light of my loyalties or promises." And then he was gone in a flash of light._

Touya scarcely had enough time to catch his boyfriend who was unable to stand from the shock of having been forced to dominance so quickly. "I take it, it didn't go too well," Yukito said with a sad smile as he regained enough balance to sit down.

"No," Touya muttered in, taking a seat next to him. "I managed to make him even more upset with me."

"I think he's just afraid," Yukito stated quietly, "While you were talking with him I saw… well it was like having a dream, and I dreamt about spending a few days with this old fashioned, Asian family. But, it wasn't me… somehow I knew I was watching one of Yue's memories."

"How-?" Touya started, giving his lover a confused look.

"I don't know, but Touya, I think it was the only time he spent away from Clow's house, or general vicinity. I don't think he knows how to handle you and me, and Sakura, Li, Tomoyo, and Kero-chan at the same time, and that scares him."

Touya thought for a minute and sighed, "I doubt reincarnations of his old master are helping things much. But what I'm more worried about now, is that it seems like the walls between you two are dropping, and I don't know what that's going to do."

"I don't know either, To-ya," Yukito whispered, and was promptly moved to between Touya's arms and on the dark haired boy's lap. He nestled into the warmth of his boyfriend. 

"Don't worry, we'll figure it out… eventually."


	3. Broken

**_Separation Anxiety_**

**_Chapter Three: Broken_**

_"He is the prince of sorrow: the Jack of Spades has a sword through his heart."_

****

**_I cannot take this anymore  
I'm saying everything I've said before  
All these words they make no sense  
I find bliss in ignorance  
Less I hear the less you'll say  
But you'll find that out anyway  
  
  
_**

                _Why does he continue to pester me? Yue thought bitterly, while trying to ignore Touya's voice. He shrunk further into the recesses of Yukito's mind, a familiar emptiness flowing through him. __He doesn't understand, even though I've explained everything to him in a dozen different ways. Now, he's just annoying. What made him suddenly start caring? No one has bothered me for years, and my mistress did not require my presence, why now?  Absently, he heard Yukito say something, but was too far into his own thoughts to register the silence that followed._

                _It's because of what happened that night. He must be worried that something bad is going to happen, and without his magic he won't be able to help. Yue gave a mental sigh at that thought. Something __was happening, but he couldn't figure out what. Besides what had happened the other night, there were no signs that anything was wrong. Cautiously, the moon creature reached with his magic to delve through himself. Finding nothing wrong, he examined Yukito; the boy shivered involuntarily, and Yue sent a 'tagged' thought to tell him that he was just searching for something. _

                Finding nothing again, the guardian frowned as well as one could while crammed into the back of someone's mind and started pulling his magic back to himself. He stopped short when his magic slid out of Yukito and _should have returned to him, but instead of finding an area where two entities met side to side, he found a mesh of both. There was no longer a wall between them.  _

Yue drew all his magic back faster than before, and tried to keep his shock from passing over to Yukito. The darkness suddenly seemed much more oppressive, and he let it devour him before he lost himself to the panic clawing at his mind.

  
**Just like before...  
  
  
**

                Clow's library sat on the western edge of his estate, not quite large enough to be its own building, but just small enough to be cozy. The afternoon sun poured light through the many windows built into all of the outside walls. An air of silent comfort lay over the library's three occupants. Its master sat in a large chair arranged towards the middle of the library, but just off to the side enough to catch the sun's last rays of light. He was reading a large book that seemed old enough to fall apart at any given moment.  At the most western facing wall, a giant feline was sprawled across the floor, soaking up the warmth streaming through the window in front of it. Last of all, was the moon's shadow; sitting neatly on a bench built into the wall, directly under a bay window on the southern facing side. It leaned against one side of the wall, with its right facing the back yard and it's left towards the center of the room. Both its legs and its head were bent slightly, the former for a more comfortable sitting position, and the later to read the book that rested against its knees. 

                What little sun that reached the bay window provided enough light for Yue to read by, but also allowed enough shadow for his tastes; which was why it was his normal spot for reading. The book he was currently reading was small, with a worn, maroon cover and a loose binding. It was written in a tidy script that suggested its author was a scribe, scholar, or monk. The creature was almost finished with the book when the script, which had been easy to read, began to blur and twist. He blinked, and was surprised when the action caused a drop of water to fall to the page. 

                Yue closed the book and sat up, placing his left hand against his cheek, and drew it back upon feeling wetness there_. Tears? I'm crying? Why? Confusion met a seemingly unfounded sadness in his mind as he tried to stop the salty water from falling, but found he could not. He reached into the back of his mind to check on the creature huddled there, but could not trace the sadness back to it. __Why am I so sad? _

                Rising from his spot, Yue busied himself by putting away the book he hadn't been able to finish. When he was done with the task, he felt only more tears streaming from his eyes and more confusion building up inside. Not wanting to bother his master, he went about cleaning a table or two of notes and scattered books. After the few minutes it took him to set everything in order, his heart felt like it was sinking from his chest. His breath was shallow and his mind was whirring with too many thoughts and emotions to keep track of; there was nothing more he could do but float somewhat shakily to where Clow sat reading his own book.

                Silently, Yue set his feet on the floor, and felt himself drop to his knees next to Clow. He briefly noticed his master setting the book aside with a look of mild shock, concern and curiosity, but said nothing as he laid his head upon his hands on Clow's lap and wept softly.

_  
**Everything you say to me  
Takes me one step closer to the edge  
And I'm about to break  
I need a little room to breathe  
'cause I'm one step closer to the edge   
And I'm about to break  
  
  
**_

                "Sakura, I'm just worried about them," Touya said with a sigh, speaking into the receiver of the phone in his kitchen. 

                "I know, Onii-chan, I am too," his sister's mature voice answered, "but I'm sure everything's fine."

                "Yue's never randomly shown up without a reason, Kaiju," he answered dryly.

                "I'm not a kaiju," Sakura huffed back, only slightly upset about the use of her old nickname. "And anyway, I'm sure it's nothing he can't handle."

                "He was pretty shaken up the other night, Sakura, I think it would be a good idea for you to summon him for a chat," Touya pushed.

                "I don't want to bother him, Onii-chan."

                "But he won't talk to me at all, and I can _tell that something's wrong. At least he'll answer you straight out; the only thing I could get out of him was that he wouldn't lie to you. He wanted __me to tell you and the stuffed animal not to worry, then he said __he wouldn't tell you because he wouldn't lie to you," he gave an exasperated sigh and put the phone between his shoulder and ear while he poured some water. "And just a little while ago, he was poking around Yukito 'searching' for something."_

                There was a pause on the other end of the line, then his sister's subdued voice answering, "I don't want to summon him, Touya; I don't want to treat him like my servant. He and Kero-chan are my friends; if he wants to talk then he'll come and talk, but I don't want to make him do something he doesn't want to."

                "Sakura, he doesn't see himself as your friend, he sees himself as a servant," Touya replied softly, while putting the cup of water in the microwave and finding a tea package. "The last time we talked he compared himself to a tool, a sword, an heirloom and said outright that he was only a servant at least five times each."

                "But the last time we talked, he… he wasn't as cold, he seemed fine," Sakura sounded like she was keeping back tears.

                "That was years ago: a lot can happen in that time. I think he's been living too long in his memories."

  
**_I find the answers aren't so clear  
Wish I could _****_find a way_****_ to disappear  
All these thoughts they make no sense  
I find bliss in ignorance  
Nothing seems to go away  
Over and over again  
  
  
_**

                He couldn't remember much, but it was more than what humans knew when it came to how he was born into the world. Perhaps _born wasn't exactly the best word, for he was never a child and never grew any way but mentally afterwards. It felt more like being pulled from a deep sleep and finding himself in a new place. Yue faintly remembered touches on his skin like feathers brushing across his body in patterns; along his chest, and head mostly, and less on his limbs. Then, a rush of power reaching out to him, though he couldn't remember where he had been, coupled with the pull of another energy dragging him down. _

                Thoughts came to his mind: how to speak, how to sit up and stand and walk, and, endlessly it seemed, an image of a moon floated in his mind. All around him felt warm with a faint wind, but he couldn't see anything in the darkness even while the moon was there, and especially after it was gone.  Another ball of energy; magic, and power entered his knowledge, and he felt comforted by it. Strings of words flew past his hearing in a slow chant that changed continuously, and faded from memory like some mysterious, distant prayer. The power beside him and, as he slowly realized, all around him pushed together all the wandering energies and feelings around him, and he was suddenly able to feel the sensation of air on his skin, a feeling that was forever burned into his memory.

                A warm pressure on what he later discovered were called eye lids finished his awakening into the world, and he opened his eyes to white. Somehow, he thought to sit up and looked around to see he was surrounded by the white, but it was dull, and the word 'room' surfaced itself. There was another warm pressure, a touch, on his right shoulder, and he looked to see what had caused it. Yet to learn fear, he simply absorbed the images of what his mind told him was a man with black hair, tied back at the nape of his neck. He watched this new being, and realized it possessed the energy that had pushed him together and awakened him. 

                The man's face changed slightly, and the being's mind brought forth the word 'smile' at the same time it recognized words the man was saying, relaying the word 'name' at the same time the man said "Yue" in a low voice. This made sense to the creature, and he knew that that word was what he was to be called. Curious about this new place, and this being across from him, Yue used the given knowledge in his mind to twist his body to the right and shift his limbs – called 'legs'  his mind noted – underneath him, providing the first awareness of a skin to skin touch. Slowly, he reached out with a hand and set it on the man's face, touching an area his mind called a 'cheek'. The man smiled more and moved his own arms so that he held Yue gently in what his mind told him was an embrace. 

                Slowly, tiredness caused Yue's body to curl up inside the man's arms and his eye lids to drop in a way that kept him from seeing this new place he was in, but he felt no fear about this change, and leaned against the other being. _Warm, he thought first, and then followed it with his second thought, __good._

                Another thought came to him as he lay as a jumbled mass of feelings and emotions in the back of Yukito's mind; another memory found its way into his fretting consciousness and took his mind from the fear of the present. 

                Yue opened his eyes slowly, feeling sluggish, but happily so. He blinked back his tiredness and wondered at it, because he didn't normally grow tired or sleep, except after he had – the recollection caused him to smile; he had been with Clow that night. Carefully, so as not to awaken sleeping human, Yue looked up and was given the vision of his master's calm face: eyes closed lightly, lips slightly apart, and dark strands of hair dangling here and there over the smooth skin. Letting out a soft, contented sigh, Yue put his head back against the warmth of Clow's chest. 

                Slowly, he realized that his master had both arms wrapped around him in a very protective manner. The moon guardian felt mirth rise in him as he thought of the irony of his master being protective of him, even though it was he who was supposed to protect his master. He also felt a strong, heated feeling that made his heart quicken even slightly the longer he thought of the way Clow held him. He knew it better than any other emotion, because it was always there no matter what mood he was in. 

                He never tried to sort out how moments like this made him feel, because the thoughts were always so muddled together. The feel of his master's skin against his, the small but prominent force pushing him against Clow's chest, the way the air around them heated to a comfortable temperature, and so many other details that he noticed swirled together until he closed his eyes tiredly, and settled on two thoughts. _Warm, good._

                Yue felt the intimate touch of heat against his soul and calmed somewhat under the feeling. He had loved Clow with everything he could for as far back as he could remember, and although the emotion was always there, it still gave him a pleasant feeling when he focused on it; a feeling that he would never grow tired of. The moon creature briefly wondered why it was that when he thought of his new mistress he got the same feeling. He never would have thought himself able to love anyone other than the man that had awakened him so long ago, but continually surprised himself with each new insight that showed him the feeling was attached to someone else as well. Out of everyone, though, it was only his new mistress that came anywhere near his love for Clow Reed, and he found it odd that the thought was actually very comforting.

**_Just like before...  
  
  
_**

                "They're just pets, Clow!" 

                Yue stopped walking, and glanced at the closed door to his master's study. _He has a guest? He thought momentarily, and was about to leave when the occupants started talking again._

                "They are _friends, Saizu," Clow's patient voice floated through the wood._

                The sound of something thudding into a wooden structure told Yue that Saizu had just smacked his hands down on the desk. "So we're friends with God?"

                "Say what you mean to say, Saizu," his master sighed. The moon creature blinked and moved past the door and stood still to listen to the rest of the conversation. 

                "Clow, you've gone too far. Those two… they shouldn't be!" Saizu's angry voice blasted through the walls of the small room. "If they were just friends you would treat them that way, but you created them and have power over their lives and their death. You are to them as God is to us, Clow, and it never should have been allowed!"

                There was silence for a minute, then the sound of a chair moving. Yue stared hard at the wall and moved closer to it. _That idiot is actually making sense… He felt something inside him churn the longer Clow was silent. _

                "That may be true, but they are here now and I won't just be rid of them. They may be my creations but they are still alive, and have their own mind and soul, I will not kill them," Clow answered finally. 

                "How can you say that? It is not right for any man to play God," Saizu spoke dangerously.

                "And what of your little Suzu? You attempt to make servants for yourself just as I have, is that not the same thing?" Yue felt his breath catch in his throat: _not even a friend anymore, just a servant?_

                "That's exactly what I mean, Clow; I make things to serve me for as long as I need them, and then are rid of them. I do not create beings to be with me-"

                "What I do with my servants is my business, not yours," Clow spoke sharply. "I am happy to know that my friends care about me enough to continually check on me and pester my morals, but I am growing weary of being interrogated."

                "But you forget that they are just tools, Clow. It's not good to get too attached to tools," Saizu's voice had lowered again, showing exasperation.

                "And I can assure you, Saizu, that I will not forget their intended uses-"

                Yue left before he could hear anymore. Floating quickly down the hallway and trying desperately to push the conversation from his mind.

  
**_Everything you say to me  
Takes me one step closer to the edge  
And I'm about to break  
I need a little room to breathe  
'cause I'm one step closer to the edge   
Everything you say to me  
Takes me one step closer to the edge  
And I'm about to break  
I need a little room to breathe  
'cause I'm one step closer to the edge   
And I'm about to _**

                _Touya narrowed his eyes, "And what makes you think that? You're so set on fulfilling Clow's wishes that I have no doubt you'd be miserable if you had disappeared and were unable to do so. I would have been upset, Sakura would have been upset, and I bet, for all the cold words between you, that Kereberos would have been sad too."_

                Yukito tried to focus on the papers in front of him, but found his mind continually wandering back to a certain creature in the back of it. He felt… weird, like something inside him was changing, meshing… Finally, he set his pencil down and sat back with closed eyes. _What's wrong Yue?_

_                The moon guardian gently reached out to were the 'line' between him and Yukito used to be, finding an almost complete mesh there. __This shouldn't be happening. He pulled back and felt something tear. __What? Trying again, he felt the tear again, only more this time. The fusion between them was breaking and with surprising ease. He could pull away, but… his thoughts turned back to Yukito._

                Something _ripped and suddenly Yue felt he was drowning in a sea of chaos. There was something spinning through his mind that moved to Yukito's and sucked him into it. Frantically, he pulled back but stopped when he felt the tear grow. He could leave, he had to leave, he couldn't last inside anymore, but if he left, he might take something Yukito needed to live. Yue paused to calm down and think._

**_Break  
  
  
_**

                The chaos grew and at the same time shrank around him; swirling and blurring, rising and falling, seeming like it would never stop. Yue felt dizzy, and only his ingrained nature towards calm, his innate sense of keeping his mind clear and focused, kept him from drowning. Slowly, as if all his actions were dulled and sloth-like, he gathered together everything he could define as his own. Memories, abilities, power… and Touya's power floated like a half-eaten bag of food towards him, into him. Yukito's subconscious need to help had pushed the power away from himself and towards the moon creature who accepted it readily. The colors smashed into each other; like a crescendo of music, rising higher and higher to some point beyond hearing and unable to go any further…

                _Shattered. _

                One air-piercing note at the end that destroys consciousness, and suddenly he was falling swiftly out of the dark, and for once in his life, he didn't care. 

_                Touya turned to Yukito to see why he'd stopped in the middle of the path. Petals from numerous flowers glided on the wind around them, throwing soft spots of color between them. Suddenly, Touya didn't see Yukito looking back at him: it was an image, distorted but superimposed over his boyfriend. He rushed forward, just in time to catch the angel falling from his stunned lover's form. He knew that outfit, that hair, those wings… that person. And he saw those old memories and felt those old fears, as Yue seemed to fade in and out in his arms._

**_Shut up when I'm talking to you_**

****

                "Yue!" Touya found himself yelling, over and over again, "Yue get up!" He started to pull the moon creature upright, when he saw Yukito on the ground, moving as though just waking up. He wanted to rush over to Yukito, but he also didn't want to drop Yue.

                The moon creature solved the problem for him, by breaking Touya's hold on him, and stumbling into a standing position.

**_Shut up_**

****

                Yukito was sitting up now, looking dazed and utterly lost, but mostly, it was concern that held his features. He looked up, seeing Touya once, and then the dark haired man was next to him, helping him up, and Yukito was looking around, _sensing what he shouldn't have been able to._

**_Shut up_**

****

                His eyes locked on a pair of familiar yet odd blue/violet orbs, set expertly on a fine, chiseled white face. Yukito stood for a long time just watching the exotic creature look at him in return. He couldn't explain what he was seeing, it seemed that the image he looked as was some sort of frozen hologram, and he felt himself inexorably drawn to it. A frozen hologram: a rigid ness held by pain and strength. 

**_Shut up_**

****

                The thundering sound of blood rushing through him was what brought Touya jarringly back to a conscious frame of mind. This wasn't right, wasn't right at all, and he couldn't tell what was wrong. He couldn't do anything about it. He looked frantically between Yukito and Yue, not knowing which one to go to. "What happened?!" he screamed, his voice panicked, stricken.

**_Shut up when I'm talking to you_**

****

                Yue felt himself sway, and his sight dim. He was no longer standing on the ground, but floating on it. Dizzy, he was very light headed, but at the same time an eerie calm swept over him. He felt himself fading. 

                "He's all right," the moon creature spoke finally, his voice clear, though low as he looked to Touya. "He has everything he needs to be whole."

**_  
shut up_**

****

 "What about you?" Touya blurted out, unable to control his voice or his fears.

**_Shut up_**

****

Yukito moved forward suddenly, his concern now founded on something tangible. Yue was fading, and fading fast, and something in him was raw, mending, but so raw… 

**_Shut up_**

****

"It's better this way." Yue answered, pulling away from them, suddenly fleeing the outdoor path through blossoming trees as if it were a small room. He had to leave, had to get away.

**_Shut up_**

****

"Wait! You can't just leave! Yukito's fine, but you have nothing solid- Yue!" Touya was walking forward; his feet dragging like cement blocks. "You'll die!"

**_  
I'm about to break_**

****

_I know, Touya, don't you think I know? Yue answered silently, but he was already speeding up, stretching his wings. The wind was caught and pocketed under his transparent wings, but some of it slipped through them, through him. He was a ghost, as insubstantial as a spirit that was left to wonder aimlessly after death. And he turned, not going in any direction, flying __through the blossoming trees, and feeling their petals falling through him. An incredible need to __leave drove him, and something in him told him to fly away as far and as fast as he could. _

**_  
Everything you say to me  
Takes me one step closer to the edge  
And I'm about to break_**

****

"YUE!"

But the moon guardian had gone through the trees… through! "He's fading again, he's fading!" Touya tried to stay calm, and think rationally.

Yukito didn't know what to do, just standing there, tracing Yue like no one should have the power to do. 

Touya pulled out his cell phone, and quick dialed the first number in its memory. Breath flowed heavily past his lips in pants that reduced quickly, and by the second ring he'd calmed down. Someone picked up the phone, "Sakura?"

Li's voice came out of the other end, "Touya? She's cooking ri-"

"Put her on the phone!" He nearly bellowed, surprised at himself from the force of the command.

But it worked, and the phone was hurriedly passed to Sakura, who answered now with a cautious, "Onii-chan?"

"Summon Yue, you have to," Touya felt himself getting frantic again…

**_  
I need a little room to breathe  
'cause I'm one step closer to the edge _**

**_I'm about to break_**

****

"Shhh, Touya, we already went over this," Sakura started, but was quickly cut off.

"Sakura, listen to me; Yue's fading, he's _dying he just separated from Yukito! I don't know how he did it, but he did, and he took off. Sakura you __have to summon him now!" Touya practically yelled into the phone._

On the other end of the line, Sakura's eyes were becoming impossibly large. "No…" It was a whisper, a cry, a plea: she didn't want it to be true; it was a blatant denial. Then something inside her reacted, a flash like the touch of something far too distant to know clearly. But she did know it, and knew suddenly how weak it was, how said, how… painful. "Yue…"

"Sakura! Sakura please!" Touya was talking again, trying to bring her back to the present.

"D-Don't worry, Onii-chan, don't worry!" she called back, already dropping the phone on the receiver, and rushing for a necklace she had not worn in years.

**_  
Everything you say to me  
Takes me one step closer to the edge  
And I'm about to break_**

****

                The sound of heavy running and a loud roar preceded Keroberos' entrance into Sakura's living room. "Sakura-!" Has began loudly, but was brought to a suddenly stop by Li who stood now a great deal taller than he'd been 15 years ago and had amassed enough strength to hold the giant feline at bay.

                "She's already summoning him." Li answered before the sun guardian could ask his question. 

**_  
I need a little room to breathe  
'cause I'm one step closer to the edge   
And I'm about to_**

****

The apron Sakura had been using in the kitchen was beginning to float an inch or so off her body as her magic accumulated. The staff was held tightly in her hands, its long pink handle familiar and smooth; reassuring. And in her mind she was focused on one thing, one person only. His image was sharp and clear in her mind, even if what she actually felt of him was not. _Yue… she called out softly and bent all of her will into the call. _

And suddenly Yue was standing beside her, as beautiful and regal as ever. 

She gave a relieved smile, and started reaching out, only to stop short when she realized that she wasn't just seeing him, she was seeing _through him. Then, his cold, calm features shifted to allow a small smile just before his lips opened. _

"Mistress," but he couldn't finish, so weak already, and fell silently to the floor.

Li immediately intercepted the moon creature's path to the floor, attempting to catch Yue, but had to continually re-grab Yue's clothes as the creature slipped through his arms. Finally, he used his magic to set Yue gently on the floor without falling through it too.

"What- Li, I don't know what to do!" Sakura panicked, looking fearfully at Yue.

"Whatever it is, we don't have much time," he answered, glancing between his wife and the pale being on the floor.

Yue felt his eyelids drooping shut, and a darkness creeping into him. The eerie calmness overrode his feelings of embarrassment, and worry for his mistress: he was scaring her, but it was a distant thought. It didn't matter anymore. Then, through his dimming senses he caught sight of Keroberos. The large cat was looking at him with fear, Yue's smile widened slightly. 

"His magic's too spread out," Kero thundered but stayed to the edges of the room. He could feel Yue fading. "It can't support him!"

"Condense the power!" Li yelled.

"How!?"

"Confine it," Sakura answered, setting her jaw and gathering her magic. 

"He's not a card, Sakura!" Kero's voice was jagged from his worry.

"I have to try…" she answered, moving into a familiar stance beside Yue, and holding the lengthened wand straight up. "Yue, return to your power confined!"

**_Break_**

****

Yue's eyes shut, what remained of him fading quicker than before. A pentagram appeared beneath his form, and caught it in swirling magic. The magic spun upwards, pulling at the moon's shadow that lay in its grasp until the shadow melded with and flew into it. A golden rectangle formed in front of the wand Sakura was focusing on. Slowly, as Yue disappeared, the rectangle changed and took the form of a card… a Clow Card.


	4. Static

**_Separation Anxiety_**

**_Chapter Four: Static_**

_"Sit down before fact child,   
Be prepared to give up every pre-conceived notion  
Follow humbly,   
Wherever and whatever abysses nature leads  
Or you will find nothing."  
-Thomas Huxley_

**_I woke up in a dream today  
To the cold of the static and put my cold feet on the floor_**

****

The card was thin and long, with a golden border and a red base color. The back was painted with the symbol of a star created by three parallelograms, with the corners on a large circle. On the inside of the star was a smaller, more complex circle with a sun in the middle of it. Overlaying the top left hand corner of this picture was a smaller circle with a crescent moon inside it. A miniature star rested in the rounded corners of the card border.

She turned it over.

The front had a similar, plain golden border, but the top dipped down slightly: showing the slightly boxy kanji for "moon", read "Yue" in an old form of Chinese. She smiled slightly, as she let her gaze fixate on the middle of the card; the picture itself. The background color of the picture was a faded, dark blue.  On top of the blue was a faded, pale tan-ish yellow picture of Yue raising from the bottom left corner of the card, and embracing the moon at the center. His face was calm; his eyes looked downward towards the moon in his hands. Strands of his hair obscured the bottom of the picture, while a few stars as if in the night sky shone in the empty, deep blue area on the top right of the card. And at the bottom, the name "Yue" spelled out in English.

It was a Clow Card; it wasn't one of hers. 

  
**_Forgot all about yesterday  
Remembering I'm pretending to be where I'm not anymore  
A little taste of hypocrisy_**

****

This was different; this darkness was not what he was used to. The mere fact that he recognized it as darkness startled him; so his mistress had saved him after all. He felt himself smile, although his logical mind told him he couldn't possibly be smiling right now…. _Right now…_ What to do about now? He let his thoughts drift back to his mistress: Sakura Kinomoto. 

She had grown into a very beautiful young woman, obviously taking after her mother. He remembered seeing her years ago, but he couldn't remember how long ago it was. All he could fathom at the moment was the unmistakable change in her. Of course she had grown in stature and maturity, but her hair was still cut short, although it was a little wavy, and her eyes… Her eyes had become near images of her mother's. And they were so gorgeous, not just aesthetically, but he could see in them the power she had mastered, the determination, and still, the soulfulness. 

Sakura was his mistress, true, and she had made it clear the last time they spoke that she loved him, but there was something different in how she treated him. He could not think of the last time someone had shown him the emotions she had; in fact, he couldn't form more than an incoherent jumble of images about anything besides her. That worried him, but he wouldn't let it show, even though he had no one to witness it. She never accepted him as her servant or even her protector: she had tried to protect him instead, and now he could feel his magic being pulled to her and cursed himself for ever having to force this acceptance on her. 

**_  
And I'm left in the wake of the mistake slow to react  
Even though you're so close to me_**

****

Sakura flipped the card over and over between her fingertips. 

Flip. 

Yue.

Flip.

Sun and moon.

Flip.

Yue.

Flip.

Sun and moon. 

"Yue, tell me what you want me to do," she whispered, trying hard to keep back her tears. The sun shown through the windows behind her on to her bed and back; it was warm and delicate.  She felt a little comfort from that, and gently pressed the card to her chest, bowing her head. "Please Yue, please be all right…"

  
**_You're still so distant  
And I can't bring you back_**

****

"Will you tell me what's going on?" Touya's exasperated voice nearly growled over the telephone.

Li sighed and rubbed his temples, holding the phone between his ear and his shoulders. "I told you already, Touya-san! Sakura has been in the guest room all day, and I don't think she'll be out for a while."

"Well if you can't get her at least tell me what's going on," Touya answered, going from angry to purely exhausted, "Please, Yukito's beside himself with worry, _I'm_ beside myself with worry, tell us something."

"He's not in danger any more," Li spoke in a calming voice, while sitting down on the nearest piece of furniture. "I don't know what Sakura's going to do now. It's been a couple of days since she… I guess transferred is the best word… since she transferred him. He should be fine now, as long as he stays in the form she put him in, but she won't keep him that way. I doubt that, no matter how much Yue didn't seem to care; he would stay that way permanently. This means-" 

"She'll have to connect with him…" Touya sighed. "He depends so much on a master, there's no way for either of them not to see the relationship… That's the problem, that's why she can't think of it in the same way Kero's connected to her."

"I've tried to talk with her," Li answered, glancing at the gold band around his ring finger, "but you're right, and there's no changing it."

"I have to go, ja."

"Ja ne, Touya-san." 

Li Shaoran hung up the phone and flopped back against the couch. His eyes slid sideways to the large feline on the floor next to him. "Doesn't that waste a lot of energy?" 

No answer.

"Keroberos, the guardian beast shouldn't brood."

The sun guardian gave a half hearted growl. 

"…What do you think will happen?"

Kero looked up at Li, and shared a worried look, before returning to watching the guest room door. "I want Yue to know I'm here."

"What?" Li, too, looked at the door.

"I'm in this form… so Yue will know immediately that I'm here."  
  
**_It's true the way I feel  
Was promised by your face_**

****

"Yue…" Sakura whispered, then held the card firmly and stood up; resolve shown brightly in her eyes. Her heart was racing, but her mind was calm. She held the card in between her first two fingers, and then tossed it towards the middle of the room. "Yue, come out."

The card started to fall, then stopped and glowed yellow. It spun in a circle, then suddenly seemed to go rigid, and dissolved into a fine dust that turned white, and disappeared like a curtain to reveal Yue standing quietly in the middle of the room and looking straight at Sakura. Silence descended. They studied each other, Sakura openly smiling while she looked over Yue, remembering now little parts about him that she'd forgotten. It felt so good to have him back, no matter what the circumstances. Yue looked only at Sakura's face for a few moments, before turning his gaze out the window, patiently waiting for Sakura to finish.

A pair of arms went around his, startling Yue so much that he almost pulled back from the unexpected hug. Instead, he looked down, meeting Sakura's gaze. "Mistress-"

"It's good to see you again, Yue-san," Sakura stated almost matter-of-factly.  "I missed you, I was so afraid something happened to you, and then you… you…" 

Yue could see her resolve breaking, and helped her sit down, then knelt down next to the side of the bed, and put his head in her lap. It was a simple gesture, but effective; Sakura stilled the slight shaking that had started to go through her and gently started to run her fingers through Yue's hair like one might stroke a pet's fur. 

"I am sorry, Mistress," Yue spoke in a quiet emotionless voice. "I did not mean to worry you or scare you, but I have done both, and because of my actions, you have to do something which you do not wish to do." He sighed, and let his eyelids drift halfway shut.

"Yue-san, don't start blaming yourself for this," Sakura's voice was small, but firm, "and don't you think for a moment that I won't try everything I can to find out what's been going on. I love you very, very much, understand? And so do Yukito and Touya, and Li, and Otousan, and Keroberos, and none of us want you to hurt," her voice shook a little towards the end, but she forced it to stop, and continued on in a gentler tone, "Why did you separate from Yukito?"

The moon creature was silent again, then answered so softly Sakura almost missed what he said, "The magic that held Yukito and me together began unraveling. I do not know the cause, but it happened and I was being swallowed up by the chaos it created. I wanted to be free of it, not truly some part of Yukito… I did not wish to lose myself, but I also did not want to hurt Yukito. So, I gave him everything he needed to exist, which meant, of course, that I did not have some of those requirements. I knew this when it was happening, that is why I apologized."

Sakura sighed, and shifted in a way that told Yue she wanted to stand up. The guardian pulled back and stood with her, watching her without a flicker of emotion showing. "I could have supported you years ago, Yue-san," she began, looking up at him, "but you wouldn't come out…"

**_  
The sound of your voice  
Painted on my memories_**

****

An image came to mind, a very clear and sharp picture of his old Master, the one he never really wanted to give up. Yue looked back with an unchanging expression, closed his eyes briefly then spoke with an impassive voice, "I did not want to disturb Yukito and Touya."

Sakura huffed, and crossed her arms, "That's not the reason."

Yue blinked his eyes open and stared at her in clear shock. "Mistress-"

"Don't give me that, Yue," She interrupted. As if to take the sting from her words, she stepped forward and put her hand on his face.

Her touch was so gentle, so warm… so distracting. His thoughts drifted again to his master as he tried harder to think of the answer she wanted to hear. But all he could see were those soft intelligent eyes rimmed with delicate wire frames, or without. The thick black hair often tied back at the base of the neck, sometimes undone and falling over slender shoulders. A weakness he didn't understand flowed through him with all the memories, and it must have shown, because Sakura was suddenly helping him to sit down on the edge of the bed. 

"Yue-san, are you all right? What happened?" She was worried, so worried. Her hand was pressed over one of his and her face leaning towards his, searching for something.

Yue closed his eyes and shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts. "I think I figured out the answer to your question, Mistress." He opened his eyes again, and looked a short distance downwards until they were consciously maintaining eye contact. "I have only just realized this myself; while I did not draw from you, I felt free to think of Clow, to still be his creation. When you start to support me… I will be your guardian entirely: I cannot nor will I claim anyone else for a master. It will be giving up Clow, and I do not want to."

Sakura's eyes drooped at the corners, showing empathy, "You really love him don't you?"

He looked away, finally. 

"Oh Yue, I didn't know…" She pulled him close for another hug. "I'm sorry, I didn't know… You really love him, not like Kero does, but like Touya loves Yukito, that's why… that's why," she was crying now, but did so freely, and subdued all of Yue's attempts to move and comfort her, "you're hurting so much… I wish there was something I could do!" 

**_  
Even if you're not with me  
I'm with you  
  
_**

Yue sighed, "Mistress, please, I do not need your sympathies, I need your power." Sakura looked up, pulling back, and wiping her eyes. She was about to speak, but Yue easily spoke over her, "If you want to support me, then do so, if you don't, then tell me now. I do not care which answer you give, I only wish that you tell me what _you_ want and what _you_ think you should do. Clow is no longer my superior; you are, and I will respect that."

Sakura blinked back more tears, trying to compose herself after such an icy onslaught of words. The moon creature had pulled away as well, obviously trying to break the closeness she had wound about them. _My own decision…_ Her fingers wrapped around the necklace that now hung loosely from her neck as she closed her eyes. _What do I want?_ Desperately, she scoured her mind, trying to find the answer. _What do I want? Don't be silly, you want him to live…_

"I want to support you," Sakura opened her eyes and looked resolutely into her guardian's eyes, "that was never a question. I want you to live."

"As you wish, Mistress," Yue rolled off in monotone. 

"But I don't want you to stop thinking about Clow, understand? You think about whatever you want to!" She was looking at him fiercely now, trying to get him to understand something, to _see_ something that he could not. 

**_  
You / Now I see / Keeping everything inside  
WITH YOU  
You / Now I see / Even when I close my eyes  
WITH YOU_**

****

_What you meant when you warned me, Clow, I could have never known. Yue thought sadly, looking down at his mistress. He had to smile; the command was easily the most amusing one he'd ever heard. __"Think about whatever you want to." If only it were that easy. Sakura was looking up at him with a new expression now; probably wondering why he was smirking like that. Yue sighed and closed his eyes: trying to collect his thoughts._

"Mist-," he opened his eyes, then started again, "Sakura, I am not sure if you understand everything… I do not think I understand everything that has happened. I can feel Clow's magic dissolving, and I do not know why, but it has affected me greatly. Right now, I can feel spells unraveling around me that I did not even know were there. He is no longer here to support me, and you have taken his place in that manner.

"I do not resent you for it. You have proven yourself more times than needed, and it is not a question of trust or affection that kept me from coming to you until you summoned me. It is not any form of pride or arrogance either; it is the past which has held, and still holds me. You must understand that I am a creature of the past, if I am nothing else at all. I did not roam freely for all the years of my life; I learned nothing from the centuries that passed around me. 

"I know nothing of this century, or the one before it, or the one before that. I know only the years I spent with Clow and Keroberos in a city and time that no longer seem to exist. My home has changed, time has changed, but I have not. Touya believes this is why I was melded with Yukito; so that I may learn and change from him, but I do not agree. I have learned, yes, but I have not changed from it. There is something in a human that makes them stay themselves, Sakura, something that nothing will change, but I am not human, I am simply the essence of myself; I am that which cannot change without changing who I am.

                "This is why it is hard for me to accept a new master; I cannot deal with such… differences."

Sakura watched Yue shift a distance gaze from her eyes to the window. The sun was hidden behind some clouds and the evening sky was forming behind it. The moon creature's eyes were half lidded, as if he were pulled towards something. After a few minutes, Sakura realized that Yue was glowing faintly; it was a silver and white gleam of light that surrounded him like a thin outline. She also noted that Yue was beginning to loose the opaque qualities of the flesh.

"Yue," she spoke gently, rising a hand to his arm and remembering something that would likely account for the sudden longing in his gaze. "We don't have to talk anymore; you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to. You were right, I don't think I understand yet, but there are a lot of us now, right? And I can ask the others to help us figure out what's going on. But right now, you need to link with me so you can see the full moon tomorrow." 

She was smiling again when Yue looked away from the window. He gave her a small smile to show that he heard what she had to say, and that he thanked her for part of it. "All right, we have spent so much time talking already, I'm afraid one of us will wear out before the magic is finished."

His mistress laughed lightly, and put her arms around his neck like she used to when she was younger. He answered in much the same manner: holding her protectively with one arm and looking somewhere else. _Clow,_ he thought, glancing his reflection in a mirror across the room, _you left as you said you would, and prepared for this future most of your life, as you said you would. But why could I not see your departure? Why can I not remember holding you before you died? Surely I would have been there… But of all things, why did you let me love you?_

  
**_I hit you and you hit me back  
We fall to the floor the rest of the day stands still_**

****

"Master, are you sure you don't want anything? You haven't eaten all day."

"I'm fine Yue," Clow murmured, eyes still glued to a tome he'd been pursing for almost three days now. 

Yue had wondered more than once what was so interesting about that text to make his master act like this, but it wasn't his place to ask. It was, however, his _right_ to worry. Which he did: emphatically. The magician's black hair had fallen forward again and was becoming untied due to Clow leaning forward so long. Putting a hand on the table, the moon creature sighed and glanced out the window: almost early morning. He looked back to his master, and easily noticed the signs of fatigue etched all over him. '

"Clow, you're tired, it's almost morning: go to bed, _please_. One day, even two days I can stand, but you need to _rest_." 

"Yue," Clow sighed and finally looked up from reading, "what I need, right now, is to continue reading this and making notes on it while I still understand it. If I come back to it and my notes are only halfway done, I won't be able to make any sense of it. If it makes you feel any better, you can make me some tea, and I'll drink that." He smiled gently.

Yue sighed in defeat and bowed his head, "Yes master."

  
**_Fine line between this and that  
When things go wrong I pretend the past isn't real_**

****

"Now what is he doing?" Keroberos growled in exasperation. 

"Some type of spell," Yue answered coolly and gestured for Kero to follow him. "Let him be, we have chores to attend to."

"Don't even _try_ to tell me you aren't worried about him, Yue," the cat announced, padding alongside Yue as they left the hallway they had been in for another one that looked exactly like the first. "You've seen how exhausted he's been lately."

Yue stared hard at anything in front of him, "Clow is not foolish, nor headstrong: he knows his limits. If he wants to do this, that is his decision and no amount of worrying on my part or yours will change it."

Keroberos growled deep in his throat, "You don't believe that any more than I do. Between you and Clow it's a wonder anything ever gets accomplished around here… or that no one's been killed."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Yue glared down at his brother. 

"Emotional constipation, that's what you have," Kero snorted.

"I would rather think about my emotions than act on them without any thought," the moon guardian shot back.

"At least _I_ know what emotions _are_," Keroberos quipped, biting the loose part of Yue's outfit and giving him a good tug.

Yue glowed briefly, and Kero was moved off of his clothing. "I think that's the most childish thing you've ever tried to do to me, Keroberos."

The giant feline roared with laughter and got to his feet, "Nope!" he yelled, and pounced Yue to the floor, "That was."

The moon creature stared balefully up at the giant feline pinning him to the ground, "If you don't let me up, there will be no one to cook for you, you realize."

**_  
Now I'm trapped in this memory  
And I'm left in the wake of the mistake slow to react_**

****

A week and a half: a solid 11 days of nothing but research, experiments and spells. Yue knew that his master had lived longer than any human that had lived once, or probably ever would again, and he _knew_ that Clow required less nourishment because of this, but he'd _never_ seen Clow go for 11 days without sleeping, or eating. I human simply could _not_ live off of tea alone! And yet, there he was back in his library, pouring over that _same_ tome with a cold cup of un-touched tea on the table to his right. 

Clow's shoulders were slumped as if supporting a great load and he leaned heavily on his right hand, resting his elbow on the table. Yue quietly replaced the cold tea with warm tea, and sat in a chair next to his master. The entire estate felt like the sunset: going from a time of wondrous light, to a time of beautiful darkness. It hung in the balance like the purple and pink hues that light the sky as the sun retreats below the horizon. Yue's hands clasped the ceramic cup lightly as he watched a candle throw different shadows on the table as it flickered in the still air.

He brought the cup to his lips, and silently sipped its ice cold contents. It was bitter, even more so than when tea has cooled off during dinner. This bitter clung to the back of his throat like an icicle that refused to let go; this was a bitterness that came from hours of sitting in a still room without any heat of its own. The cold liquid pouring through him caused the moon creature to shudder visibly. He tipped the cup again and drank some more.

If Clow had even noticed his presence, it wasn't acknowledged and so, Yue sat in a hard wooden chair just like the one his master sat on, and drank the freezing tea, hoping it would somehow stop the heavy feeling forming in his chest. He knew something was wrong and after all these days of near silence from Clow, that knowledge was starting to form a lump like coal inside him. He would have begged at Clow's feet days ago if he thought it would make his master even pause for lunch. But he knew better: he knew it wouldn't make a difference and that he should just let Clow do what he wanted, continue on with his tasks, and perform the ones Clow had left undone… right?

**_  
Even though you're close to me  
You're still so distant  
And I can't bring you back  
  
_**

Folds of deep blue fabric slid across pale skin without even a whisper as the moon creature moved through the hallways. His outfit was not the one that Clow had originally given him, but rather, a flowing robe so long; even the sleeves skimmed the floor. Yue liked this robe, and wore it only when he felt truly comfortable. It was silk so fine, he could hardly tell he was wearing it, which was a relief, since he enjoyed the feel of air on his skin. This was why it hung loosely from his body; there was so much material that he remained covered, but it was so loose that it did not feel that way. And besides, he wanted Clow to relax when he ran into the magician.

Clow was closer. Yue did one last mental check to make sure he'd covered everything, and then resumed his walk down the hallway. The wooden floors were cold beneath his feet, but he didn't mind because it reminded him to keep his feet on the floor. Make Clow relax; act more human. He really didn't like acting against his master's wishes; the very idea was still causing sudden shivers down his spine. This would be the first, and he hoped, the only, time he would go against Clow's orders. But Clow needed a break, he was so tired lately, he needed this… 

Yue almost sighed in relief when he saw Clow turned the corner a few yards in front of him: now he could focus on his master and not his thoughts.  Clow smiled when he saw Yue, and his half closed eyes opened a bit more when he saw what his creation was wearing. "Yue, what are you doing on this side of the house so early in the morning?"

"I wanted to see how you were doing, master," He replied softly, and finished closing the distance between them. 

"I'm fine, Yue," Clow answered with a smile, and put a hand against the moon creature's cheek, "I appreciate your worry, Yue, but I am fine."

"You've been at this for nearly two weeks, master; could you not take a break?" Yue implored softly, keeping his voice strictly monotone. 

The magician paused for a moment, and then brought his hand back to his side. "I need to get to the library," he started, but was cut off.

"You need to go bed."

"Yue," Clow sighed, at once looking as tired as his body must have felt, and then returning to his facade. "I need to finish what I began; the spell is not complete yet,"

"Surely, if you can walk from one side of the house to the other in between, the spell can hold long enough for you to rest," Yue countered, still monotone, and looking Clow in the eyes, "master."

"Stop this, we both have things that need attending to," again, Clow was cut off.

"We do not; I have taken care of them." Clow had started to side step around Yue, but paused and turned back to his creation with a curious look. "Master, go to your chambers, or I will take you there myself," Yue finished, turning completely, and looking intently at Clow.

The human seemed to be looking for something on Yue, but not finding what he was looking for. "I have worried you that much?" he asked softly. 

No answer, just a silent gaze.

He sighed, "When I finish, I will go to my chambers and rest then." Feeling the conversation over, Clow turned to leave.

Gathering his strength, Yue quickly place his hand on his master's arm. He was already most of the way into the spell before Clow realized what Yue was doing. Then they were inside Clow's inner chamber, and the magic had faded away. 

Clow was so shocked his own creation had cast a spell on him without permission that it took him a full minute before he managed to pull away and speak Yue's name in a way that sent a stab of guilt straight through the moon guardian's chest. But Yue refused to back down now, "Rest."

"Yue, I said I would when I am finished," the magician replied, already rebuilding the defenses he had let down.

"I am your guardian, Clow, you told me to protect you, and I will, even if it is from yourself," Yue said sharply, before picking up his master, and placing him bodily on the bed. "Rest," he repeated again.

Clow was sitting upright immediately, "Yue, I said-!" His reprimand dissolved into muffled noises when Yue pressed his lips to Clow's. The magician brought his hands up in protest, but his wrists were easily grabbed from the air. Yue slid on to the bed, making Clow lay down, and then lying on top of him.

"Rest now, Master," Yue repeated, so quiet Clow could barely hear him. The moon creature felt so light, so soft; it was a weight he had invited many times before, so why was he fighting it now? "Sleep." Yue's voice was low, soothing… Somewhere in the back of his mind Clow was telling himself how to break the spell his creature had on him, it was a spell, after all… right? But he was tired, so tired, _yes, sleep, you should sleep…_

**_  
It's true the way I feel  
Was promised by your face  
The sound of your voice  
Painted on my memories_**

****

Shafts of iridescent white floated in through the windows of Clow's bed room and landed silently on his bed, draping softly over the two beings that laid there. Yue's eyes were still open, though they were slits now, and his wings were spread out on the sheets behind him. The deep blue silk had slid across his skin, so it stayed on him now as a sheet instead of clothing. Most importantly, though, was the thing that shared the soft blanket of blue silk with him. Clow Reed lay still in his arms, breathing softly and looking more relaxed than Yue had seen him in weeks. 

The moon creature smiled lightly when he noticed a faint glow around his arms. The full moon had come out a few hours ago, giving Yue a little boost emotionally as well as the other ways it affected him. _He's going to wake up soon, what are you going to do then?_ He looked down at his master, already beginning to stir from his deep sleep. _What are you going to do?_ Yue gazed at the being in his arms; his creator was waking up from a peaceful sleep he had induced. It wasn't a spell, really, so he technically hadn't done anything wrong. _Clow, I'm sorry…_ That thought was the only one he was listening to right then, listening and looking, and savoring the feel of the moon on his back, and his wings laying across sheets, of the air on his shoulders and face, and his hair trapping warmth against his back, but mostly of what it was like having Clow in his arms. 

_Was I selfish to do this?_ The guilt of his actions was circling his spine and paralyzing him. _Master, I don't know what to do…_ A tear slipped past his eyelids, and then another, and another until he was crying silently against the sheets. Clow shifted, and Yue adjusted accordingly: pulling back slightly, and trying to stop his tears. _The last thing he needs is you crying, stop it._ The man started stretching out, and blinking his eyes open. Yue pulled his arms back, but found he couldn't move farther away. 

Clow Reed opened his eyes completely, and sat up, looking around. He seemed drowsy for a moment, before sleep fled and he remembered what had happened. He glanced down, saw the deep blue fabric across part of his body, and followed it with his eyes until his gaze landed on his moon guardian laying next to him, and looking up with attentive, clear eyes. 

**_  
Even if you're not with me  
I'm with you  
  
_**

The memory faded around him, until all he could see clearly was Clow. Not Clow tired and solemn, --maybe even angry-- as he was then, but Clow when he smiled gently with his eyes closed and head tiled slightly to his right. _His_ Clow; his master. Yue was drawn to him unexplainably.  Or perhaps not so mysteriously, after all, wasn't love supposed to cross the threshold of life and death? But he was groping silently for a past that was just that: past. And Yue had a present to attend to, a mistress to focus on, and he had to –no, he _wanted_ to– be there for her.

_Who are you?_

Soft voice, deep voice, and oh, so familiar. The moon creature knelt beside the bed in Sakura Shaoran's home. The carpet was soft, and was only barely disturbed by the light and fading lunar entity sitting on the top of it. His mistress' hand was warm against his and her clothes an odd sensation that only the touch of manufactured textures could create. She was speaking to him quietly, telling him to relax, and asking him if he'd like to sit on the bed.

_I don't understand you. How could I have thought I knew everything about you?_

He shook his head; the soft illumination in the room glinted off long strands of shredded moonlight that spilled down over his shoulders on to the artificial covering on the floor. So soft. Yue looked up at Sakura, seeing her and not really letting the moment sink in. "I would… like to remain on the floor, mistress."

_You're wrong, but then, I'm wrong too, aren't I?_

A silent sigh: Sakura was holding the fingers of his left hand delicately in her right, and clutching the adornment on her necklace firmly in the other. Her eyes closed, and Yue watched as through a veil of the clearest fog. Words slipped past her lips as she called on her staff; a gold pentagram like the back of her cards flashed below them. At once, the moon guardian's senses were heightened and he could feel the crawl of wind through his hair though there were no drafts. The small warmth of her hand seemed to have expanded to encompass him entirely; his vision sharpened more than it had already been: far beyond a human's capability. 

Patterns of UV light danced across the slender pole of Sakura's staff that now stretched easily to its full height without the aide of the two guardians. They swooped as shadows on the petals of a flower, invisible to humans; Yue traced the lines of the staff searching their origin like a bug for the nectar of a flower. The staff shone brilliantly in a light that only its lunar watcher could see, and hummed with an energy he had felt only once before. Yes, she had definitely matured into her powers. 

_I believe in your beauty. I believe in your light, your life: drawn from me as the moon draws illumination from the sun. You are too truly like the moon; it is a thief of the sun, and you, a thief of me, my soul, my heart._

She had opened her eyes again, and was looking down at him with an almost concerned gaze. Was he all right? Should she slow down? Why did he look at her like that? Her eyes shone with more colors than green to him right then. Indeed, it seemed as though the light had entered her eyes and met with a soul so strong that the light shattered into miniscule shards of color that spread out from her pupils. Gorgeous and only he could see it. It felt like being blissfully drunk on the moon's rays once more. 

"I love you."

_Lovely._

Yue smiled thinly, but he meant the smile, and turned his eyes to the floor. Her power, indeed her very self, seemed to be crawling towards him from the golden pentagram on the floor, and as it crawled, Yue felt his body go numb. Opposing strands of magic that had once laid claim to him slipped away easily, only to rejoin with Sakura's magic and redouble its speed towards him. At least he would be allowed the small comfort of knowing some part of Clow's magic was still with him. Very slowly, the languid entity loosened his hold to the physical, and let his eyes drift shut. 

**_  
You / Now I see / Keeping everything inside  
with you  
You / Now I see / Even when I close my eyes_**

****

_...worried… love you…_

And there he was again: Clow Reed, the magician, the master, the monster, the genius. Clow Reed, the man who had lived longer and done more than any other blessed or cursed in their humanity could rightly know. Could a mortal have truly lived and loved and known this man? It wasn't merely his appearance that was ingrained in every bit of memory the lunar entity possessed; it was his light, and his emotions, his little quirks and gestures, it was simply him, in every sense of the word. Such a brilliant life that demanded, even in death, to be known and loved, perhaps even against its own wishes. 

_Forever._

It wanted to be selfish, to reach across time and space as it had in the past, and mold things. To touch and speak with its son and daughter: the two flames lit of his own light, even as his light shown brightly in two places half the word from each other. For one moment, he was no longer split; he was no longer far away, distant, dead. He was Clow, and he was there, holding Yue gently in the guardian's mind. 

_Illusion… forgot…_

What else could he do in return? Yue let himself fall deeply into the embrace, though he knew it wasn't true, wasn't there, really. This was what was left of his Clow, of his master, because after you died, what more can you be but yourself? No mortal could think of another and accurately pin point the unchangeable, the essence of that mortal. Or certainly, no human could. But here, resting silently, selfishly radiating through the mind of its very creation was the core of a man that was very simply himself. 

_I cannot see them; those patterns are for your eyes, not my own. That light is free, and even the moon cannot steal it._

Through the embrace, another presence could be felt, creeping up on him. It reached first the edges of his hair that lay now strewn across a ground that he could not see. It was soaked up like water, passing through every follicle and on through his clothing until it touched his skin. A tingling sensation swept through his body until he grew so warm that he was sure he was burning. He looked up, unafraid, unsurprised, but completely content to still be able to see so clearly his old master standing there, holding him, and not saying a single word of comfort, regret, pain, or love. 

_You think about whatever you want to! Once you forget, it's gone for good, and you either join with it or watch it fade._

Yue's eyes shot open. 

**_  
with you  
You / Now I see / Keeping everything inside  
with you  
You / Now I see / Even when I close my eyes_**

****

Yue followed his master's movements, and sat up as well. His clothing was slipping off his shoulders, and his wings drooping from being in one position for so long, but it did not matter. Clow watched the fluid movement with a careful gaze. The moon was shinning in through his window and creating a halo around his already glowing creation. A light aroma was in the air; it was clear, and light, but very intoxicating. It invaded Clow's senses and made it hard for him to think clearly.

Still, he was a man of his own will, and as such, was able to clear his mind and narrow his eyes. His defenses were already up again, and he thought it a pity to need them active in his own home. "Yue." His moon guardian flinched slightly at the tone, but didn't look away. What had happened? Before, Yue always deferred to him, especially when they were alone. But, he couldn't be mad that his creature had learned to judge a situation from outside, even if he was still judging with his emotions. After all, that's what he was made for… right? 

_He directly disobeyed me… and he's not sorry for it._ Despite outward appearances, Clow found he was powerfully curious about this. The Yue he created, compared with who Yue became were two very different creatures. The magician scanned Yue with his eyes and senses, making sure to cut off a significant flow of the moon's energies just so he could think clearly. Yue didn't even blink. _Of course, he's still expecting more to happen to him…_ Clow mused, _so, perhaps he hasn't changed as much as I thought. But… how could I have missed this?_

Moving forward quickly, Clow grabbed Yue's chin a little harshly, and pulled his creature's eyes level with his. The action seemed to finally startle his moon shadow into moving. Yue was forced to put his hand on the bed to balance himself, and blinked in mild shock when his vision was suddenly filled with Clow's eyes. After the initial movement, though, the man stilled until only his eyes shifted every now and again as if searching for something. _His eyes haven't changed… but there's something different there… I used to know him perfectly; why didn't I see this?_

"Who _are you?" _

Yue tilted his head slightly, looking generally confused by the question. No surprise there, Clow was confused to: he hadn't meant to say that out loud. He watched Yue for a moment, and then decided to wait for answer, already wondering what it would be. 

"I am whatever you will let me be," Yue finally whispered in response, and looked to the bed instead of maintaining eye contact with Clow. 

**_  
No, no matter how far we've come  
I can't wait to see tomorrow_**

****

The magician looked at his creation for a long time before releasing its chin from his grip and sitting up straighter. _Anything I'll let you be… Clow felt a sudden urge to confide in Yue all the plans he'd been making, all the preparations for the future; when he could have a real family, a real life, and still look after things with his magic. A life with both a daughter and a son; the only thing he could never and would never create: a human. A life… A life without Yue at his side: Yue, the creature he made as close to human as he could possibly dare. _

_What a fool you are, Clow,_ he thought wryly, _all that time to learn and all that life spent and you have learned nothing of value._ A fragrant weight settling on him drew him from his thoughts. 

Yue had leaned forward, and now had his left hand on the upper part of Clow's right arm while his head had taken a spot at the bottom left side of Clow's neck. Surprised by the move, the man looked down just as the moon creature gave the base of his neck a soft kiss. It wasn't sensual at all, more like saying, "I trust you." Or "Thank you." Clow wasn't sure which Yue had meant or how.

"Please, Master, there is nothing left but night: rest at least that long. I will, of course, defer to your wishes, but I beg you to rest at least the rest of the night. Let me be selfish this once, and satisfy my worry," Yue whispered so softly, Clow wasn't sure if he had heard anything at all.

"Yue," he breathed, finally, and watched the guardian lift its head to meet his gaze again, "do you really believe you are being selfish in doing what you have done?"

"I would not have said it if I did not believe it, Master; why should I lie?" 

Clow's eyes widened a miniscule amount when he heard the last comment; Yue had never before even mentioned lying to him, it simply had not occurred to the guardian. Now, however, it had not only obviously occurred to him, but he was also analyzing the idea of it. _You've learned so much, Yue, and I cannot help but wonder if you should have learned any of it …_**__**

**_  
No, no matter how far we've come I  
I can't wait to see tomorrow  
With you_**

****

"…Yue?" Sakura's worried voice suddenly invaded his mind, causing Yue to wince. "Oh, I'm sorry, Yue, are you all right?" 

The only thought Yue could process right then was; _How many times am I going to experience this?_ He moaned in response, and moved his right hand to figure out where he was. His hand met with the artificial covering on Sakura's floor, and when he lifted it: to his mistress's hand. There was a blankness, almost black, but with the promise of light just beyond his sight. Slowly, he began to move the other parts of his body; feeling them with the new energy that flowed through them. Everything felt so weird: distorted, blurry, fuzzy, and sharp all at once. Had he ever been so disoriented?

"Just relax Yue," his mistress spoke quieter this time, and this time, Yue didn't wince. 

_This is ridiculous._ The lunar being forced his eyes open to a blindingly dark room. He squinted, but refused to close them again. _I was not this way when Clow made me, why am I so weak now?_ Opening his eyes completely, he saw the white ceiling of Sakura's home, then Sakura herself, looking down at him.

Yue slipped his hand out of his mistress's and used it to help push him into a sitting position. He continued to search mentally for the cause of his disorientation, while regaining control over his body and powers when an abrupt addition of the moon's energies almost sent him sprawling flat on his back again. Luckily, Sakura had been quick enough to catch him in time. Being held by her made Yue feel awkward to an extreme, but it was better than knocking his head on the floor.

"I said relax, Yue," Sakura reprimanded lightly, and gave him a small smile, "don't tell me I have to order you to do _that."_

A light smirk tugged on the moon creature's lips as he put another hand down, and took his weight off his mistress' arms; quickly ending his awkward feelings. "I would… relax… if everything… were normal," he managed to whisper. His throat was parched, but why? _Did I yell?_

His confusion must have shown, because Sakura shook her head slightly, sat back and glanced out the window. "I think it was the moon," she stated like an answer.

Yue arched an eyebrow and turned around to look out the window behind him. _The moon?_

  
**_  
You / Now I see / Keeping everything inside  
with you_**

****

"Are you sure you want to -" Li paced his living room, with the portable phone pressed to his left ear. "I know, but-!" Keroberos shook his head when Li made another exasperated sigh and obviously tried hard not to chuck the phone into the wall. "That won't help things-! I know, I know, but – arrrhr! Touya! Will you listen to me?" he finally yelled into the phone. 

"That won't help things," Kero grumbled.

Li glared at him. 

"You know that just makes him more stubborn," The cat muttered, rolling his eyes and setting his head on his paws. 

"Yes, Touya, I understand, I know, yes, he's fine as far as I- no, I haven't seen him in a while," Li sighed again, and rubbed his right temple. Kero gave him an 'I told you so' look, which Shaoran tried his best to counter while still talking to Touya. "Look, it won't help things. I'm sure the last thing he wants is seeing any more _people- What? Yes, I'm sure Tsukihiro-san is worried, I'd be too if half of me just ran off- no, of course that wasn't a joke, Kinomoto-san," Li's voice went deadpan, "Look, come if you want, but I still say it's not going to help anything. Good Bye." _

The phone hit the couch with a muffled thud.

"You're actually worried about him," The large feline stated while rolling to his side.

"I'm worried for Sakura, did you feel that-?"

"No… you're worried for both of them," Keroberos grinned continued rolling over until he was on his feet again. 

A blush started to stain Li's cheeks, "Shut up, I have enough on my mind already. Aren't you the least bit worried about what's happening in there?"

"Not as much as you," Kero grinned, and swayed his tail. 

"I have a right to be worried about my wife," Li sighed, and let his arms drop to his side in a show of exasperation.

"But you're not just worried about Sakura-"

Five loud beeps in quick succession.

"Aw! Who is it now?" Li grumbled, while turning around to pick up the phone. 

**_  
You / Now I see / Even when I close my eyes  
with you_**

****

"That is the first time the moon has ever adversely affected me…" Yue murmured, "Well, it will be something to remember… for later…"

"Are you sure you're okay, Yue-san?" Sakura put a hand on his arm; he had sounded so sad for a minute.

"I am fine, but, if you don't mind, I have to be free of this room," the guardian spoke quietly while his wings twitched nervously. 

"Of course I don't mind. Come on, its way past dinner anyway; I'm sure Kero's about to eat Li," his mistress joked and opened to the door.

"What a pity," Yue answered dryly, following Sakura.

She laughed and grabbed his wrist, "Yue-san, I just realized something…"

Yue looked at the cheerful face of his mistress and had to smile, "Yes?"

"You never got to meet my daughter!"

"…" Yue blinked. 

"Yue? Is something wrong?" Sakura paused in the process of dragging him around just long enough to look up at him.

"Its… nothing," Yue lied and shook his head.

"No… it's something," Sakura grinned suddenly, "Come on, what is it?" she asked again, poking his chest for good measure.

"I just… Your daughter is… around five years old?" Yue questioned in response.

Sakura nodded happily, "Mmhm! You've been gone so long, Yue, I'm surprised you know that!"

"Well, it does explain that horrible haziness I went through five years ago…" Yue said quietly.

"…" 

"Mistress?" Yue leaned down a bit, "Mistress, are _you all right?"_

"You…" Sakura pointed at him in disbelief, "there's no way you felt that!"

Yue nodded and straightened a bit, "Well, as you can guess, I was not sure, myself, of what was going on… Having Clow as my first master certainly did not prepare me for… such feelings."

Sakura had a look on her face as if she couldn't decide whether to gasp in shock or laugh at the insanity of it all. "I didn't even… it never occurred to me that you'd… hoe…" she blinked.

"Another thing to keep in mind, I suppose," Yue answered with minute mirth. 

"Y-yeah… wow…" Sakura was staring at Yue with huge eyes, "considering what I went through; it was probably worse not knowing what was going on for months on end!"

The moon guardian tilted his head slightly, "I never noticed how attached to my masters I am. I think it is because there was a much smaller difference between Clow and me than… either of us originally thought."

"…Hoe…" Sakura was looking at the ground thoughtfully, then shrugged and started to lead Yue again, "Well, it's probably too late for you to meet her anyway, although she really wants to meet you." She tugged on his shirt and grinned, "Nadeshiko can meet you tomorrow, after school, right now, well… I hope Li put her to sleep." 

**_  
You / Now I see / Keeping everything inside_**

**_with you_**

****

"It's very strange, Shaoran, but I think it will be something permanent."

"Permanent?" Li was sitting on the couch, now; frowning at the floor and listening to the voice on the other end rattle off swift, but calm Japanese with a slightly British accent.

"I can't explain it really, but things have… changed. Ruby and Suppi-chan have felt it especially harshly. I was wondering if you were having similar… problems?"

"Yeah," Li sighed and leaned against the back of the couch: choosing to stare at the ceiling instead of the floor. "Yeah, Yue's had a real problem, and we can't figure out why. He and Yukito-san… they separated."

"They what?" Eriol gasped into the receiver. 

"They separated; they're two people. Yue doesn't know why it happened, but he nearly disappeared because of it. Yukito's fine, but, from what Touya's said and what's happened here, I think Yue's problems are partially his own fault. Sakura finally managed to support him, though, so he wont' disappear anytime soon."

There was silence on the other end of the line for a full minute, before Eriol spoke up again, "I need to talk with him and Sakura… I'll be on the next plane out."

Li gave a quick chuckle, "You won't be the only ones… I'm assuming Ruby Moon and Spinel Sun are coming as well?"

"Yes, definitely. This is very strange in deed, neither Ruby nor Suppi-chan were affected so badly… Keroberos is fine, I take it?"

"Yeah, he's the same that he's always been," Shaoran answered flatly.

"Who else-? Oh, yes, Touya and Yukito must be on their way over as well, ne? Well, in that case, I'll make sure to get a hotel room."

"That's probably a good idea; see you in a couple days…"

"Good night, Shaoran-san, and good luck."

**_  
You / Now I see / Even when I close my eyes  
  
                Sakura's face popped into Li's vision so suddenly he let out a surprised yelp and sat up. Sakura stood up fast enough to avoid a head on collision and giggled. "Gyah! Don't __do that!" Li huffed as he spun around._**

                "Well, you weren't answering me," she answered with a smile, "and I thought you'd want to know when-"

                "Yue!" Keroberos yelled and leapt to the other guardian, standing just behind Sakura. "What did you think you were doing? You had Sakura so worried! Honestly, that's just like you to pull something like this…"

                "Keroberos, if I didn't know any better, I'd think you were worried for me," Yue answered in his usual monotone.

                "Yeah, worried that floating piece of rock finally took its toll on you."

                "Floating piece of rock?" Yue glared at his counterpart, "That floating piece of rock is better than a fiery mass that's whole point of existence is to burn itself out."

                "Looks like they're back to normal," Li muttered, shaking his head.

                Sakura laughed, watching the 'argument', "Yeah, how are you doing? And where's Nadeshiko?" she looked up at him.

                "I sent Nadeshiko to stay at a friend's house until tomorrow afternoon. Leila and Nadeshiko get along well, and I'm sure Meilin will take good care of her," Li answered before pulling Sakura off to the side. "Look, I've been on the phone all night with Touya and Eriol. Touya and Yukito are really concerned about this whole thing, and, even though I tried to talk them out of it, are going to be here by tomorrow evening. Eriol called because Ruby Moon and Spinel Sun have had some problems, but he didn't mention what, and decided to come over after I told him about Yue. He didn't give me many specifics, as usual, but said he'll be here in two days. This means, of course, that he'll be here before then, but will show up around that time."

                Sakura patted his shoulder, "Breathe, Li, breathe…" 

                He gave her a flat glance.

                "Okay, okay!" Sakura held her hands up in a mock surrender, "I heard, I'm thinking about it; don't worry! I'll get the house ready for visitors tomorrow morning, before I go to work, okay?"

                Li sighed in relief, "Good; the next few days are really full for me…" he muttered and shook his head, "I'm sorry, but you'll be on your own for at least tomorrow."

                "It's all right," Sakura smiled softly, and turned to look back at Yue and Keroberos, still very engrossed in their 'argument'.  "It will keep me occupied for a while… My only worry is that my house will be standing when I come back to it tomorrow. I can't imagine how those two ever lived together in the first place…"


	5. Full Moon

**_Separation Anxiety_**

**_Chapter Five: Full Moon_**

_"Ad astra per aspera."  
- To the stars through rough places_.**__**

**_Forfeit the game before somebody else  
Takes you out of the frame puts your name to shame_**

Clow's thoughts shifted abruptly when he noticed dampness on one of his pillows. His eyes swung automatically to Yue's and he realized with somewhat of a start that Yue knew exactly what he was thinking about. A small smile was slowly forming along Yue's pale lips; it was odd to see after how he'd been acting just a minute ago. Then the magician noted a slight self-depreciating tilt to the smile and judged that perhaps, it wasn't so odd.

"Master, you have not answered me yet, you are not worried about something are you?" the moon creature finally asked, "You seem surprised about something…?"

_...He's poking fun at me…_ The magician thought with a mixture of shock and humor. _I've been so busy; I've missed nearly everything I was hoping to watch._ He looked softly at his creation, and glanced out the window behind it so as to see the sky. _Full moon…_ Clow spent another moment contemplating before silently giving in to Yue's wishes by lying back down and closing his eyes half way. He was tired and his mind was racing too fast to keep track of, but this small compliance was well worth the look of total shock and confusion that passed over Yue's face when he was pulled down to the bed as well.

Clow held his lunar companion close and put his head on its chest. "Yue, if you are finished making fun of me, would you please explain why you cried on my pillows?" His tone came out much lighter than he'd expected, but he didn't care.

A soft sigh issued from the pale creature and was followed by a quick, though quiet response, "You scared me, master. I want only to make you happy and to love you as you know I do, but lately you have frightened me. You are pushing your body's limits, your mental limits, even your powers are strained… I can't draw energy from you out of this fear that you will leave me because of it. I'm … I'm very mad, and I don't want to be, and I am worried, and I do not wish to be. I cried… because I fear, worry, and am very confused."

It was more than Clow had expected as a response, but he made no sign of that. "Yue, do you remember when you were younger and I spent a lot of time with you explaining little things like why my eyes are a different color than yours?"

Yue blinked and looked down to where Clow was resting on him, "Of course, master."

"Specifically, that time when you were so insistent that you saw designs on flowers?" Another soft reply and Clow tilted his head up to look Yue in the eyes. "Do you remember what I told you?"

The moon creature was obviously curious about this abrupt change of subject, but only answered the question, "Yes, you said, '_I cannot see them; those patterns are for your eyes, not my own. That light is free, and even the moon cannot steal it.' _I am still not entirely sure of what you meant at the end."

"You can see those patterns because of what you are, just as I cannot see them because of what I am. It is the same way I can foretell future events and you cannot. One of us can see them and the other can't. Because of how I made you and what I made you of and from. Nothing naturally yours truly comes from you: it is all taken from another source and rearranged into something beautiful," he smiled softly and kissed Yue gently on the lips.

**_Cover up your face you can't run the race  
The pace is too fast you just won't last_**

The kitchen was normally the most haphazardly put together part of the Li house; between Sakura's cooking, working, Shaoran's work, and both watching Nadeshiko or taking her somewhere there simply wasn't a lot of time or need to organize a part of the host most visitors did not see. This, however, was changed completely in the two hours since Yue finished exploring the house. The moon guardian found himself wandering throughout the entire house for the better part of the morning, making small mental notes here and there, but generally walking for the sake of walking.

He didn't want to think about anything: just relax. He had to let his mind and body rest for at least a little while or he could in no way receive the people that would arrive later in the day, never mind the others arriving tomorrow. Yue, although recognizing a need to see these people and admitting to himself the curiosity he had about seeing Yukito through his own eyes for the first time, nevertheless brooded about the impending arrival of two people he would rather not have to see.

Ultimately, these meandering feelings drew him to the kitchen: some of the very little housework Sakura had left undone. Yue had never enjoyed housework of any sort, unless he was making or fixing something and then usually only for Clow. However, his masters' houses never were as brilliant, clean and full of hunger-inducing fragrances as when Yue was stressed or moody. Because of this and two hours of reading and sorting by labels, Sakura was now the unknowing owner of the cleanest kitchen in, perhaps, all of Hong Kong.

Yue sighed, whether from mental wear or physically he didn't care to tell, and lightly sat on a stool in the back of the kitchen to survey his work. Although the last two hours had certainly been very informative in terms of those impossible to read unless you know too much Latin preservatives found on the list of ingredients on nearly every food package, the guardian still felt as though his brain hadn't been stimulated at all.

Without consciously acknowledging the feeling or movement that followed, Yue rose to his feet once more and went searching through the cabinets for everything he had just put away. Recipes were easy to follow, but most of the things in this kitchen were already made and as such, recipes were scarce and involved too many appliances for Yue's liking. Letting his mind wander in a different direction than his body, the moon creature laid out all the ingredients and utensils needed in an old recipe he remembered and unconsciously set about following it.

"What's makin' all that noise?"

Yue didn't answer.

Kero flew in; buzzing like a fly around Yue's quick working hands. "Oooooh, whatcha makin'?" he asked excitedly.

No response.

"Yue?" Kero flew up to a spot right next to Yue's head. "Has that floating hunk of rock finally taken over your mind or what?" A knock on Yue's head followed the inquiry.

Yue moved enough to grab a spoon.

The miniature guardian landed back on the counter top with crossed arms and looked up at Yue with a glare. "So, you're just making Clow's favorite dessert for no reason then?"

A pair of bluish purple eyes glared frostily down at Kero; Yue hadn't even noticed what he was making. "Do you have a point?"

The sun guardian gave a triumphant smirk at making his brother reply. "Just that you only cook when you're upset, and it's usually never for me."

Yue arched an eyebrow, and started kneading dough. "You think you will get any of this?" he answered, bypassing the real point entirely.

"Well who else is going to eat it?" Kero snorted, "You?"

"Nadeshiko will be home by the time I am finished, I expect you will not steal from the mistress's daughter," Yue responded dryly.

Kero gave an annoyed "Humph," and jumped back to the floor. "You know, for a giant boulder, you're very moody."

The dough was squished to the counter as Yue turned to glare icicles at his brother. "What do you want, Keroberos? Is it not enough to be completely cut off from any part of Clow's magic that had not been changed; to adapt to our Mistress; protect her; to separate from my other form? How many ways do you wish to see me broken?" he questioned coldly.

The feline guardian gave an irritated groan and put his paws on his head. "Nothing else needs to break you, Yue; you're doing a fine job yourself!"

**_You love the way I look at you  
While taking pleasure in the awful things you put me through_**

The white fuzz of dandelion seeds floated up on the air going past the kitchen window as a pair of indigo eyes watched them carelessly. Yue sighed and looked up from where his head was placed on his arms which were crossed on the counter top. Not only was he bored, he was stressed and the pull of the inevitable full moon was already affecting him. It was very hard during these times to do simple things, such as not floating, not glowing, not over extending his aura, or stretching his magical senses. Of course, he wasn't the only creature which went through this around every thirty days.

Although no smirk showed, Yue became very amused, for at that moment he remembered that the other moon guardian was on her way over to Hong Kong… in an airplane. He remembered a ride in one of those that Yukito had taken just five days from the full moon, and not only had the ride itself upset him, but he'd had to force himself to sleep or be overcome by the forces of the moon that had grown immensely stronger the higher he went. Thus, in so many words, Ruby Moon was most likely driving even Eriol through the sides of the plane.

Yue's mood suddenly went very flat; _I wasn't supposed to think about him…_ he cursed silently. Not that he hated the young incarnation of his beloved master, he just didn't think he would fend too well once the magician arrived. He had both the intellect and mysteriousness of Clow, but he wasn't Clow entirely and the familiarity without the soul irked the lunar entity. He wasn't Clow; he was Clow incarnate. Yue sat up and turned around slightly, resolving to check the food and push Eriol from his mind.

**_You take away if I give in  
My life  
My pride is broken_**

"All right everyone, it's time for a silent read. Take out your books and read for the next twenty minutes," Sakura announced to the room of seven year olds.

"Awww, do we have to?" they chorused.

"Yeah, can't you read to us?" asked a little girl in the second row.

"Yeah, yeah! Tell us one of your stories!" a few others chimed in.

Sakura chuckled and took a seat at her desk, "Well…"

"Please!"

"I suppose-" an electronic beep told her of more eminent issues. "…after I answer the phone, read until I'm done," she decided. The class looked generally forlorn, but did as they were told. She picked up the beeping phone and hit the talk button, "Li Sakura speaking."

"Hello Sakura-chan," answered the slightly mechanized voice of an old friend.

"Tsukishiro-san!" Sakura nearly crowed into the phone, and took that moment to walk into the hallway. "How are you? Where are you? Is Touya with you?"

Yukito laughed softly, "I'm fine. Touya is here with me and we're at the Hong Kong International Airport. Touya's calling a cab; we'll be at your house in a while."

"Oh, don't worry about that: school gets out soon, so I can come pick you up!" Sakura offered instantly.

"That might be a good idea, To-ya's getting really anxious…" Yukito trailed off, and the increase in background noise told Sakura he was turning around for a second. "We'll wait for you on the curb."

"Alright, I'll be there in an hour or so." The phone beeped again when she ended the call and walked back into the classroom with a thoughtful look on her face.

"Are you done? Can you tell the story now?" a young boy asked the moment she walked in.

"Oh!" Sakura threw up a smile and looked to the class, "That's right, a story, what do you want to hear about today?"

"Tell us about the little girl again!" the girls cooed.

"Nah, the big cat, the cat!" the boys countered.

Sakura chuckled and walked over to one of the quieter kids. "How about you, Lei, what do you want to hear about?"

Lei looked up at her teacher with large almost black eyes, and then asked quietly, "Can you tell us about the fortune teller today? Please?"

**_You like to think you're never wrong  
You want to act like you're someone_**

"You're thinking about him again."

"I know," Yue answered softly, glancing once at the young lady drifting next to him before leaning on the roof again and staring at the sky. "You think of Fujitaka often."

"I also think of my children often, Yue," she answered just as quietly.

"I think of your children often as well, Kinomoto-san," Yue answered with a rarely seen smirk.

Nadeshiko laughed and alighted next to the moon creature, "I'm glad that you do."

"That does not surprise me, considering I am guardian to one, and was lover to the other," he replied, his voice fading its mirth.

"Yue-san, you shouldn't be so depressed, it's not like you," Nadeshiko announced, turning to Yue and causing her translucent hair to brush against his.

A very odd tingling sensation flew through the guardian's limbs from the simple semi-touch of the true angel next to him. He sat up and looked at her, "I would like to know what you are basing that statement on."

"The way you smile," she answered simply, leaning back as if she was really sitting on the roof next to him, "You smile as someone who has been happy does, not like someone who has never known happiness."

Yue looked away and towards where his instincts found the moon in the afternoon sky. "I wonder, sometimes, why I always felt you around your family, checking on them, but I never felt Clow doing the same. I can see you, I can speak with you, but I have never done this with Clow: he quite simply left," the lunar being paused momentarily, not really realizing what he was revealing to the woman next to him and, for once, not caring.

"But wasn't he reborn in Fujitaka-san and Eriol-kun?" Nadeshiko whispered, drawing her wings up, as if to leave in a moment.

"They aren't _Clow_, they're incarnate versions of him: his warm, caring side, and his magically burdened, mysterious, cunning side; however, neither nor together are they my master, only parts of him," Yue answered, staring down towards the back yard and off, far into the city. "If you see him, tell him that I still miss him, please?"

Nadeshiko smiled secretively, taking to the air and fading as she went. "But Yue-san, I never see him… he's not like me."

**_You want someone to hurt like you  
You want to share what you've been THROUGH  
(You live what you learn)_**

"She's hooooome!" Yelped a small yellow blur as it whizzed past Yue's head.

He arched an eyebrow and stood up from his post guarding the food on the living room table from Kero. "Who is?"

"Nadeshiko! Who d'ya think?" Kero laughed and tugged at the door handle, "She comes home everyday at three fifteen in the afternoon," he prattled, now trying to turn the knob now, "usually with Wu-lan, that's Meilin's kid. She's not bad, bit of a brat, but I'm working on her- ah!" The door opened as Kero beamed triumphantly.

Yue sighed and plucked Kero by the tail with his right hand, "I doubt the mistress likes you buzzing out of doorways and into busy streets. If you want to let Nadeshiko in, I will open the door," he instructed, while loosing his wings.

"Hmph, you never change." Kero grumbled indignantly, struggling in vain to pull away. The moon guardian easily swept forward the last few feet of the front foyer, and opened the door with his left hand.

"Kero-!" A bubbling small voice started, then stopped short when her friend didn't buzz out to great her. She frowned and peered up at the new person opening her doorway.

"What's wrong?" A dark haired girl, around six came up behind the first, her hair spit down the middle and set in two buns, one on either side of her head. "Who's that?" She pointed at Yue and peered up at him with large, almost black eyes.

The first one, with darker brown hair and almost amber eyes looked closely at the pale person in front of her, and then glanced at the small furry thing she saw frantically flapping tiny wings to get away. She giggled, then ran into the foyer and clamped her arms around Yue's legs, "Yue-san finally came to see mother!"

Yue blinked, a bit unnerved by the little girl, while Kero just started laughing. "Haha! I've never seen that look on your face, Yue!"

Wu-lan walked in behind Nadeshiko and shut the door, "Who's Yue?"

"Silly, this is Yue!" Nadeshiko laughed and pulled back a bit, grabbing tightly to the extra fabric of Yue's clothes. "Mother's moon guardian, 'member?"

"Ooooh, him," Wu-lan looked up at Yue again with a scrutinizing gaze. "So he's why you came over last night?"

"I guess… Maybe it's a special visit, I mean he's never come over before…"

"Ah, it's not special he just got himself in trouble, that's all," Kero announced, getting back at Yue for getting all the attention. He had pulled his tail free and was now fluttering around Wu-lan.

Yue glared at the offending ball of fluff, and kneeled down to Nadeshiko's height, "He's just mad at me for not making him anything to eat today. I knew you would be home, though, so I prepared something for you and Miss Wu-lan if you would like to eat."

Wu-lan grinned, and grabbed Kero from the air. "I like him, let's eat," she announced and ran by them.

"Hajimemashite, Yue-san," Nadeshiko said carefully, trying very hard to say it the way her mom had taught her to.

Yue gave a small, thin smile to the little girl, and replied slowly so she could hear each part, "Dozoyoroshiku, Nadeshiko-san."

Flowers never beamed so brightly.1 Nadeshiko skipped past Yue and into the house, "what did you make us?"

"It is an old recipe, I believe it is closest to daifuku, have you ever had that?" Yue asked, closing the inside door behind them.

"…I think mother made them once. They were very good," the little girl answered cheerily. "Who likes them?"

Yue looked down at his Mistress' offspring and had to wonder exactly how much alike she and her mother were. "I do not think I follow…"

"Well, since you don't eat, you must have learned to make them for someone right? Who was it?" she looked up at him with large, innocent eyes.

_How could she possibly know so much about me?_ The guardian's mind uneasily questioned, but he could find no ill intent was meant by the words. After all, she was Sakura's daughter: maybe she had heard stories. Although, she did seem to have an understanding that most people many times her age did not have. "It was a recipe I modified for my first Master."

"Clow Reed?" Nadeshiko asked, taking Yue's hand and nearly dragging him over to Wu-lan and Kero who were already half way through the plate.

"Yes," Yue frowned and batted Kero away, placing one of the treats on a plate for Nadeshiko and sitting beside her when she beckoned for him to.

"He sounded very nice," she whispered conspiratorially to Yue.

The moon guardian could not help a light smile gracing his lips. "He was a very good master to me."

"Was he?"

Yue lost his smile instantly and looked back down at his young charge. "Excuse me?"

"Was he really as good as you say?" Nadeshiko clarified and took a moment to eat some of her treat. "Or did you not care how he was?"

**_You love the things I say I'll do  
The way I'll hurt myself again just to get back at you_**

The evening arrived sooner than even the moon guardian had expected. The digital clock above a mid-size TV screen buzzed with red lights proclaiming the time to be 6:23 pm. Yue really didn't let the thought settle, letting his instincts tell him exactly what time it was to the nature held at bay outside the city limits. It had been a long time since he looked upon the city of Hong Kong from where he was situated now, high above the sprawling landscape below.

It was not so much flying as hovering up that great distance, invisible to all but the most trained eye: an illusionary figure that seemed no more real than a reflection. He moved no muscle, having the most unearthly feeling wrapped tightly about him as he remained still in the chill night air. His hair floated out in front of him, dancing on the slight breeze that should have been chillier, but was instead warmed by the forever present heat of the city.

The lights now were far brighter than they had first seemed to him in the afternoon, when he watched the city bustle through the branches of wires sprouting from the stripped wooden poles that so impeded his view from the top of Sakura's roof. They dazzled with the blurred glory of a water color painting streaked with vibrant reds, greens, and yellows in spots and squares rigidly held in place by the straight lines of buildings. Beyond that, his cat-like indigo eyes spied visions the human world often ignored or simply never saw: a lonely young boy floating along through the high rise apartments; a cheerful bout of spiritual auras filling a small park on the far end of town; the crisp and complicated melody of the Earth flying in great swooping movements to the large, luminescent, white and grey rock that rose in the sky above him still, and the returning song of the lifeless magic of the Moon. Last of all, the lingering lights of the sun that made sporadic patterns across plants, animals, and dwellings alike, something reserved especially for beings of the only undead entity in the solar system.

Sakura stepped out of her car, and closed the door firmly behind her, then went around to the back and opened the trunk. "Sorry we got stuck in traffic, Onii-chan."

Touya was waiting patiently for his bags to be pulled out and seemed to have the cool exterior of an uncaring witness to the whole situation, whatever that may be. "It's all right, it happens…"

The Card Mistress pulled the bags out and slammed the trunk shut, glancing up while hefting a particularly heavy one; she spotted her moon guardian through an instant knowledge, rather than a thought induced search. Her vision didn't tarry long on the lonesome scene of an unmoving angel floating far too high above them for her brother to notice. She briefly wondered how long he'd been up there and when he would come down, but did not ask him, turning instead to her brother's ever faithful companion who was already taking the bag from her.

"Thank you, Sakura-chan," Yukito smiled brightly and passed Touya the bag, before picking up his own.

Sakura smiled and lead the two lovers up the steps to her house. "Li-kun isn't home yet," she explained while unlocking the door, "so Nadeshiko locked the door."

Touya frowned slightly, but didn't say anything, simply following his sister inside, still unaware that the person laying most heavily on his mind was floating high above him. Yukito glanced upwards before entering and smiled at what he saw.

"Uncle Touya!" Nadeshiko squealed happily, and hugged Touya tightly around the legs.

Touya smiled and knelt down and picked up his niece, hugging her tightly. "Konbanwa, Nadeshiko-chan, how are you?"

She grinned and wrapped her small arms around his neck, snuggling close. "I had a wonderful day! Wu-lan met me after school and we came home, and Yue-san was here, and he made me this food, but he didn't say what it was- oh and mother should see the cook-room-" Touya glanced at Sakura around the time Nadeshiko mentioned the kitchen, but let the little girl continue, "- it's so pretty! Kero said Yue-san cleaned it all today, but the food was much better, very good, he couldn't remember the name for it though, and then he told stories, and- oh!" the bubbling child twisted around to look at her mom, who was smiling, and trying not to laugh, "Wu-lan and Kero were play fighting and Wu-lan tried to cast a spell, but she didn't get it, so Yue showed her the right way, and then there was water everywhere and Kero looked so funny with wet fur! But Yue wasn't very happy, so he borrowed a few of your cards to clean up the mess, and Wu-lan had to go home for dinner a little while ago, so Yue-san made dinner for Kero and me and it was really, really good!" Seemingly calming down a bit, Nadeshiko added, "I don't know where he went, though."

Sakura gave her brother a look of 'you asked' and picked up her daughter, hugging her. "Well, I'm sure he'll be coming inside soon. Where's Kero-chan?"

"Getting desert," Nadeshiko said matter-of-factly.

Touya rolled his eyes and smirked a bit. "I'm going to help Yuki get our things into the guest room."

"Okay," Sakura smiled back and set down her energetic child, letting herself be dragged into the kitchen.

Yue swept downward, alighting on the roof momentarily, and then continuing through it as if he were one of the ghosts he had watched for over an hour. He knew his mistress had returned with both her brother and his other half. Although still deeply brooding, a peaceful sort of numbness had crept over his consciousness, letting his half open, blank eyes remain just that: blank. It was better to think and feel through the haze the moon so thoughtfully inflicted upon him than to face those two with an active, grieving and rational mind. His form solidified and the floating updrafts that kept his hair, feathers and clothing moving upward vanished with his wings as he stood now in the middle of the living room. The buzzing red lights changed: one line moving and one appearing to proclaim that the time was now 6:25 pm in the city of Hong Kong.

He walked slowly, not hesitating and not hurrying, into the hallway that lead to the guest room. Not quite halfway there, he turned to walk past Touya, who seemed shocked at the sight of him. Something caused him to pause, he wasn't sure what, but he turned and looked leisurely into the deep blue eyes that scored his visage. They held each other's gaze for a moment, and then looked away at the same time, Yue moving on and Touya standing where he had stopped sighing once and watching the angel continue on his way.

Yukito looked up when he heard someone walk into the room. His eyes widened when he saw a very familiar and yet utterly alien face regarding him. He laid his hands softly on the wood of the bureau to still the slight shaking that had suddenly started, despite the distinct lack of nervous sensations in his body. He pushed the drawer shut and stood up, while turning to look back at the creature just inside the doorway. He smiled.

"Yue-san."

Soft, curving plains, pale, but still _human_ skin pulled gently across a thin, supple frame of bones and lithe muscles. Velvety, light brown tinted hair, and wide expressive eyes not hidden at all by large, thinly rimmed glasses. Yue examined every part of the human, knowing with complete intimacy each hill and valley in Yukito's skin. And yet he had only seen Yukito through the eyes of Yukito as he stared into a mirror, lake or anything reflective really. Now… now he was able to see the clear, soft and delicate heart, soul, and body of the creature that had melded with him so early in its one life and his. What he saw was absolutely stunning in every way, and in every way gentle and familiar: comfortable.

Without conscious thought, Yue lifted his hand slightly and stepped forward, touching his right fingertips to those of Yukito's left hand, and leaning forward to meet the soft, yielding lips of his human form. The kiss was like a secret greeting that passed lightly between them, and was shortly done, but something for which the minute expanse of time in which it had existed could not detract from its meaning. Their lips detached even as they slid into a silent embrace.

**_You take away when I give in  
My life, _**

**_My pride is broken_**

They broke the kiss together, Clow's hands already dipping into the robes of the creature below him and that creature lying back against the silken pillows of the magician's bed.

Deep blue satin drifted off porcelain skin with a sigh, and lay wrinkled in folds beneath the body it had been covering. Yue pushed a hand forward into the folds of Clow's house robes and began to slowly, but deftly undo the layers so that they opened and draped their various colors briefly over his bare body. A sudden, wet heat met with his neck, making him moan and shiver in delight as his master moved down to his collarbone, assaulting it with a string of faint kisses.

Yue skimmed his hands over the magician's revealed chest, and rested them finally on finely toned shoulders. His short and all too few movements spurred Clow onward down the delicate paleness of the moon guardian's skin, where he soon encountered a small peak of flesh that pointed up in arousal. He immediately latched on to the small bud and raked his teeth along its slopes, suckling lightly.

"Clow!" the nearly sobbed moan was cut short as two fingers were laid on Yue's parted lips. To move so quickly from talking to such intimacy was a startling jar for the lunar entity. His emotions were far too jumbled to fully understand what was happening and what each happening meant. "Master," he moaned again, this time with more pleasure on his voice as he closed his eyes to savor it.

Clow continued on, relentlessly pleasuring his angel in every way he knew. His fingers were brought away from Yue's mouth to stroke the soft under feathers of Yue's wings, causing him shudder and groan and twist beneath him. Moving his mouth back to accompany his lover's, Clow began teasing Yue's other nipple with his no longer free hand while at the same time lowering his weight entirely on to the being below him. Slowly, he moved lower, his left hand sliding down along the edge of his angel's wing to the indentation directly above the collar bone, lower still to rake his fingers across the soft skin.

His mouth followed close behind, nibbling and licking his way down Yue's body, pausing at the navel to dip his tongue down into the small indentation, eliciting louder and longer cries of rising intensity from his partner. While completing these tasks, Clow traced his right hand down lower, forming a space between their bodies and carefully brushed the inside of a smooth thigh.

"Master-! Please…" Yue's voice drifted to his hearing in a desperate plea as the lithe being struggled vainly to overcome the onslaught of emotions.

The magician did not pause, in fact, only increased his ministrations: tonight he would not answer such pleas. He nuzzled the spot on Yue's lower abdomen right above the only evidence of gender the angel chose to claim. Backing into a folded kneeling position, Clow slipped his hand beneath Yue's sex and gently cupped the sacs beneath. He could easily hear Yue's breath turning ragged as their pace started truly affecting the moon creature, and smiled when he also heard a softer call stifled by a low moan.

_How long do I have left to enjoy such a sound?_ The thought came without bidding and left even sooner as Clow tried hard to force it from his mind. The words from their earlier conversation had created a small pit inside him, small, and yet so very empty. It was hard not to fall into it, fill it up and be rid of it, but he couldn't allow that. _I have far too much left to do…_ He thought almost sullenly, before whisking the emotion away by swallowing the whole of his lover deep in his mouth and losing himself in the feelings and textures found there.

"Clow!" Yue cried sharply and arched harshly upwards and deeper into his master's awaiting mouth. Something was defiantly bothering his beloved master, but every time he could so much as grasp control, Clow would tear it away again, before he could master his voice enough to ask. Clow's heavy, nearly feverish aura held him to the bed as surely as the man's body had only moments before, when the assault of emotions had started so suddenly. "Please… Clow," he whimpered, and then cried out again, as his master's skillful tongue played across his most intimate skin.

_Please forgive me, Yue…_ The magician thought sadly, pulling on the moon's energies to pour over his lover through his already oppressive aura, hoping that it would peacefully crush Yue's resistance and his questions. _You still cannot understand what I'm going to do. You are not supposed to know, and I cannot tell you._ Images of his beautiful angel racked with sorrow floated through his mind again, raising his need for Yue's passion higher than before and increasing his efforts dramatically.

Barely able to focus a single thought in his overloaded mind, Yue was faintly able to register what his master was doing to him. His body was singing while his senses beyond the physical were being stifled and numbed. He felt like sobbing in frustration, and that was not a feeling he was used to having. Clow should have been allowed complete control over him, but instead of obedience, it was worry and anger building inside him. Stringing his resolve on to the inflowing energies of his essence, Yue gathered his wits and grasped Clow's shoulders tightly.

"Master," he gritted out through fogged senses and the strain of passion nearing its completion, "please…" Yue trailed off into yet another deep moan, his hands going flat against Clow's shoulders. Not only was his master against him, but his own body as well. Marshaling his resolve one last time, the moon guardian sat up entirely, and forcibly pushed the magician away. He shuddered and shivered from the sudden absence, but quickly leaned forward to capture Clow's lips in a heated embrace as he switched their positions. He broke the kiss off gasping for breath and locked his eyes with those of his master, understanding far more at that moment than he was aware of. "Master," he began again, voice low and husky, "please… let me give you pleasure."

**_You like to think you're never wrong  
You want to act like you're someone_**

"I don't get it," Nakuru whined, and nearly clawed at the arm of her chair.

Eriol shifted in his seat, moving his arm farther away from her nails, and took a moment to smooth out his slacks. He was once again grateful that he had remembered to magically enhance the seat belt she was wearing. "What part don't you understand, Nakuru-chan?" He asked smoothly, with a voice hardly touched by the passage of time.

Nakuru frowned and shifted for the millionth time, and wished she didn't have to be so confined at the altitude they were flying. Oh well, master felt like talking. "Why Yue's so much more affected than us."

The incarnate sighed, but offered a gentle smile. "When Clow-san made Keroberos, he had to place a power source for him in something that would be self sufficient and ever-providing, unlike the food his body required. Therefore he placed the source largely based in the sun and earth, using magic from both and intertwining them as the energies of the sun and earth are intertwined. When he made Yue, he already knew that he wanted to base his powers in the magic of the moon. However, creating a creature of the moon is far different that creating that of a living place, as you know Nakuru," Eriol smiled wider at his creation.

"Of course it is: the Earth and Sun are alive," Nakuru answered, bubbling happily at being able to show she had been listening before. "It's much easier to create a living thing from another living thing than it is to create another living thing from an undead thing."

"One of the few undead things with it's own magic," Eriol continued, happy that Nakuru had picked up on what he had said earlier.

"Yes, but why is it affecting him so much and not me too?" she pestered, squirming in her seat again.

Eriol smiled and asked in return, "Do you have the same powers as he does, Nakuru-chan?"

"…No."

"Why do you think that is?"

"There must be something different about how we're made," she concluded.

"Exactly," the magician took off his glasses. He started talking again while wiping them off, "You control certain _kinds_ of moon energies: the warning moon and the moon that preludes an event whether good or bad. You are much calmer, more stable than you would have been had I given you the rest of the lunar magic," he explained, replacing his glasses. "Yue shows that part mostly in his personality, but does not use those powers as deeply as you do. He was gifted with the moon as a whole… he is completely a being of the moon and the moon alone, that Clow attached nearly entirely to himself, whereas you are partially a lunar creature and partially a human. Both parts of you are _you_ not two separate parts. That is how you know what you are doing in both forms, as do Keroberos and Suppi. Yue was different, his human form was entirely human, sort of tacked on I suppose you could say, which is why Yukito-san never knew what was happening."

Nakuru had started to stare out the window part way through his explanation and was now happily soaring towards the moon in her mind. Eriol sighed and shook his head. Part lunar or not, her head was still above the clouds.

**_You want someone to hurt like you  
You want to share what you've been THROUGH  
(You live what you learn)_**

"I missed you," Yukito whispered.

Yue smiled bitterly, "You will learn to live without me-"

"But I'm not worried about me," Yukito cut in while holding his other half tightly. "I-I know I really don't know anything about magic and I don't really understand any of this, but…" he sighed and turned his face enough to look Yue in the eyes, "but I know you were… we were stable together. To-ya said I don't have to worry about surviving, and you said I have everything I need, but what about you?"

"My mistress supports me," Yue answered quietly and slipped out of the embrace, "that is enough."

"To be alive or to live?" Yukito's wide, innocent eyes peered worriedly at Yue. The moon creature sighed and shook his head, but Yuki cut him off before he could answer. "I mean it, Yue, I know something's wrong; I can feel it!"

"You mean you _felt_ it," Yue corrected quietly.

"No, I mean I _feel_ it," Yukito pushed earnestly. "I can feel you, Yue-san. When Touya and I got out of the car, I could sense… I _knew_ you were above us. I think Sakura knew too, but neither of us said anything."

The lunar being was silent for a moment. That Sakura had known where he was came as no great surprise, but if Yukito did, that meant there was something else about their connection he had missed. "You shouldn't," he finally answered in his usual monotone.

Yukito sighed heavily and sat on the bed, looking thoughtfully up at Yue. He really was as beautiful as Touya had related, but also as sad and serious. Yukito had not really noticed that before, even with the being in the back of his mind for over two decades. This made it all the stranger that he suddenly understood quite deeply how confused and layered his other self was. A foreign, light touch on his left shoulder made Yukito start out of his thoughts and blink up at the other being.

"Are you okay?" Yue asked, retracting the wing he had used to get Yukito's attention.

"Yeah," Yuki smiled self-consciously, "Sorry, I think I got lost in my thoughts for a minute there." Yue didn't answer, causing them to lapse into silence for a moment. Yukito played with the bed sheets for a moment, before looking back up at the moon guardian. "Why are you so sad?"

Yue sighed again, and crossed his arms as if cold. "Yukito…" he trailed off and tried to gather his thoughts. It was a very simple question and had anyone else asked they likely would have been thrown from the room, but this was Yuki, this was him: he had to answer. But what was the answer?

"Are you worried?" Yukito asked quietly, while standing up, "Do you miss someone? Are you afraid? Do you think something's happened?" Throughout the questions, he moved closer until he was standing directly in front of the moon's shadow. "Yue-"

The moon creature quickly stepped back, turning to the window: seeking solace in the night's unquestioning silence. Something was building up inside him, bubbling like someone had dropped a boiling sphere of water down his throat in into his chest. He closed his eyes tightly, hardly recognizing Yukito's departure, or the dim voices outside the doorway.

**_Forfeit the game before somebody else  
Takes you out of the frame puts your name to shame_**

**_Cover up your face you can't run the race  
The pace is too fast you just won't last_**

The moon's energies poured into its shadow in a constant stream: neither ebbing nor flooding. It covered the building emotions like a soothing lotion, and dulled the guardian's internal senses by making his external ones hyper sensitive. During the day, auras became brighter and magic seemed to intensify, culminating now in a pleasant sheen of light that shown from each living thing and meshed into the auras of the others. It was only after the oppressive energies of the moon fully took control of its incarnation, that the creature noticed someone else in the room with him.

"Yue," Touya's soft, calm voice floated across the air before Yue could finish turning around. The dark haired man stood casually in the middle of the room, hands in his pockets.

The moon guardian narrowed his eyes slightly, "Yes?" he replied curtly.

Touya sighed and walked closer, "You know he was just worried about you."

"I know," Yue answered shortly.

"You could have at least answered him: he deserves to know what's going on," the human responded in a slightly miffed manner.

"I could not, or I would have," Touya almost answered, but Yue continued before he got a word in, "What do you want, Touya?"

"Would it be so strange for me to be worried about you too?" Touya bit back in reply.

"I think it would be, yes," Yue snapped coldly, "since you have no reason to be."

"That's not true and you know it, Yue." Touya returned just as icily, his calm exterior faltering.

"Do I?" The moon creature stepped forward enough to force the human backwards. "How many inane thoughts have to be floating in my mind for me to not realize when I am not cared for?"

"How many thoughts need to be destroyed before you realize that I _do_ care about you?!" Touya yelled in defense, moving to reclaim the ground he lost to the guardian. "You weren't like this when Sakura captured the cards, why are you acting like this now?"

Yue didn't relent the few feet he'd moved, resulting in the two men standing nearly face to face. "That was over a decade ago, Touya, imagine all that has happened between then and now, and say that I can't have changed as much as your life." Touya moved to reply, but Yue rode over him again, "Then look at your life, and tell me that I have really changed, that I have not been conscience for everything that happened between then and now. I may measure time differently than you, but I still count more than ten years as enough time for things to be revealed."

"Things that you refuse to see," Touya growled frustratedly, "You think I gave you my power all those years ago simply for Yukito's sake? Do you think I never knew there was more to him, to you? Yue, we put a hold on our relationship for you! Then you turn around, ignore _both_ of us, and expect me to just leave you alone? That's completely selfish and I don't think that's something Clow wanted when he made you."

Yue's eyes blazed dangerously, "What would you know about what he wanted and didn't want? Clow knew what would happen before he created me-"

"And did he ever tell you why he created you? Just to be a guardian? Then why didn't he make you like Keroberos? Yue you're as human as you can get without actually _being_ human, and that means having the faults of a human too," Touya interjected heatedly, "but that doesn't excuse everything you've put us through-"

"Everything I put you through?" Yue hissed, wings arching up behind him, as the moon's energies shifted from relaxing him to heightening his emotions. "I had no control over anything that has happened: I've never had control, don't you understand that yet? The only reason Clow ever made me was to fulfill his wishes and that is all I try to do."

"He gave you a life, Yue, live it!" Touya grabbed the moon creature by its wrist before it could turn away. Frost bitten violet glared back at him as the creature tried to pull away, but Touya reversed the action, and drew Yue back close to him. "Listen to me, damn it, I'm not the only one, and I care about you." To prove his point, Touya used his leverage over Yue's wrist to pull the moon creature flush against him and sealed his lips gently, though purposely over Yue's shocked ones.

**_Forfeit the game before somebody else  
Takes you out of the frame puts your name to shame_**

For one blissful second, neither one moved. Then, just a moment later, Yue launched himself away from the human with enough force to make Touya stumble backwards as well. The moon creature slowly brought a nimble set of fingers up until they hovered just over his lips. His eyes closed harshly as the emotion that had built up before redoubled its war with Yue's senses. "…Is that what you want?"

Touya blinked; almost uncertain he'd heard Yue speak at all before the enormity of the question struck him. "Yue, I don't wa-"

Yue's hand dropped suddenly as his eyes shot open and turned accusingly at him. "Is that what you want?" He stepped closer again, eyes burning and touch still cool as his fingers curled around the bottom of Touya's chin. "Is this," Yue drew himself closer, eyes lidded as he continued to speak, his mouth just beyond the human's, "what you want?" His lips pressed firmly back against Touya's: the moon's energies winning the war within him.

Touya was getting dizzy from all of the abrupt changes in Yue's mood, and the fact that he was now being kissed by the confusing angel did not help things at all. He instinctively set his hands on Yue's waist and tilted his head to the right to deepen the kiss at the same moment Yue expertly parted their lips. In a strange, almost ethereal manner, it was like kissing Yukito, but where Yukito was soft and relenting Yue was exotic and skilled.

The back of his mind violently sought to be heard as Touya pulled back reluctantly from the kiss. Who wouldn't want this? He would be lying if he said anything to the contrary. "Of course I do, Yue, but-"

Again his small acquiesce was all the moon creature heard. "You wanted to pursue Yukito, and I let you, because I knew it made him happy," Yue stated quietly and walked forward: steadily pushing Touya backwards, "I never said anything to stop you from being with him; I never did anything to prohibit your enjoyment of each other." The backs of Touya's knees touched the bed, throwing him off balance and forcing him to take a seat. "And so as many times as you've slept undaunted with him, you have, in a manner been with me, or at least I with you… But those times aren't the same as actually seeing me in this form, my true form and being with me now, as I am and was intended to be." Though glazed over from the moon's energies Yue's eyes remained piercing. He moved and gestured as if on some wonderful drug that not only dulled you, but stimulated you as well.

Touya swallowed, his throat feeling suddenly dry. There was no way not to be attracted to the creature nearly pinning him to the bed, but some level of coherent thought still protested in the back of his mind. This wasn't like Yue at all… or was it? The moon guardian could have changed, or even if he hadn't, how could he have known about this side of Yue when all he ever knew of the creature was its false form and guardian modes?

"So this is your caring?" Yue's voiced contrasted his movements by still being clear and soft. His hands landed finally on Touya's shoulders, then moved down the length of his arms and back to the man's torso where the guardian began to deftly undue the buttons of Touya's shirt.

"Yue-"

"Do you want this?" The angel answered, never stopping his movements.

"…Yes, but this… this isn't why I care about you," Touya stumbled over his words as Yue found the flesh of his torso. The moon creature's cool touch was electrifying: sending delightful shivers up and down his body with every touch.

"You don't want to have both parts of your love?" Yue pushed Touya to the bed, the blue sash holding his over shirt closed untying itself and slipping off.

"I do, but-" The human bit back a moan when Yue's wandering fingers found a sensitive spot. Just like Yukito: knowing where to touch him, but unlike Yukito by stimulating that area actively, and with more than simply feather-light touches. If he really meant to stop it, he could stop it. The knowledge rang through Touya's mind because he knew he didn't _want_ to stop what was happening. Somewhere in his mind thoughts of stopping breached the surface of his consciousness, but went unheeded. "I love both of you."

**_Cover up your face you can't run the race  
The pace is too fast you just won't last_**

A long, pink rod hovered above the table the magician stood in front of. It was the center part of the staff he was creating for the little girl awaiting his cards years in the future. He sighed and smiled faintly looking at the staff currently the same length as his own, but without a top or a bottom. It had started out as a long piece of wood, as every bit of magic drew from things that already existed and it was quite simply easier to create something from a form that already existed rather than from energies… like he had done with Yue and Keroberos.

Clow shook his head to clear it: he had to stay focused. A small gold ring appeared near the bottom of the staff, and a ruby nub at the end of it, marking that end as the bottom. He nodded to himself and reached out carefully with his own magic to alter the intricate design inked on to the paper below the staff. A stumped end required a point on the other end through which to channel the energies, since they could not flow freely. The top had to be precise and carefully crafted, however, so as to allow the eastern and western magic to flow around and work with each other. And, of course, it had to fit the young girl as well.

That was how the staff ended up pink to begin with; Clow had seen his predecessor and knew she would get the cards at the young age best for beginning her kinds of studies. She was cute and sweet, yet strong all at the same time, so he meant to make the staff to mimic those aspects. The wood from the healthiest tree he could find, and old so it would ground her powers in the beginning, pink, after the color of her namesake. The top required a pentagram, he finally decided, and that very moment the sketch altered to the precise dimensions required to fit a circle at the tip of the staff, with a star on the inside to provide the direction the energies required.

As he thought more and more about this girl he could only glimpse, the star in the middle grew more three-dimensional and changed to gold to match the gold ring at the bottom. Clow smirked: he'd almost forgotten the most important part. One tiny, white wing appeared on opposite sides of the pentagram at the top. He couldn't forget her symbol, after all. The staff hummed, nearly gleeful at being finished. Yet Clow frowned lightly and crossed his arms in thought. It would be perfect for her… but it was very complicated and required some more knowledge than she would have in the beginning.

Instantly he knew the source of the problem: the western magic. The magic of his father was far more ingrained in science and theory than the eastern magic that relied mostly on nature, energies and the will. She would eventually need to master both, but it was better to at least understand the eastern magic first, since she would be introduced to that first. This meant the staff had to be split into eastern and western halves. He chuckled suddenly, realizing the staff would actually have to be shrunk as well, since she would start so young. Even the most calculating people over looked things, it seemed.

The black ink on the paper below the staff swirled and melted from the form of the staff above it and then separated as if vertically split in two and shoved into two puddles, one on each half of the paper. On the left half the staff was drawn to a smaller scale, while on the right two new images formed. A line moved from the pentagram to the top right corner of the page, indicating the western magic half. An image suddenly flew into Clow's mind of a young woman with long brown hair and a thin figure. The ink began to run the length of the page as its controller's mind was forced across time and space for even just a few seconds.

Clow jerked back to reality and put his hands on the table to support himself while he recovered from the shock and coldness that seeped through him. It was the same every time he saw something… He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. The pink staff threatened to fall from the spellbound air to Clow's hands and he quickly returned his mind to the task at hand. He had recognized that woman, though her incarnation was different than those people he would be a part of. It did not matter, he knew he could and would trust this woman, and so the pentagram split from the staff and remolded itself into a nearly golden hand-held bell with ribbons trailing from the bottom of it.

"So she'll be the one…" Clow murmured to himself while setting himself to the second task of shrinking the eastern powers of the staff. He shrunk the rod, and used the remaining bit of magic to form a new tip. Combining the point and wing theme he created a stylized bird's beak out of ruby, with a gold setting holding it firmly to the wood and a pair of white wings sprouting like ears from its skull. Finally finished to some extent, he tied off the spells and let the two instruments drift back to the table.

He took the tip of the new staff as inspiration for the first key she would have and easily made a tiny key with the bird's head on it from the energies currently in the room with him. It was a simple matter to lock the staff within the key and set the key on the table where the staff had been moments ago. As he did, the magician's mind and gaze slowly shifted to the bell the western magic had created. When Sakura fit the two pieces together she would accomplish her first lesson in combining the seemingly opposite methods of magic.

The woman he had seen before, though… she would be there during the judgment, she would be there in the moon guardian's place until his future daughter passed the test. Running his thumb along the edge of the bell, Clow found his thoughts drifting to the one who would be both instigator and judge to that trial. Not for the first time he felt sadness creep in, knowing that when Sakura combined the two forms of magic there would be no way for Yue to win: it was nearly guaranteed. He made the creature… for what? Did he even know? To guard his cards lest they fall into the wrong hands before his predecessor, yes. To test her and make her succeed, also true, but many series of spells could accomplish the same with less damage if any to a being.

It was not like he necessarily needed children: he had descendants throughout the Li-clan already. He hadn't needed to make either of them before actually putting them through the dark void the book would hold them in. Clow sighed; he knew that last thought was wrong. He had needed to create them. If they weren't around for him, he doubted very much he would possess a sane and rational mind still. His friend's questions burned in his mind unanswered. He had friends, why did he need to make any more? Why could he not meet more people and befriend them? Questions upon questions he had no wish to answer just yet, even to himself.

"I hope both of you can survive the book and come out the same or stronger," Clow whispered to the air as he set the bell down again and turned to leave the room. "You will like her; she will treat you well… I only hope you can forgive me for being so unbearably selfish."

**_You like to think you're never wrong  
You want to act like you're someone  
You want someone to hurt like you_**

Strands of silver hair draped over Yue's alabaster skin, laying in pools on Touya's sensitized skin. Each time Yue shifted, his hair brushed along the human's skin, eliciting an additional restrained moan to whatever noises of pleasure his movements had already caused. The angel moved deftly down Touya's body. Each dip and curve was given the same careful attention; the same fluttering touch of lips and lingering brush of his tongue. Touya instinctively sought out Yue's shoulders and held them tightly as the moon creature traveled ever lower on his body.

It had been far too long …

Yue's hands rested half curled on Touya's hips, as he paused hovering just above the human's stomach. A deep sigh emanated from his throat, but held no emotions. His body was thrumming, but his mind was fogged, almost numb. Touya took advantage of the momentary pause, to drag Yue back up, and roll over so he was on top of the lunar creation. A pair of indigo eyes looked up at him with alarming sharpness, but Yue soon leaned up and placed his face in the crook of Touya's shoulder. His lips meandered softly across the human's neck.

Touya repressed a groan: still conscious of the people in the other rooms. Loosening his grip on Yue's shoulders which had since been divested of clothing, Touya slid his hands down the moon being's torso. He leaned down, planting a quick kiss on the base of Yue's neck. While his hands inched closer together over Yue's stomach, Touya sat back far enough to catch Yue's mouth again and force the moon creature back to the pillow with a kiss. The human moved Yue's lips apart with his own, and skillfully began the invasion of Yue's mouth.

After tilting his head for deeper access, and beginning a massage just above Yue's groin, Touya was finally rewarded with a low moan from the lunar being. Touya smirked and pulled back just far enough to catch his breath. Yue's eyes had closed sometime during the kiss and were now just starting to flutter open. Brushing his lips just slightly against Yue's pale ones, Touya shifted his legs in-between Yue's. The moon guardian sighed, and arched his neck up, pressing the right side of his face into the pillow. His arms automatically wove themselves limply around Touya's broad shoulders.

Touya attacked the exposed flesh with enthusiasm: nipping and licking his way up to Yue's ear, where he paused to suck on the lobe. Yue gasped at the apparently new sensation, and arched up against Touya. The human pressed his body downward in return, causing spurts of pleasure to jolt through both of them. Yue lazily dropped his left hand from Touya's shoulder and slid it between the little space left between them. The human let out a strangled moan as the moon creature closed his hand over both of their erections, pressing them together.

Without any conscious decision to do so, Yue drew even more of the moon's oppressive energies through himself until they laid like a mist over him. The air around them cooled off despite the heat they were generating and took on the subtle scent of jasmine. As the human inhaled more of the strange air, his mind became more and more focused on physical touches until he couldn't concentrate on anything else. He gave a throaty moan, and began to move against Yue's hand.

The moon creature gave a soft cry of pleasure, muffled by the pillow his face was pressed against. In response, he spun his hand in delicate patterns over and across both his and Touya's erections. The action drove their hips together harder and quicker, until their bodies went rigid and they released simultaneously. Touya bit down on Yue's shoulder to keep from yelling out while all Yue could do was clench his teeth together and lock the yell in his throat. The cool, jasmine scented air swept away as if by a self generated wind. As it disappeared so to did any evidence of sex that may have otherwise stayed.

Inexplicably drained, Touya drooped and sighed as he rolled to his side, his left arm draped across Yue's torso. Yue let out a shaky sigh and closed his eyes, trying his best not to join Touya in being overcome by the moon's little used magic.

**_You want to share what you've been THROUGH  
(You live what you learn)_**

Obviously, he still didn't understand it all. Eriol glanced briefly to his right, where Nakuru had, thankfully, fallen asleep a few hours ago… with the minor help of a sleeping spell. He sighed and turned his left wrist a bit to see what time it was. 10 or so: that meant they would be landing in just over two hours. Suppi-chan needed to be let out before the poor guardian suffocated. Being as quiet as possible, since most of the plane's occupants had also fallen asleep, Eriol stood up and opened his overhead compartment.

Unlike a few unlucky humans, Eriol had grown considerably over the ten years since Sakura's Card Captor days, thus allowing him to easily see the many bags shoved into the overhead compartment. Moving Nakuru's carry-on aside, he carefully opened the main pocket of his own bag, and slipped his hand inside before Suppi could fly out. Gently, he picked up the stuffed animal sized guardian, and set him in the next compartment over, since there were no walls between them.

"Don't get caught," were the only instructions he whispered as he grabbed some snack out of his bag. Suppi nodded and buzzed off towards the back compartments.

Eriol closed the compartment and slipped back into his seat. He opened his hand, wondering what snack food it was that he had grabbed. Granola bar. He smiled slightly and opened the shiny wrapping around the food, and continued where he'd left off: trying to figure out exactly what was going on. Taking small bites of the granola bar, England's resident master magician stared blankly at the seat in front of him, idly wondering if Clow ever had to go through things like this in his last life. Of course, it was most likely the deceased magician's fault any of this was happening in the first place.

Dislodging his glasses momentarily, Eriol slid his thumb and forefinger up his nose to his forehead in an attempt to forestall a headache. Whatever was happening was only affecting the moon's energies: which would explain why it wasn't affecting Spinal Sun and Keroberos, but at the same time, it wasn't affecting Ruby Moon in the least. Technically, even though she only had access to part of the moon's powers she should have been feeling, sensing, or reacting to _something_ by now. So whatever was happening wasn't natural. This narrowed down the possibilities quite a bit. Considering Yue's make up and creation, it couldn't be anything equivalent to sickness, since Clow had specifically taken the ability to get sick away from both of his guardians. At least, their true forms, and everyone had said Yukito was doing fine.

This, of course, only left one possibility: magic. Not just any magic either: it had to be intentional, powerful, and whoever was using it knew what they were doing. Eriol's glasses slipped back into place as he moved to lean on the armrest. _Clow, is this yet another of your provisions? _Eriol thought dryly. If so, then why? What was the point of tearing Yue apart like that?

Suddenly, an image of a familiar pink staff lying across a wooden table flashed in his mind. A paper with a drawing of the staff lay on the far side of the table. Yes, he had fashioned that staff, Clow had, the magician had planned for everything… The image switched to a beautiful, Chinese woman smiling reservedly at him. _She was always so shy…_ Eriol focused on taking deep breathes as the vision continued to detail thoughts. _Wife…_ The thought entered his mind as unbidden as the one before it.

_She died._ Eriol pointed out, mostly to keep himself grounded. A sliver of golden laughter echoed in his ears that he instantly recognized as hers. _You missed her._ A beautiful field of flowers shone in his mind, as wind whipped by his face, carrying with it the undeniable sight of ashes. What was all the magic in the world good for if it couldn't save the life of a loved one? Yes, he hadn't foreseen her death, he couldn't anticipate that. _Don't let go._ And suddenly, Eriol found himself face to face with his former self.

How could this be a memory? It was impossible for someone to break into a vision… right? "You are not me," Clow's voice rang clearly through Eriol's mind.

Eriol jerked upright in his seat, panting as if he'd just run a mile. He curled up slightly, trying to still his shaking without drawing attention to himself. What had triggered the vision? A cold feeling swept through his limbs, like it did every time this happened. Resting his right elbow on his knees, Eriol set his forehead in his right hand and closed his eyes, attempting to banish the numbing after affects.

An electronic ding resonated through the airplane. "We are making our final approach to Hong Kong International Airport. Please buckle your seat belts: we will be landing shortly."

Eriol glance at his watch again: 12:04 am.

**_You like to think you're never wrong (forfeit the game)_**

Clow looked deep into the cat-like indigo eyes trained heatedly on him. Finally, he gave a wordless nod of compliance to Yue's request. He had already been trying to sit up since the moon guardian had switched their positions, so it was easy to complete the maneuver when Yue shifted off of his legs. Clow felt the warm lips of his lunar creation touch his neck and sighed appreciatively. Deft hands massaged his shoulders until he relaxed under their ministrations.

When Yue felt his master finally relax beneath him, he moved lower, sliding his hands down Clow's long arms, and letting his lips travel to the smooth planes of Clow's chest. He knew exactly where to touch the magician, and which manner of touches would create the most pleasure for the man. As his hands drifted from his master's arms to his torso, Clow sighed, and as Yue applied his talented teeth and tongue to the man's nipple, Clow moaned aloud.

The lower Yue traveled, the more he had to shift to find the room, until, when he was nearly to Clow's navel, he forwent adjusting again, and simply slipped off the bed. He placed his hands on the tops of Clow's thighs and knelt on the floor between them, tilting his head first to the right to nip and lick at the sensitive flesh before applying his attention equally to the thigh to his left. Above him Clow twisted and groaned, his hands automatically drifted to Yue's shoulders, and the back of the guardian's head to clutch at the soft, long hair.

Yue moved gradually closer to the source of Clow's arousal, his hands dropping to where his tongue had previously been. Another groan and the gentle but insistent push at the base of his neck moved him forward to finally draw the length of his lover into his mouth. Clow moaned in approval, stomach muscles tensing as he forced himself not to thrust deeper into the warmth of Yue's mouth. The moon creature skillfully ran his tongue in teasing patterns across the sensitive skin, adding a gentle sucking motion to take the edge off the almost-fulfilling motions.

A cool, soft hand came to rest on Clow's stomach, massaging the taunt muscles as Yue continued drawing out the man's pleasure to an almost painful point. The soft touch of feathers whispered across Clow's legs as his guardian brought two brilliant white wings forward: wrapping him in a warm embrace. The energies previously being fed through the magician to his creation with the purpose of dulling perception and reaction were now being expertly applied back to the magician as a cooling flow of magic that melded completely with the stronger, wild form kept under strict control within the man.

Sensing a peak being reached, Yue slowly ceased his teasing patterns and drew as much of Clow's erection into his mouth as he could manage, willing his throat muscles to relax and take him in still further. Clow gave a deep moan, his grip on the hair at the base of Yue's head tightening as the moon creature dramatically deepened and drew out his sucking motions. Magic raged against magic, and breathing hitched: the magician finally releasing with a suppressed yell into the mouth of his creation, his magic simultaneously tangling viciously with its cooler counterpart.

With a final swallow, Yue slowly pulled back, licking the sensitive flesh clean as he did. He paused a moment to return the sated gaze of his master. Rising with unearthly grace, the moon guardian pulled his wings back and leaned forward, touching his lips tenderly to his master's.

"Yue…" Clow breathed as they separated, and wrapped his arms around the lithe creature once more in his lap, holding him closer. Yue curled closer, forcing his body to calm, letting his emotions flow over his form like his master's magic did. He laid his head on Clow's shoulder, inhaling the man's scent and closing his eyes to savor it, one wing draping protectively around them. Clow's hand gently stroked his bare back in a soothing gesture. "I won't be here forever, Yue."

"I know," the moon's shadow whispered, stilling entirely in man's grasp.

"The magic-"

"I know, master."

"Do you?" Clow sighed heavily, pulling his creation close again, nuzzling the side of his cheek affectionately.

"I understand." His voice was steady, but face hidden safely in the crook of Clow's neck and shoulder, tears seeped out past closed eyelids and down perfect pale cheeks.

**_You want to act like you're someone (forfeit the game)_**

"He seemed so distant…" Yukito sighed, leaning against the arm of the couch.

"He just gets like that," Sakura answered quietly, trying to help but not knowing how. "Try not to worry, please? He doesn't like it when people worry about him, and, anyway, he just needs to figure some things out."

"I don't even know what's going on," Yukito shook his head lightly, turning back to look at Sakura. "He feels like he's in pain, though. It doesn't seem fair at all."

All she could offer in return was a sad smile and a light touch on his arm. "I know… I know."

"He's just being moody: he'll get over it." Kero grumbled, still in his small form, laying on the back of the couch.

"Kero-"

"Just do the best with what we have," Kero continued, oddly subdued, "that's what Clow taught us and Yue was always better at following Clow's word anyway. He'll figure it out, eventually. He'll do that soon enough."

**_You want someone to hurt like you (forfeit the game)_**

Blank indigo eyes stared up, not seeing the ceiling above them. The man beside him stirred, but could not fight the sleeping spell. The moon shone through the far window, its light instinctively drawn to something of its own: illuminating its wingless shadow. Its now calming energies enveloped the creature, dancing beneath bare skin and swimming along wispy white strands of hair.

Yue drew a soft, deep breath and slowly closed his eyes, willing his emotions to remain still within him. It hurt, somehow. There was a profound ache in his heart: a whole in his being that seemed to widen and swallow him whole. His magic searched for something unnamed; his body craved something unclaimable; his eyes sought a vision unseeable; his very being yearned for something beyond him.

Such pain clung to him, seemingly brought to life from a few simple movements… just a few regretted minutes. He had tried! He had! It just wasn't right! And it hurt! It hurt so much! Yue slowly curled a hand into a fist and pushed himself into a sitting position, legs bent, head leaning close to them but not touching. He couldn't stay here. _I'm not him._ His gaze slid to the human sleeping soundly beside him. _I… don't want to hurt you, but you're not what.. who I need._

An unfelt breeze swept through the air, settling unhindered next to the human, cooling the empty bed beside him.

**_You want to share what you've been through_**

Sometimes the twists and currents of magic flowed without care for the direction or guidance of magicians. Sometimes the future spilled forth unheeding of the seer's predictions. Sometimes the water flowed upstream. Sometimes the dead didn't stay dead. Sometimes the living weren't alive. Sometimes lies were truths. Sometimes fact was nothing more than misconception. Sometimes man was in charge, and sometimes he was not.

And sometimes… things changed.

**_(You live what you learn)  
_**

* * *

1 Nadeshiko is translated to "a pink" which is a kind of flower. Like Sakura, "Cherry Blossoms" and Touya "Peach Blossoms." Sakura's mother's favorite flowers were Cherry and Peach blossoms, and wisteria (Fujitaka). 


End file.
